


Human Band-Aid

by CALIGULLA



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aggressive Eren Yeager, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angry Sex, Butt Slapping, Choking, Crying, Dirty Talk, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, Eren is in pain, F/M, Face Slapping, Fluff and Angst, Hair-pulling, Long-Haired Eren Yeager, Physical Abuse, Possessive Eren Yeager, Praise Kink, Smut, So is the reader, Someone help yall, Spit Kink, Toxic Relationship, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:09:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 50,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CALIGULLA/pseuds/CALIGULLA
Summary: ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂➥ But when Eren Yeager finally broke, you wondered who the stranger you slept with was.A stranger in your bed. He hurts you, but you keep crawling back to this same stranger. You know he's just hurting too, but there's only so much a human band-aid can do.
Relationships: Eren Yeager & Reader, Eren Yeager/Reader
Comments: 402
Kudos: 1008





	1. Lingering Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ TW : Abusive, manipulative relationship.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ Dainty fingers trailed over the sharpness of your collarbones in awe. 

Bruises painted the once perfectly unadorned skin. They ranged from dark purple to blue, with faint pale greens and yellows hidden underneath that had nearly disappeared from his last visit. The blemishes trailed up the length of your neck up to your jaw, where they were the faintest, and also dipped down from your collarbones to your chest. 

A quick inhale slipped between lips and teeth as you grazed the tingling skin, retracting your hand immediately. A cloudy feeling surrounded your neck where a ceasing redness was, where a hand once gripped.

It's been two days.

Two nights and two mornings, but his presence still lingered with you no matter where you went. You don't even remember which marks were out of love and which were out of anger. 

Eren always found his way to stay with you even after the break up.

Carefully avoiding your injuries, you tied a towel around yourself, stepping back into your room. There was nothing but shame when you looked in the mirror. Disgust and shame. And since his last visit, the mirror was practically too shattered to even see yourself. If it happened a few weeks ago, he'd plead forgiveness and pay for the damage he caused. This time he didn't utter a word as he left.

In fact, he left without any notice. It wasn't until you woke up to an empty apartment without any signs of him, not even a note or text, that you realized you were fully in your lonesome again.

So the cycle repeats. 

You gingerly crawled back onto your bed, laying on your side. Wet hair pasted itself onto your freshly clean skin and pristine sheets, though you could care less anymore. When Eren comes again, if he does, you'll have to wash it all again when he leaves. His scent has never changed. It was warm and made goosebumps rise on the surface of your body, and every time he left you wanted to bury your face into the pillow he used, just so you could hold him like before. Maybe to even reminisce on what was before.

There isn't a single person who knows the truth of your situation. You have barely left the house since the weeks following the break up that took place five months ago.

No one knows, except Sasha Blouse. Though you haven't told her the full truth, she knows your ex still comes back to you. She's the one who forced you into the routine of washing the sheets. 

She says it's a way to detach you from him, but you wonder if it only makes you miss him more.

The funny thing is you barely know her too. She's just someone you met through school who you just happened to get along with. Maybe she saw you as a friend, but back then, Eren was the only real friend you had. Even if that's the case, you don't think you'll ever be able to open up about the whole ordeal to Sasha. It hurts to explain it all, it makes everything so much more... real.

You're also too ashamed.

Burrowing your face into a stack of pillows, your body cried for more sleep. It was all there was to do all day when you weren't working, and even when you had slept for days straight, your body still wanted more sleep. There was no worry for school anymore either, since you dropped out to take care of Eren when his mom died. You know that wasn't a smart decision, but in the moment, you just wanted to be there for him. 

His moms death was sort of the pinnacle of it all.

Beating yourself up for thinking about it, your fingers curled into the plush of the pillows and pushed them against your face as you hiccupped out a strained sob. You didn't even notice your body shaking as you were in the depths of your thoughts. 

There were times you distracted yourself and were finally fine with everything. You used to write to cope, but slowly the pain seeped into your work, and suddenly you stopped writing for good. The same happened with painting and piano. You've succumbed to reading novels strictly about things that encapsulated you instead, which wouldn't have ever been your first choice. Action, mystery, and thriller were your favorites. It was when you read that you finally forgot about it all.

You could never touch a romance book, though. They only made you think more about "what if's."

But it was finally when the little devil in the back of your head reminded you about it all that the crushing feelings of guilt, shame, disgust, and denial washed over you again. Maybe in the middle of reading, sometimes in the shower, but always in the silence of your home when there was nothing to distract you. Like just now, when laying in a bed far too big for one human. 

Nothing could distract you from the bruises that stained your skin, either.

It would be too early to cry, but you did. Your eyes wept whilst your head started to become heavy, and when your lungs were aching for air and heart for peace, you finally escaped to sleep.

●●●●

The buzzing of your phone slowly pulled you out of sleep. 

Rarely did you get calls or texts, and it was sad to say the vibrations excited you, because it was always him who contacted you. He always contacted you first.

Cracking your eyes open, you realize that it was much later than you last remembered. You must've slept for another eight hours since your hair was dry, and your room was cold. The once open window with parted curtains didn't let in any light as the sun had long since started to set. Only the softness of what was left shined onto the white sheets before you.

Your body ached as you sat up to reach for your phone that was discarded on your night stand.

Anxiously, you pulled your arms into your chest so you could see your notifications. With heart racing, a slight humiliation filled your stomach. 

Ten unanswered texts from Sasha Blouse and two calls. Texts continued to be sent as your eyes adjusted to the brightness of your screen.

You should be excited that someone was calling you other than him, but only disappointment hugged your body.

➥... Hey! Are you busy?  
➥... We need to catch up, do you want to hang out?  
[6:35]  
➥... It'll be nice for you to meet some people.  
➥... A little party, just ten people! Lots of food.  
[6:45]  
➥... [Name], are you really still sleeping?  
➥... [Name]?  
[7:10]

Scanning through the texts, another phone call notification popped up on your banner. Rapidly, you sat up, body throbbing at the sudden movements. It was like a game of hot potato as your fingers shook violently, trying to accept the call and put your phone against your ear. It was shameful, the fact you couldn't even answer the phone. You can't remember the last time you talked to Sasha, or at least anyone else.

"H-hello?" You croaked out, hand resting against your throat as you spoke. The rumbling of your voice felt so unfamiliar.

"I've been trying to reach you for so long!" Exclaimed Sasha, her voice scratching as your ears as you tried to remember interactions you've had with her, "Was I being ignored?"

A teasing tone laced her voice, but you jumped nonetheless. "No! N-no, no, I was sleeping," You exclaimed, though voice slowly hushing after releasing such an embarrassing amount of energy, "I was just sleeping, I'm sorry."

There was a silence that followed the line that made you wonder if Sasha lost connection, but then you heard her laugh, "Nah, you're good [Name], I forgot you sleep a lot."

Carefully, you leaned back against your headboard. The chill wood made the heat surrounding your shoulders and neck cease, though the flat-wood caused your upper back to become sore at the uncomfortable position. Your knees pulled up into your chest, towel unraveling at the movement as you waited for her to continue after she exhaled.

"I was wondering if you wanted to join me at a party today..."

Just as you were about to decline, Sasha continued, "Actually, it's more of a gathering. I know I texted you this, but it's honestly just ten or so people, kind of a get together you know? I think it'd be nice, since we could catch up again and maybe you can meet some cool people. I know some of them personally, so you can take my word for it." The smile she had was audible, if that was possible.

Shakily, you exhaled, "I'm sorry, I-... I don't think I can," Guilt tugged at your heart strings as the words lolled out of your mouth without control.

"[Name], what are you going to do for the night? Sleep?"

She wasn't even in the room with you but you wanted to shrink from her scrutinizing, brutally honest voice. Nothing in you could muster the shameful response that the both of you knew, so Sasha continued.

"I haven't seen you in a long time, and- and I know times are rough, but I promise this'll be good for you..."

"...Let's bring back the [Name] I met."

And so you accepted.

This was much to Sasha's glee, she suddenly became a beacon of joy once again when she was explaining where the gathering was taking place, what the 'vibes' were, and specifically about the food that her friend was bringing. Your stomach growled as you were told vivid descriptions, damn well knowing you hadn't have had good food in awhile. If you opened your fridge, it would be near-stark empty except for a carton of milk, eggs, and some microwave meals.

Even though you didn't reply much, somehow Sasha still had things to tell you. It seemed her voice could last forever, until it suddenly didn't. You hadn't even realized she stopped speaking until the silence finally registered, and glancing at your phone, you noticed the call ended.

➥... Sorry! My ride called. Do you need a pick up?  
[7:40]

Contemplating on responding, you simply gave a polite no, before setting your phone aside. You haven't driven your car in a very long time since you began walking to work, it was practically collecting dust in your cluttered garage. The house wasn't that for, so you assumed you'd just walk there.

Approaching your closet, your fingers feathered over each hanging item of clothing, unsure of what to put on. You haven't gotten ready for something in a long time, either.

The silence was really dawning on you.

Eren never had many comments on your clothing, you assume your cutesy fashion was one of the things that attracted him to you. He had a thing for pastels and thigh highs. But taking a glance over to the desk mirror sat on your dresser, you caught sight of the bruises lingering on your naked skin. Your distraction has left you, so now all you have is to stare at yourself, and him.

So you decided to wear a white turtleneck and a creamy silk slip dress over. 

You had forgotten the bruises that trailed up your thighs, where skin was sucked and bitten harshly days before. Almost like it would burn you, your fingers barely brushed over the marks. They were ugly in contrast to your skin, which was once bare and fine to bask in the sun with just a skirt on. So you decided to wear thigh highs that covered the hickeys on your lower thighs. The rest would only be noticeable if your clothing lifted.

But you couldn't help but be nervous thinking about it. What if someone saw? What would they say? If they found out, what would happen to Eren and you?

Tugging on your jewelry, you bit your lip deep in thought. Blood sprouted from the crack, the taste of fresh iron stinging your taste buds and back of your throat. In surprise, you quickly ran to your mirror, checking your face. You were met with the face of a dead person.

You never noticed just how sunken in your eyes had become, as well as your cheeks. The once healthy glow of your skin was gone, leaving a matte mess behind and dark eye circles. Visible redness trailed along some places of your jaw as well, where his mouth angrily peppered aggressive kisses and bites.

There's only so much your make up could cover up.

●●●●

It wasn't a cold night.

If anything the summer heat had just turned the dial down a tad when the sun went down. It still felt sticky and humid outside, the lasting wet air continuously catching onto what skin of yours was available to latch onto. Your hair was stuck to your jaw and forehead like an adhesive, even though there was a slight breeze in the night. 

But you made it nonetheless.

The house before you was large, but not comically like those expensive-yet-unattractive mansions. It was homey, a simple two story with a blue outside and a few stone accent walls. Something about it felt oddly familiar, though. Like you have driven by before. It was close to your own apartment anyways, but you were anxious nonetheless. 

Cars lined the driveway, a few parked on the side of the road as the two-car entrance was closed. A person stepped out of the house on que, waving crazily at you, so much so that you felt your face heat up.

She was taller than you, about 5'5 or so, with her hair pulled up in a cute ponytail. Sasha approached the porches fence, leaning over it as you hastily came over. You noticed she wore a white tank-top with a thin grey jacket over it, along with a pair of shorts. She looked casual in comparison to you. She waved her arms out in a greeting.

"Oh my god! It's been so long," Sasha exclaimed as you cautiously walked up the steps of the porch. Unexpectedly, she pulled you into a hug. You sucked air in between your teeth at the aggressive movement, your muscles crying out in agony as they were being squeezed in a death grip.

You laughed awkwardly as she pulled away, holding you by both of your hands now, "Y-yeah, it has... you look good."

The comment made her gleam, "Don't start flirting with me now, drinks haven't even been put out yet!"

Again, you laughed awkwardly. Freeing one of your hands by limply pulling it away, you rubbed at your clothed neck, looking aside to the window near you. The blinds were closed but you could see the warm light leaking from between them, and the hum of other voices inside was apparent. 

"Did you really walk here in a turtle neck?" She questioned, gawking at your outfit, "Lose the thing, it's hot as hell!"

You shook your head, giving her a lopsided smile, "N-no! No, it's all okay, I just live close."

Sasha shrugged, still commenting that she liked your outfit nonetheless. "Okay, I know some of them are aggressive at first, but I told them you were shy so that they'd tone it down a bit." You nodded in confirmation, following her to the front door which was still wide open. It was like a Mother duck and her duckling from then on. She paused, checking the foyer for people, but no one was there except for a few discarded solo cups. Confused, she followed the commotion of voices. You both passed through a dining room and then a mess of a kitchen, only to realize the crowd had moved into the basement.

The interior of the home was nice, you noticed. You self-consciously brushed your hair off your forehead and jaw, making sure you looked presentable.

Sasha gave a thumb up before descending down the stair case, you following shortly behind.

The sound of two pairs of feet weren't drowned in the music playing, but the tunes were still loud enough to get one nervous. Pausing at the end of the staircase, Sasha waved at some people, taking her hand and wrapping it around your clothed wrist. She pulled you down the few steps you had left so you could see.

She was right, it was just a gathering of about ten or more people of varying faces that you didn't recognize at first. A pool table was hidden in the far left of the basement, where about five of them were crowded around, either playing or watching intensely. Their commotion was louder than the scattered about people on the varying couches or cushions on the floor and the built-in bar in the back right. 

Sasha entered, bending over to a side table to pick up a beer. She glanced over to you, shrugging, "I guess they passed out the booze while we were out. I'm pretty sure they moved the food to the bar, follow me."

Even if she didn't tell you to, you would've followed her anyways. Sasha stepped over some legs of people that were watching a football game on the television which you were blocking their view of. You glanced over, doing a double take at a familiar face. Bertolt Hoover didn't seem to notice till your eyes lingered on him for a second longer than they should've, and then he registered it was you. The two of you took the same creative writing class, it was what the both of you were majoring in. You haven't spoken to him since you dropped out. 

"[Name]?" He called out, but you were already turned around. You pretended you didn't hear him over the music, the television, and the voices. Sasha glanced back at you, acknlowiding the interaction, but continued nonetheless.

Sasha slid behind the bar, gesturing for you to follow her. A girl with a hooked nose and blonde hair sat at one of the rickety stools with another girl with short blonde-ish hair next to her. The short haired one gave a warm smile, whilst the other barely acknowledged you before continuing speaking.

"That's Hitch and Annie," Said Sasha, throwing the beer can into a trash located behind the counter. She grabbed a new solo cup and poured some sort of alcohol and punch into it, before handing it to you. You blinked at the concoction, watching her make herself just the same thing. It smelled a bit like fruit punch, but you could also smell the vodka lingering inside. At least it wasn't straight up, you suppose.

You took a gentle sip whilst Sasha took quite the swig, slamming the solo cup back down. She pulled a bag of chips out from a cabinet under the bar, opening it right away.

"Where's the food?" Asked the girl named Annie, turning to look at Sasha.

Sasha pulled out her phone and checked the time, before stuffing the thing back into her back pocket. "Mikasa and them are suppose to bring the take-out now, at least she said they are going to pull up," She quipped, stuffing her face. In the background, a group of rowdy cheers erupted from the boys cluttered around the pool table. You seemed to be the only one not phased by the noise. A boy with longish blonde hair fisted his arms in the air, before punching his friends shoulder, letting out a war cry of victory. His friend had a sling around his arm, giving a painful but supportive smile.

Mikasa. Mikasa? Your heart slowed as you swirled your drink around in your hands. You only knew one Mikasa, but what were the chances she is the only one in the area?

Hitch swiveled around in her chair, pointing at the ceiling, "I think... that's them."

You slowly craned your head up to the ceiling as the others did, listening closely through the music. The sound of footsteps loudly passing overhead and becoming faint as they headed for the basement door. A gasp hitched from next to you. Taking a slow blink, you peered next to you to only be greeted by a horrified expression on Sasha's face. Her mouth was sort of slack jawed, eyes wide and staring not into your eyes but lower.

Instinctively, you hand clasped over your neck. 

When your neck was strained upwards, obviously the turtle neck wouldn't stay in place. It's so obvious. Your fingers frantically pulled at the top of the neck, making sure it sufficiently covered the hateful bruises, looking away from Sasha's gaze.

"[Name]- [Name] what the hell-"

"-Hey! Yeager, took you long enough."

A pang hit your chest.

It was like slow motion. Two feats were before you, and you didn't know which to face. You could feel the warmth of Sasha's fingers ghosting around your hand to grab onto you, obviously unknowing of the presence that sent you into a shock. You never told her who exactly your ex was. And here you were, both him and the past laid before her. Slowly, you craned your head to the side, hair brushing out of your vision as a sight before you practically flickered.

Your heart was palpitating like you were having a heart attack, banging against your rib cage in an unearthly fear of confrontation. Fear of your emotions, and fear of him.

Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman entered with bags of food, and casually entering next was Eren Yeager.

Badum.

Your heart skipped a fearful beat just at the sight of him.

His hair was pulled up into it's man-bun due to the length, brown and beautifully-messy like usual. His face was clean shaven, compared to how it was the last time you saw him. He wore a gray shirt that when brushed against his abdomen showed his muscles, which was paired with black sweats. He waved a careless hand at the long haired blonde, rolling his beautiful green eyes that have long lost their sparkle. A gleam shined around his finger, the ring you once gave him a month into your relationship. He was so pretty- but he looked so normal, he looked so okay-

It was all too much to handle. 

You aren't ready to see him like this.

You took a step back into Sasha, who was saying something but you couldn't hear what. All that your ears were registering was the silent humming and constant beating of your heart. You hadn't even noticed Bertolt had long since hopped off the floor and approached the side of the bar, a bit confused by both Sasha and your expressions. 

And then he looked at you.

He saw you.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂


	2. Someone, Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ The ones who simply tell you to "move on" because it's been so long have never felt it. They have never felt the crushing pain of losing that only person you talked to everyday, the crushing feeling of breaking that routine and finally being alone after months.
> 
> It's never easy to move on. You can't help but be envious of the people who do it quickly, or don't even need to experience the process. You sure they aren't hurting as bad, but at what cost?

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ You weren't his anymore.

It's been months since the tragic separation that caused you to be evicted from your last apartment due to complaints of noise due to loud, curse filled arguments and damage to the apartment itself. It was when the manager noticed your front door was so fucked up that it could barely shut and lock properly that you were given a two-weeks notice to move out. 

It's been months since he asked you where you were going, if you were going somewhere with anyone, and if you would stay in his car whilst he was at work so he knew where you were. 

It's been months, but Eren Yeager still managed to make you feel like you were his.

The look in his eyes when your pair caught onto his said it all. Though he passed off his expression as unphased, his eyes spoke clear to you.

'What are you doing here.'

Somehow he still managed to keep you under his control. At first the protection felt loving, something that made you flustered and playfully joke around with him, but overtime his behavior started to feel like a growing cage around you. You could no longer joke about where you were going, because you didn't want him to get mad, even if it wasn't true. Even when broken up and having hookups, it was the same. 

Two days ago, just after he ravaged you on the innocence of your white sheets and collapsed next to you, did he ask what you were doing later.

"I-I think I'm going to the library," You gulped before exhaling shakily, breath finally returning to your trembling form. A tan finger curled one of your locks around itself, eyes shifting back towards the restful look on your face. He propped himself up on one arm, the other reaching over to your side. The warm hand glided down the side of your bruised curvature, before pulling you in closer.

The action made you hiss between your lips, pain throbbing under his grip.

"Stay with me."

It wasn't a suggestion.

Nonetheless, you agreed by simply leaning into his touch, bloody lips catching onto his wet ones. Hungrily he pushed your heated lower back into him so you could arch closer, closing any gaps between your already sex-scented bodies, and so another session continued.

That possession was adamant now. He never showed it in public, Eren Yeager is known to be a good actor, but you knew that part of him.

Currently he looked so unbothered, turning a blind eye to you and sauntering over to the pool table to join his friends. You couldn't help but feel afraid that you had done something wrong. You weren't his property anymore, but it still felt so wrong.

Your hearing came back when your prying eyes finally pulled away from him, and so did the rest of your senses. Automatically Sasha's voice in your right ear came through, first as a soft hum but slowly becoming urgent questions and suggestions to step aside to 'talk.' Her hand tugged onto your wrist, trying to pull you to look at her, but instead you bottomed your drink that had nearly spilled out of the squeezed solo cup.

The action was sudden, causing her to falter.

"Can I have another?"

Sasha gave a concerned look, leaning down and before peering up towards your downwards facing head to get a good glimpse of your frozen expression. 

"[Name]," She whispered, "Do you want to-"

"Please," You cut her off urgently, "it's just hickeys, okay? Can I have another one."

"Those aren't just..."

"Just pour me another fucking drink," You exclaimed, before hushing your tone. Annie, Hitch, and already attentive Bertolt's heads now staring in your direction. The attention was too much to handle, emotions were already swelling in your stomach and up towards your head like a heated kettle, ready to make you burst into tears. "Please, Sasha."

A warmth flooded in your face as the familiar feeling of wetness running down your cheeks caught your attention. It was too late, you had already begun to cry. Hurriedly, you rushed to wipe the wetness off your face. Dark smudges were left on the cotton sleeves of the white turtle-neck due to rubbing your mascara which left a slight shadow around your eyelids.

"Please."

Without furthermore comments, Sasha did as she was asked. The aura around the bar had become awkward, Hitch and Annie unsure if continuing their conversation would be suitable, and Bertolt ushering a plastic packet of travel-Kleenex's onto the counter in front of you. Gingerly you slipped the packet in your grip, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes as you struggled to rip the plastic open through blurry vision.

What have you become?

Why did you even go to this.

Sasha set a new solo cup in front of you.

Like it was water, you bottomed it down again, throat stinging like it was on fire at the uncomfortable taste. She had given you straight vodka this time. It was horrendous, nearly making your lurch the ramen you had for breakfast. Sniffing the wetness that was ready to drip out of your nose back in, Sasha ushered you out from behind the bar, offering to direct your pathetic form up to the bathroom. You bet you looked like a mess, and to others it looked like you were one without reason, that is, if they did notice you from between Bertolt and Sasha.

"Sash, you stay here and help Mikasa and Armin, I've got this."

The comment wasn't directed towards you at all, it was like the two of them were babysitting an out-of-hand child, speaking about you as if you weren't there. Sasha hesitated, but Bertolt had already set a hand on your upper back, leading you back upstairs. You passed over the feet of people watching football, and passed the gazes of both Mikasa and Armin who recognized you instantly whilst setting the take out down on the coffee table. 

Armin nudged Mikasa, giving her a look of worry.

Just like most people, they hadn't seen you in awhile. But unlike most people, they both had more of an inkling about the relationship between Eren and you. They were his best friends after all.

●●●●

No words were uttered for a long while, awkward silence lingering between the two of you former classmates. 

Leaning over the fancy granite sink, your half-lidded eyes gazed back into your own. The surrounding skin was wiped clean of smudged mascara with the help of some water that woke you up from your little episode, as well as the tissues Bertolt had given earlier. Many of said tissues were used to blow your leaking nose, though, a thing you couldn't help when you cried.

"Do you want me to get you another drink?"

His tone was so serious, it made you giggle. The light hearted, choked out laughter startled the both of you. 

"Another drink would be nice," You whispered with a side smile, sniffing again.

There was no time to relax when under the same roof as Eren Yeager. But once you finally left that stuffed room and went up to the second story, a full floor between you two gave you comfort. It made you wonder, maybe it was best to leave now? What's the point in catching your breath now if you're only to sit in the same room as him once again. Share the same glances and possibly interact with each other.

In the end, the next time Eren would come over unannounced, he'd more than likely bring it up. The side smile slowly started to fall at the thought, anxiety slowly starting to grow it's dark tentacles from behind your heart, tendrils ready to grasp around the muscle and make it work itself.

"B-bertolt," You gasped out, fingers catching the cuff of the shirt hidden under his green sweater. His tall figure had already pivoted in the other direction to bring you your drink, in his mind thinking he'd just bring you a bottle of wine from the cellar. Cocking his head to the side, he looked down at you.

"I'm sorry for making things, ah... u-uncomfortable," You continued to stutter, "I just- Sasha invited me to make new friends and it was..."

"...Overwhelming?" He chuckled as you nodded your head slowly, a bit embarrassed to say so. Bertolt leaned an arm against the door frame of the bathroom as he let off a shrug, "You're alright, you didn't make anyone uncomfortable. I get like that too sometimes, I feel you."

You raised an eyebrow.

"I promise you, no one noticed. I'll tell Hitch and Annie to hush about it, if you want."

Thanking him gently, Bertolt gave you one last reassuring smile before disappearing, his back going out of sight once he made a turn for the staircase for the first floor. You forgot what a nice guy he was, or least, from what you knew. He cared for his grades and was very adamant about reaching his goals, but you also noticed how he was adamant about his friends reaching their goals too.

It's a funny story. His friend, who you did see watching football with him earlier, is a player for the college you once attended. Though the team isn't well-known for having amazing plays, and honestly is just a gateway for drunk party celebrations for when there are games, Bertolt still was always there cheering him on. In class he'd blabber about his plays, or when the blonde-haired athlete came to class to walk with Bertolt, you'd always hear such intense conversations. You never exactly talked in class, but he'd still take the time to turn around to you to ask if you went to the games.

When you decline, he'd always invite you to come, and then show you videos from the game. It always confused you since you never knew him well, but now you realize how you should've appreciated the kindness of a could-be friend. Of course, you ruined said chance. But you can't help but say you're glad the two of you met up again.

You hadn't even realized that he never questioned why you dropped out. You're sort of grateful for the fact.

Running your finger over the dark gray accent in the granite surface of the counter-top, you followed it all around, trailing the cool pad of your finger all over as you patiently waited. Hair softly fell over your shoulder as you tilted your head, using the trail as a way to relax your breathing. Carefully, your eyes trailed up the wall once your hand stopped at the end of the line, up towards the mirror. Footsteps emerged from the background.

"That was fast," You acknowledged warmly.

When peering up at the mirror, your gaze was caught by green eyes that shone with something one would see in the wild. 

Eyes that gleamed like a predators would when crawling upon its prey after circling it for hours out of entertainment, to watch the way it wiggles in discomfort and try to escape from a cage. Eyes that are ready to gobble up the weak prey in any second, damn well knowing they had the power to. The sudden change in atmosphere made you shrink. It wasn't Bertolt with you now.

The cage was the bathroom, the entrance blocked by Eren Yeager.

He leaned against the frame of the door, eyeing you from above, inspecting your face with disinterest.

In his hand was a solo cup that he raised simply, gesturing it towards you. 

"It's for you," He muttered, "Your little boyfriend let me bring it to you."

Those lips you once worshipped gave a sneer as you cowered from him, turning around and clumsily backing into the sick, nearly knocking your knees out. 

As you backed away, Eren took steps further. Once inside of the isolated bathroom, he used the heel of his shoe to close the door behind him, and with a rough kick he shut it completely. The sound made you flinch out of instinct, memories of the time he broke your front door flashing in your head. Finally in complete isolation, the predator had its prey in their hands.

"E-eren," You said, unsure if it was a question.

He quirked a teasing brow at you as he continued to step towards you. The cool feeling of the bathroom wall had hit your back, just between the sink and the shower. Eren stepped a leg between your slightly parted legs, forcing them a bit apart with the thick of his thigh, to where his knee hit the back of the wall as well. Tilting his head, he raised the solo cup in front of your face.

"Come on, [Name]," He coaxed, "Be nice, drink his fucking drink."

You shook your head slowly in response, turning your head to the side to face in a different direction as he pushed the white top of the cup closer to your lips. Eren took his free hand, grabbing at your jaw, yanking your face back. His fingers clenched at the soft flesh of your cheeks, forcibly shaking your head from side to side before pulling you forward. His thumb continued to caress your cheek as he leaned the tip of the cup against your lips.

"Don't be a prude," Eren hissed, "Drink it."

Without warning, he tilted the filled cup in your direction, vodka instantly pouring over the edge and droplets slipping around your mouth and dribbling onto your chest and the floor. No matter how hard you tried to move your head, his hand held an iron grip on your face. You whined and opened your mouth to protest, but you only ended up sputtering and choking out as alcohol filled your mouth and continued to drip down your chin. 

"'Made a mess on the floor," He ridiculed, "you've always been ungrateful."

Dropping the cup aside, Eren let go of your face with an aggressive force that had your head lolling to the side. Before you could catch your breath, an instant smack blew your head into the other direction. A soundless cry escaped past your lips as you reached up to grab your face, only to have your hand swatted aside. Once again, Eren held your face.

He leaned down to your height, pushing his forehead against your own.

"Why the fuck were you crying, huh?"

Stammering out incoherent mumbles of words, Eren laughed, tapping his pointer finger on your cheek. Your eyes were already shining with a new-found wetness due to the stinging of your cheek, but also by the singing of his words. The closeness between the two of you still made your heart swell sickeningly, but his words stabbed at every part of your body. The sight of you on the verge of tears made his usual-deadpan face smile, laced with something sinister.

"It turns me on so much, you know?"

"E-eren," You choked out, hands reaching up for his own, gripping at his wrist, "P-please, I just want to go..."

"Go where, [Name]? Where are you going to go?"

Eren raised his knee up your legs, lower thigh brushing against the bottom of your dress. His eyes peered down at your body, before back at you.

"I know you miss me."

And so the waterworks started. Trembling, you let out a soft sob, the vision of him before you becoming a hot, blurry mess. 

"I know you still love me, too," He cooed softly, leaning down to your ear. His breath was hot against the shell of your ear, making goosebumps grow in waves all around your body. Running a free hand down the side of your body, he paused at the plush of your upper thighs, teasingly sticking his thumb past the fabric of your dress. "Say it," Eren demanded, "Say you still love me."

All you could spill out was a strangled 'mm' as you tried to stop crying, biting your bottom lip and aggressively sniffing as wet snot tried to trail out of your nose. Hiccups rolled out of your chest as you kept trying to look away from him, trying to hide from his view. His hand dropped from your face, cupping your stinging cheek before grazing itself down your shoulder, to your arm, then hopping to your waist. His muscular arm curled around to your back, pulling you closer while you tried to wipe at your snoting face.

"Say it."

You hiccupped into his chest, letting his hand trail up your thigh and up to your hip under your dress. He fingered at the lace of your panties, sticking his fingers under the fabric to feel the heat of your flesh. His thumb pressed up against your hip bone before rubbing circles on the skin. 

"I-I love y-you."

A mantra of unashamed 'I love yous' spilled through hiccups and sobs as you cried into his chest, body limp against his power but also due to your own pain and helplessness. Erens hard on was apparent through his sweats, the feeling of his bulge hard against the thigh he had hiked up. The predator had caught his prey. He murmured multiple husky 'yeah you do,' and 'I know's under his breath as he rocked himself against your overheating body, before pulling you into an embrace that you barely even felt in the moment. You gladly wrapped your hands around him and held onto his shoulders for dear life as you could barely make a coherent sentence.

"Let's go home."

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ We'll soon see more of Eren's pain, but for now, I really wanted to focus on yours so we can get equal footing!
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one! Mwa.
> 
> Reminder : I edit my chapters fully after I publish them whilst on my phone as it's easier, so for people who see this first, I apologize for any mistakes.


	3. What I Miss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Eren is aware of his power against you, but never understood the mere power of his strength.
> 
> It's also time you meet some new people.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ He loved touching you.

Eren loved the warmth of your skin against his own, much like a security blanket. The way your body could slide and fit into his like a puzzle piece made him ache for more touch, ache for your fingers to glide through his hair and hold his face affectionately. Touching you intoxicated him.

Every time you were near, his hands found themselves onto you. In public he used to keep a hand on your back, around your waist, or classically just holding yours. When in bed together, he most enjoyed the times where your legs were tangled together when facing each other. The classic position of one of your legs thrown over his body, one of his sticking between the gap of your legs, whilst your other was bunched up between your bodies made his head swirl in the moment.

Watching your stomach inflate and deflate always entertained him. He'd always set the palm of his hand on your belly-button, stretching out his fingers which would make you giggle breathlessly. "That's ticklish," You would huff.

You never were scared of his touch before. If anything, you enjoyed holding onto him a bit more than he ever did. But the way you flinched at any sudden movement now ever since your big break-up infuriated him. It's always been pissing him off. Nonetheless, your form still reluctantly found itself melding into his, because you always let him come back.

Don't get him wrong.

Eren knew what he was doing wasn't right.

It's toxic to say he enjoyed the power he had.

There were so many nights that he spent alone where he stared at the ceiling, yearning for you, yearning for your sweet presence. So he'd call you, never text. It was established between the two of you that you'd rather hear each others voices than read texts that were too hard to analyze. 

He cherished how innocent your angelic voice was, even in the middle of night when you were groggy from deep sleep. 

"Hi Eren," You'd murmur huskily through the phone.

It was safe to say his heart would skip a beat. Every time, you were so eager to talk to him, no matter what shit he dragged you through days before. No matter the horrible things he did to you, especially months before. And so after every phone call, it became routine that he'd come over to your apartment. The both of you so touch starved, sometimes when he barely shut the door behind him did the two of you launch yourselves at each other. 

There were also the times when he'd enter and simply pull you into a tight squeeze, your soothing hands rubbing up his upper arms, nursing his pain. No words exchanged between the two of you, just simple agreement in the air.

Just like now, no words were being uttered in the silence of the bathroom. Eren had long-since picked you up by your thighs and set you onto the sink counter as you calmed down. Both palms were patiently planted on either side of your legs, his height hunched down to stare into your eyes. He couldn't help but peer down at the bruising that still lingered on your thighs, where his fingers had formerly pressed deep into your skin as he pounded you.

Curiously, he raised a hand lazily up towards your neck. You tilted your head upwards obediently so he could tug the top of your turtle neck down. Eren hummed in praise, eyes flickering to your own, only to see how warily you were watching him. Those wide eyes shined sheepishly behind tears that had started to slow. The cotton strained around the back of your neck as the front was pulled down as far it could go, which was only to a little bit above your collarbones. But the damage done was clearly visible from above anyways.

He inhaled sharply at the sight. 

"What happened?"

His thumb paused just under what were hickeys, where a huge splotch of dark purple and blue was. Aghast, he pushed the digit against the tender skin. Immediately your neck recoiled from his touch, gasping out in pain. Your bottom lip continued to quiver, tears once again threatening to spill out of your already-sensitive eyes. 

"W-what?"

"I-" Eren tugged his hand away, "I don't remember."

His words fell into a whisper, "I know I did those but... when did I do that..." When he said those, he gestured a curled finger at the peppered yet nonetheless dark hickeys that trailed up towards your jaw. 

"Who did that?"

A horrified expression started to cross your face as his words settled in the pits of your stomach. Your fingers gingerly rolled up the fabric of the turtleneck as you eyed his concerned form.

"You-"

"No," Eren cut you off with an unsure laugh, "No, I didn't do that."

"Y-Yes you did?"

"Shut up," He snapped, almost whining, "Shut the fuck up. That wasn't me."

You winced at the tone of his voice. The shout cut through the air between the two of you, and if someone was lingering nearby, they probably would've heard it too. Promptly, you set both of your hands on Eren's shoulder, trying to calm him down. Hastily your own eyes searched his, trying to read him. The action made him lean into you, making you heave as his chest collapsed into you. His head leaned against the mirror behind you.

The rapid beating of the both of your hearts could be felt.

"I would never hurt you," He sobbed out.

Terrified, you moved your arms to slip under his own so you could hold onto his back. Soothingly, you glide your hands up and down his back, trying to calm his breathing. You wish he would do the same for your trembling figure.

"I know," You said with a broken whisper, "I know."

His body shook in your hold. With arms snaked around your waist, he kept trying to pull you in tighter even though there was no room left between the two of you. He kept trying and trying as he shuddered out the last of his shaky breaths. Carefully, when it felt safe, you squeezed one of your arms out of from between you two so you could cup his face from behind you. Affectionately, he rubbed his cheek into your palm, whispering loving things into your ear, trying to redeem himself.

The two of you stayed like that for a long time.

●●●●

No one seemed to notice the absence of the both of you.

Except for four. Mikasa sat impatiently at the couch, picking at her food with her chopsticks, eyes flickering over to the basement entrance. Armin noticed how antsy she had become, and gave her a reassuring smile. "They'll be back soon," He said, not exactly sure if he believed it himself, "They're probably just talking."

Sasha was wallowing in her food. In the time she had started, she also snatched Connie's box of takeout and snatched Jeans fortune cookie, much to his protests. What kind of friend was she? She was belittling herself for not staying with you, and forgetting about your absence until now, when everyone was laughing around the tv and eating together. It wasn't till she sat down and noticed two unopened boxes that she realized you weren't present.

She did question Bertolt about it. With a little nudge to his arm, interrupting his focus on Reiner and Marcos' conversation, she asked if you had left after he took you upstairs. Bertolt seemed to blank at first, also realizing you nor' Eren have came back downstairs since he last left you.

"I went to bring her another drink but Yeager offered to bring it up for me, 'said that he knew [Name]."

For some reason that didn't exactly set right on her shoulders. Noticing the expression on Sasha's face, pity swelled in his own stomach. 

"Should I go check on them?"

Without a beat, just before Bertolt had risen up off the couch, did footsteps come clearly from the basement staircase. Emerging from the darkness came Eren Yeager with a meek [Name] [Last Name] trailing closely behind, practically hiding behind his back. In her hands was her white turtleneck, now stained and stunk of alcohol. Now around her figure, a huge black jacket hung over her, along with the hood up. It was far too large for your frame, obviously not your own. 

It smelled of Eren's cologne. 

Bertolt had seen it earlier when he came upstairs with you. The article of clothing was thrown lazily onto one of the bar-stools in front of the kitchen island. On you it was sort of cute, the way it swallowed you whole. Especially as it was zipped up all the way. Though he couldn't help but wonder as to why you were wearing his jacket.

Were you two a thing?

Jeans laugh made the whole room practically roll their eyes. "Yeager! I can't get over that hair," He snorted, "Lookin' like a damn hobo."

Eren squinted, "You have a mullet."

Connie howled, "You do! You do have a mullet!"

"And your hair can't even grow more than an inch, don't talk to me," Tched Jean.

It wasn't till Bertolt saw the two of you from a side view that he noticed Eren's arm stretched backwards, holding onto your wrist as you mindlessly followed him. Your hands were hidden inside of the oversized jacket, other than your fingers that curled on the outside to tug on the fabric cutely. 

Cutely? Did he say cutely?

Sasha waved erratically at you, "[Name]! Come sit with me, I saved extra cookies for us!"

Your plump lips fell open into an 'o', looking over at Eren as you stopped the both of you in your tracks. You tugged your wrist a bit to get his attention, and when he did glance back, he gave a confused look. With eyes that were pleading as politely as you could, you murmured something to him, gesturing your head into Sasha's direction. Eren's brows furrowed, causing his forehead to wrinkle.

"Since when did you have friends?" He asked under his breath.

"I-" Hesitantly, you looked back at Sasha and Bertolt.

"Or do you want to just sit close to Bertolt, huh?" 

"P-please," You whispered, "People are staring."

With that, Eren knocked your wrist away, stepping over some feet so he could plop down on the furthest leather couch with Armin and Mikasa, who greeted him gleefully. You were right, he hadn't even noticed that people's eyes were lingering on the scene he was brewing. Mikasa just raised an eyebrow in a way to ask 'What happened?'. Eren shrugged his shoulders, leaning all the way back against the couch.

A bit stunned, you wondered if you should follow him.

To your left, Sasha still sat expectantly, a growing worry in her chest as you struggled to decide where to go. The sudden need to make a choice made your chest coil in anxiety, the air around you becoming way too thick. Your breathing was becoming shallow, eyes flickering between the two of them as you realized just how awkward you must look standing there alone. The only person standing.

Nearly tripping her own feet, Sasha got up and quickly hopped over to you, grabbing onto your elbow.

"C'mon," She said with a smile, "I saved a seat for you."

You nodded, mumbling a thank you as she guided you over to the couch she sat on. There were only two in the basement, one that paralleled the television set and the other that was facing the space between. They weren't that big of couches, so many people were sprawled out on the floor on cushions or just the rug itself. Sasha tugged you down onto the couch so you sat next to her. She smiled widely, picking an unopened takeout box off the floor. As she looked away, you tugged down at both your dress and the jacket, hiding what peeked out from under the fabric when you sat down.

"I had to fight myself from eating it," She said, and you think you saw drool nearly sopping out of her mouth.

It made you crack a smile. You took the chopsticks she also offered, and opened it.

You haven't had good food in awhile.

At first you kept your head down as you picked in the box, before shyly slurping some noodles. Thankfully, the sound of Sasha eating overpowered your own. Reiner at one point snapped at her to keep it down, which surprised you.

"I'm Reiner Braun," He introduced, sticking out a large hand to shake yours. He had to reach over Bertolt's lap, but he still managed to do so without much of a stretch. Falteringly, you glanced back at Eren to see if he was watching. For some reason you were filled with an inconsolable pain when you saw he was busy talking to other people, not even glancing in your direction. A girl with long blonde hair sat in front of the couch, talking about something passionately as she swallowed her noodles whole. Yet another girl, taller in size, with brown hair pulled into a pony-tail slapped her back so that she coughed out her food.

The blonde haired girl he was talking to was pretty. 

Were you jealous?

Looking back at Reiner, your small hand enveloped his as you shook hands. Sasha, baffled, laughed aloud. "Reiner you've got fat hands!" She said through a full mouth, pointing accusingly, "Compare hands right now!"

"[Name] just has small hands," Pointed out Reiner as he put his hand out straight so the two of you could press your palms together to compare hand sizes, "Also there's no such thing as fat hands."

"Woah!" Hooted out the boy named Connie, pointing his solo cup in your direction from his position on the floor, "Reiner stop making moves in public, aren't you ashamed?"

"Yeah Reiner," Spat out Eren, "Aren't you ashamed?"

At the sound of his voice, you tugged your hand away, shrinking back on the couch. When he spoke, he wasn't staring at Reiner, but instead at you. Testing you, asking you if you were ashamed instead. 

●●●●

The night couldn't pass by any slower.

It had become ten at night just when you finally checked your phone for the first time in hours. People were still sprawled around the tv as Hitch, the short haired girl with bangs from earlier, had suggested the group watch some movies whilst you were all crowding around. Reiner's head was thrown back on the couch, his snoring soft. He had fallen asleep halfway through the first movie. Bertolt tried his best to continue conversation with Sasha and you, but Sasha was near passed out as well after filling her stomach with so much food.

You were hard to talk to after the scene Eren pulled.

You couldn't help but keep looking at him throughout the night. Each time, your eyes caught onto one another's. Each time, your stomach swirled like a girl would when her crush looked at her. You were so afraid of him, but still were so enamored by him at the same time. It was disgusting, shameful, it was every insult in the book.

In the silence of the room, you carefully stood up, trying to make the least amount of noise possible. Bertolt went to ask you what you were doing, but you simply gave a sheepish smile at waved, gesturing towards the door.

It seemed you had finally decided it was time to go home.

For some reason, you didn't exactly want to leave, but you haven't felt comfortable in this gathering. You needed to leave, yet you felt bad. Everyone you met so far was so kind to you.

Tiptoeing behind the couch, you gingerly approached the door of the basement, pausing as your hand ghosted over the knob. Peering behind you one last time, you noticed the same pair of green eyes stuck on you. Staring at you, questioning what you were doing. Of course Eren was still awake. Armin, next to him, was deeply interested in the movie, whilst Mikasa's eyes were shut. More than likely in the midst of falling asleep.

You nudged your head towards the door nervously, before signaling that he should come with you.

Was this a good idea?

Eren raised both of his eyebrows before standing, not caring if he woke anyone up in the process of him moving over to you. He towered over your form, creaking the door open. Leaning down to your ear, you could feel the smile on his face as he exhaled.

"I couldn't wait for you to ask."

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ For anyone wondering, I added the physical abuse tag due to a comment that reminded me to. I'd just like to say there will be nothing crazy, Eren isn't going to hurt you physically other than slaps and moving you aggressively, but I wholeheartedly agree it is best to have the tag.
> 
> If anything a lot of this fan-fiction is going to be the both of you struggling to heal whilst experiencing mental and physical conquests, but I can promise there will be those fluffy moments. Woot woot, amirite.
> 
> Smut warning as its coming soon.


	4. It's Just Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Dear Carla Yeager.
> 
> I'm sorry I couldn't change him for the better.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ There will never be a place more familiar than Eren Yeager's car.

It was a big vehicle, a 2018 black Jeep Wrangler that you have spent hours upon hours in. The inside was homey, luxurious to Eren's tastes. The seats were a smooth, non-textured leather that had your skin sticking to it during humid summer days, and during cold winter nights did they make any movement icy. In the back trunk, there was a thick quilted blanket folded perfectly that was used just for those cold nights. It hasn't been touched in a long while, though, since it was a creation by Carla Yeager.

She made it as a gift for the two of you for your six month anniversary. It was a known fact that when Eren went to work, sometimes you came with him in the car and slept in the backseat until he was on break or finished his shift. Instead of lecturing the two of you more on how odd that routine was, she simply made you a quilt so you could stay warm.

'One of the kindest women known to man', is what everyone would say when they were asked to describe her. You'd agree wholeheartedly. Carla was like a mother to you as well, as your parents weren't in your life anymore. Not by death, no, but by choice. But that's a story for another day.

Just before Carla passed, she would give you lingering looks, and one night from her hospital bed she grabbed onto your hand. 

"Eren's a crazy boy," She said softly, "I love him, but it can be hard sometimes. Please take care of him for me when I'm gone, will you?"

"You're not going anywhere Carla," You said, squeezing your grip around her frail hands.

She rolled those beautiful, big eyes of hers. They were always filled with the same ambition, all the way till her last moments. "I'm serious [Name]," Carla hummed, "That boy... I know he's been tough on you recently, don't think I can't hear you two out in the hallway... Hospital walls are thin, believe it or not."

She gazed those warm eyes into your soul, pulling you closer as she hushed her voice, "If he gives you hell, I'll haunt him from my grave, just tell my ghost."

The two of you laughed. It was safe to say the damage her death had done was crater like for a whole lot of you. 

Instead of hearing the news from Eren, you heard from Armin when you had worryingly texted him about Eren's whereabouts. He didn't answer any calls or texts for a week, nor' did he come to your old apartment which he practically lived at. When you went over to his own apartment, neither him or Mikasa answered. Though Armin was a friend, he was just as devastated by Carla's passing, but he still had enough left in him to inform you about what he knew.

"He hasn't told you?" He asked on the other line of the phone, the faint shuffling of his papers and books in the background. 

"Told me what?" You questioned, standing on the tips of your toes as you pulled a glass out of one of the high kitchen cabinets. It was nearing dinner-time in the [Last Name] household, and even though Eren hadn't been in home in a long while, you still prepared two glasses and two plates in case he did come home.

"[Name]... Carla died."

In an instant, the glass you pulled shattered at the impact of falling against the floor. Shards of glass flew across the tiled floor, some sitting on the top of your socked feet. Christmas socks that Carla had gotten you as a gift just a week before. It wasn't hard to believe that it had finally happened, the older woman's health was deteriorating fast, but you don't think anyone could've been prepared for that moment. After a moment, you finally let out a long, soft cry.

"W-where's Eren? Is- Is he-"

"No one knows," He whispered, "Not even Mikasa. He didn't go to the funeral."

There was a funeral?

You missed her funeral?

Another pained sob stretched out of your throat as your body slowly fell down into a squat. A hand stayed gripping on top of the counter as you pressed your forehead against the chill wood of bottom cabinets. You stayed like that for awhile while Armin sat on the other side in silence, his fan blowing at his books just white noise to your ears. After solemnly ending that call, you contacted Grisha Yeager next to give him your condolences, and apologize for all you had missed.

It wasn't till a month after your breakup did you find out Eren was couch-surfing and partying his problems away. Scrolling back on social media, you had found pictures and videos during that time where you could see him drinking feverishly and getting handsy with other girls. Some pictures on said girls accounts were a bit too much for you to see, where his lips were locked with theirs and his hands cupping places all over their bodies.

You never brought it up with him. He came unannounced to your apartment after a few days, and all you could do was open your arms for him. Practically collapsing into the hug, you could smell the stench of alcohol and sex off of his clothes and skin. Instead of questioning it, you simply ran a hand up into his hair, massaging at his scalp.

"She told me to take care of you," You grieved, "Don't disappear like that again, okay?"

And now here you were, in a car with him, eyes gazing at the trunk through his front mirror.

This car was filled with bad memories.

●●●●

The car was an unchanging scenery that had history you wish one could delete like you could text messages.

But your apartments. The scenery was always changing for you.

Even though it was a completely new place that has only been used for five months, Eren knew it better than the palm of his hand. The route from his new apartment to yours, the route from his job to your home, the nearby streets and hang-outs nearby. The inside, though he spent most time in the bed, was mapped into the back of his skull. The layout was simple, much like most small-sized studio apartments for broke college students. He knew where you kept little knick-knacks and how you organized your kitchen cupboards, he knew where you kept your sex toys hidden and he knew where you liked to hide gifts you'd get him.

He also knew which garage was yours due to the amount of times he had stopped by to help fix the broken, beat up vehicle you once used. It was him who suggested you start walking instead of driving.

There was a special drawer in your dresser that you'd place clothes he left behind.

The ride to your house was silent.

In his front mirror he could see the way you glanced at the back seats, eyeing the cleanliness. Then the way your eyes would shift out the window, letting the roads shake you softly from side to side. What he enjoyed most was when you'd look over to him, thinking he didn't notice. 

After glancing at Eren again, he decided to make eye contact. Being caught made those cute, thick cheeks of yours become dusted with flush. The way you were wrapped around his finger, even after the shit he dragged you through, made his stomach swirl. It turned him on too.

As he turned his view back to the road, which was a red stop light, he took the time to reach his hand over to your knee. It was covered by the softness of your thigh highs, which he had a thing for. Your breath hitched at the action, nonetheless still turning your legs to face him so he could hold you better.

Your thighs quivered as he slowly raised his hands up your thighs, passing the top of the fabric and at the sliver of your skin available to him between the socks and his jacket he had offered you to hide those horrendous marks on your skin. Carefully, you rolled up the fabric of the jacket so it was just the silk of your dress. The bottom slightly hitched up at the movement of the jacket, showing more bruised skin than he expected you to show.

Eren hissed at the sight, "Good girl."

With his eyes back on the road, he let his hand trailed up the fat of your thighs. He paused to grope at the soft flesh, thumb caressing the inside of your legs in circular motions. As the thumb gazed higher skin, you obediently spread your legs a bit to give him room. Taking advantage of the situation, he raised his hand farther once slipping past the dress, dipping past the crease of your thighs to the heat your pussy.

You squirmed as his hand cupped your sex, eyes stuck on Eren's face. His jaw flexed at the strangled noise you made past tightly closed lips.

He looked so hot right then. With his serious eyes stuck on the road, one veined hand grasping at the steering wheel, whilst the other had shifted so he could thumb through the thin-fabric of your underwear onto your clit. The way he looked so serious made the bundle of nerves inside you pulsate.

"E-Eren," You gasped out as his unnaturally cold hand pushed the fabric of your underwear aside, "Y-You're driving."

"Do you want me to stop?" He mused, using circular motions around your clit. He pushed down on the sensitive bud, making you cry out. Immediately, one of your hands reached down to clasp around his wrist, which stayed unbudging to your movement. You still shook your head no, urging him to continue.

His fingers slid through your folds, laughing lightly, "'Already so fucking wet for me."

Eren slapped at the slick, making you yelp aloud. "Take the jacket off and turn your legs."

Shakily, your fingers trembled as they tried to quickly grip at the zipper and pull it down as fast as you could. Clumsily unbuckling your seatbelt, you tugged the item of clothing off your overheating body. It was pushed aside as you shifted on the leather seat so your back could hit the door on your side, the slightly extruding metal handle digging into your shoulder blade. A bit embarrassed, you pulled up the fabric of your dress as you opened your legs a tad.

He glanced at your trembling form, cock visibly throbbing through his sweatpants. Now with easier access, he continued to roughly play with your clit. He was fast paced, causing you too whimper and buck your hips pathetically up into the air, trying to guide his hand downwards to your hole. 

"Greedy bitch," He groaned out, "Tell me what you want."

Once again, his fingers dipped down to your heat, circling it as you choked out a cry at the sudden lack of movement.

"P-Please," You whined out, trying to grind yourself onto his hand, "Pleasee."

"Say it."

"F-ffuck me," You pleaded, "Please, please, please-"

Those cock-sucking lips widened in euphoria as his fingers easily dipped into you, squelching around your wetness. It made your cheeks blow into a fire, yet you shamefully continued to try and buck your hips into his fast moving finger. Your breaths had become labored, that and the sound of your pussy filling the car. Without warning he already added a second finger. 

Eren curled both fingers upward, grazing the softness of your insides. He pressed against the spot, making you throw your head back in bliss. The back of your head was met with the car window, but you didn't care. You wailed out, frantically trying to drive him in further. One hand gripped the seat you were sitting on whilst the other trailed up your body, grasping at your breast.

"Stop fucking moving-" He suddenly pulled his fingers out, slapping at your pussy, "your fucking hips."

You whimpered, head lolling to the side, enjoying the pain. Grounding your ass down into the seat, you spread your leads further apart, trying to coax him back.

Your pussy was inflamed, twitching and covered in slick, begging for his cock. Eren groaned out, furiously shoving his fingers back in. This time it did hurt, making you wince. Your hand once again tried to grab at his wrist, but it was to no use, he continued to ferociously finger fuck you.

"I-" You struggled to speak between moans, "I-I'm gonna-"

The car lurched to a halt at the red light. And so Eren took the chance. With foot pressed as hard as he could on the break, he pivoted his upper body to face yours. 

"Lift your hips."

Compliantly, you did as you were told, sobbing at the lack of motion. With a pop, Eren's thick fingers were taken out of your aching hole, a stretch of slick following them. Using both of his hands, he tried to raise your hips more by holding just under the cusp of your ass. Hotly, his tongue lapped up your slit, causing you to gasp.

His mouth closed around your clit and sucked onto the sensitive bud. Your heart did a flip when his determined eyes stared right back into yours, unmoving. The eye contact had you mewling. Peppering quick kisses onto your pussy, he leaned down and stuck his tongue into you. You reached one hand down for his hair, tugging on it to try and pull his face any closer. The muscle flexed inside of you roaming around, in and out. 

Knowing not much time was left, he pulled away with a pop, moving your shaking weight onto one of his hands. He pulled his arm closer into his chest so he could aim his fingers for your squelching pussy, finger fucking the sensitive, aching hole. Your moans got progressively louder as Eren attached his mouth to you again, lapping at the wet flesh before sucking aggressively again.

"P-Pluhea-" You slurred out, "Dadd-mmm I'm gonna-"

Erens hand sped up at your words, causing your grip on his wrist to get tighter. You let out a scream of pleasure, throwing your head back again, back arching. Your thighs quivered uncontrollably, ready to collapse if it wasn't for Eren's hold. Your pussy felt warm, swirling with pleasure, making your head full and sleepy. You hadn't even noticed you had started to cry during your orgasm.

Hiccupping in and out breaths, the car behind yours honked.

Without giving you time to catch your breath, Eren pulled away to move the car.

Your heart palpitated in your chest, rocking against your ribcage with fury. Having no time to catch air, your legs continued to shake violently at the orgasm. You could barely even close them, your pussy begging for something more. With half-lidded eyes, you watched Eren glance back at you. His face was slick with wetness.

You came on his face.

His hair had fallen out of the bun he had when you were grasping at it like a wild animal, digging nails into his scalp. It fell beautifully around his neck, making your ears turn red. Yet he still only drove with one hand. He reached out his right hand, the one he used to finger you, coaxing you closer. Specifically, your lips.

"Suck them clean."

Obediently, you leaned forward and did so. You tantalizingly licked up his fingers a few times, before enveloping the two fingers from the top down. You sucked at his calloused flesh, your own slick salty to your taste buds. You held onto his wrist, purposefully hollowing your cheeks fully before pulling away with a pop.

"That's my good girl," He hummed out affectionately, using the same hand to caress your cheek. Drunk on your sex high, you fearlessly rubbed your cheek into his palm, not realizing the damage you had done.

You didn't realize in the moment that he'd expect more once you got home.

You didn't realize the cycle was repeating again.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Happy holidays!
> 
> And Happy Birthday Levi. We're watching you closely this season, old man.


	5. I Don't Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ It's time to realize there is no good character in this story.
> 
> "[Name]," The Professor Smith started, blue eyes piercing into yours. They read your past. They had seen your present. They had an inkling of your future. As he craned his head to the side, he gestured his hand out the window, where a world of people walked and lived and laughed. "What do you think the enemy is?"

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ Birds are such uncaged creatures, with wings of freedom that can sprout at any moment and let them fly free. It's easy to become envious of them, the way they can migrate as they please. When seasons change and are unfitting, they go south. When times are over, they come back home. A sweet cycle of bliss when observed by humans.

But humans ruin everything. Whatever they touch can wither and decay, become diseased or polluted. Humans like to put things in cages and observe that way, instead of a distance. So they'll take a free bird, lock it up, and refer to the new cell as 'home.' Of course there's birds that belong as pets, but what differs is a free bird being held against it's will.

It's funny, because birds like to observe us from afar. And they are content with that.

Like now, when they are outside of your bedroom window. Perched upon spindly branches of a tall tree that reaches up three floors, where they'll make cute stick and leaf nests that'll bother you as they chirp into the morning in their close homes. They chirp, and they chirp, happier than ever. The babies plead for the breakfast their mothers scrounged up, whilst the squirrels watch from inside of the tree. At a distance.

Sunlight blazed onto your face out of the open window, satin curtains pulled aside and tied into their respected ribbons. You don't remember how you got into bed, but you knew the feeling of your sheets. The smell of your detergent that stayed inked into your blankets and pillow cases, the sheer width of your bed. And also the emptiness. No weight was pressed into the other side of you, and no clattering noises came from the bathroom nor' kitchen.

Once again, you were all alone.

It didn't take you opening your eyes to realize that. But when did Eren take you home?

A hangover pounded into your scull, making you turn opposite from the window, trying to hide into the depths of your pillows and blanket. Your senses slowly came back in-to, the excess fuzz of your blanket too noticeable and the birds outside too loud for your sensitive ears. Carefully, you tried to sit up, letting your hair fall around you in a matted mess.

Yet you fell back into bed, a throbbing pain becoming noticeable in your legs, specifically between. A pained yelp came out of your scratchy throat, making you cringe down onto your elbows which shook under the sudden force of weight. You cracked open your gunky eyes, head still clouded with sleep.

Trying your hardest, you forced yourself up into a slow sit. You grabbed at your thick blanket and threw it aside, audibly gasping at the sight on and under you. Splotches of blood were dotted in some areas, and bigger circles in others. On your legs was scabbed blood, specifically after long nail marks that raked down you thighs but mostly on your calves. The marks stung painfully when being touched by the cool air in your room. The blood had also stained onto the underside of your blanket, it seemed. Though your body was frozen, your eyes followed a trail of blood that had fell over the side of the bed.

Trying your best to not move your aching body, you leaned over to peer over the edge of the bed. Following the trail, stains of blood were on your floorboards yet also the nearby rug, along with many tissues that were coated with it.

What happened?

Frantically, you tried to remember the events of last night, but nothing came to mind.

Flopping onto your other side, facing the window now with light blaring into your eyes, you wiggled over to your nightstand where you phone was placed idlily. It made your mind swirl, was it best to call Eren, though? As you reached for the device, you noticed something dark under your nails. You shakily inhaled at the realization it was blood caked under your nails.

Tugging the phone into your cradle, you were met with a call and two texts from Armin, one from Sasha, and another few from an unknown number. First you opened Sashas.

➥... Sorry I fell asleep! I didn't even realize. Call me when you can, I need to talk to you. I hope you at least had some fun.  
[3:00 AM]

It'd be best if you didn't reply now. You knew, deep down, Sasha would want to talk about the bruises on your body. Ignoring the mishap would have to do for a bit. Next, you opened the unknowns. It was rare for anyone new to text you. Though this was the most amount of texts you've had in a long time, excluding yesterday with Sasha.

➥... Hey [Name], it's Bertolt! I hope it's alright that Sasha gave me your number.  
➥... I just wanted to see if you got home alright. Also, we should meet up for coffee sometime!  
[5:00 AM]

You rolled onto your back, gazing at the text for a moment longer than you'd want. Finally deciding on a response, you gave a simple good morning and agreed to meet up soon. It was the guilty truth, you were a dry texter. Just as you had left the chat, you had gotten yet another text message from him. It made you falter, but you decided to reply to Armin before him again.

➥... You left with Eren, right?  
➥... Do you know what happened to him?  
[8:00]

You opened the picture that he had added along with his texts. It was obviously a sneakily-took photo, a bit blurry too due to the fact Armin probably almost got caught. At first you were unsure of what you were looking at until you zoomed in. It was Eren, in the kitchen of his new apartment that he shared with Mikasa and Armin. The three of them all moved in together, but between everyone, it was a way to keep an eye on Eren.

Mikasa stood next to him, in her hands an ice pack and some ointment. The two of them looked visibly irritated at each other, Mikasa's mouth open. You could only assume she was lecturing Eren about getting into a fight. But did that happen after he brought you home? What on Earth did he do later?

Zooming in closer, you finally noticed his face.

A deep, red scratch started at the top of his left cheek bone and trailed down to his chin. A smaller one followed to the left of it, but it wasn't as bad as the first. It was hard to see if there was any more due to his hair being down on the side of his face, as he only had one side tucked behind his ear. From what else you could see, his nose was also stuffed with tissues. As you analyzed the picture, you also noticed scratches on his upper arms.

You paused.

Scratches.

Peering down at your legs, it dawned on you that it must've happened at your home. Then you looked over the side of your bed, at the tissues.

Why can't you remember what happened? 

What happened?

Dropping your phone, you reached up into the thick of your hair, tugging onto the strands closest to your scalp. Fingers curling, you choked out a sob. Why couldn't you remember what happened? Did you do that to him? Disgusted, you pushed your phone aside as you tumbled off the side of the bed, trying to escape from the bloody hell. Hysterically, you crawled onto your knees, reaching out on the floor. Fingers grasped onto the tissues on the carpet whilst the other tried to rub away the blood on the floor.

As blood started to collect on your palms, your phone buzzed on top of the bed with horrible timing. 

Rising off the floor and onto your knees in shame, you grasped at the phone, thinking it was Armin who had noticed you read his text. Or maybe it was Sasha, being there to distract you. Perhaps even Bertolt, ready to question you about going out for coffee. But no, a familiar name yet one you haven't seen in a long time popped up.

A name that made you do a double take, making your bones rattle under your skin. 

Erwin Smith.

The ringing in the background daunted you to answer, especially in a time like this. It echoed in the emptiness of the apartment, hopping from one blank wall to another, back to your ears that just craved more silence. To your lungs that just wanted to breathe. Sniffing, you inhaled and exhaled slowly, calming your breathing. Any sort of odd movement, odd sound, and your former professor would know something was up. He knew everything about you, it was hard to even hide anything from him. Even though it has been half a year since you've seen him last, you knew he'd be able to tell. He was quite the analytical man, constantly going off of gambles.

The reason the two of you were once close, well...

It was a shameful one.

You never expected to be contacted by him again, just as you weren't planning on contacting him first either. Especially at a time like now. You assumed it was punishment for your actions.

Putting the phone to your ear, you answered.

"[Name] [Last Name]?" 

A familiar deep voice strummed on the other side of the line. In the background there was a familiar clicking of a desk-top that played classical music in his office, as well as the soft whooshes of wind that came through the window he would constantly keep open. You remember vaguely the times when you'd come in with a three-week late short-story due to your life troubles and writers block, the life problems being Eren, and Erwin would stick the stack out of the window. He'd ask if you wrote wholeheartedly, if it was a real peace or a plastic fake work that only has one side.

He never actually threw your work out of the window, though. Erwin Smith wasn't an asshole of a professor. 

Addressing the elephant in the room, your former Creative Writing Professor was Erwin Smith. The department in your college, though, wasn't exactly a big one. So he usually just spent his day focusing on his History classes and their homework. There was barely a time where you'd come into his campus office and be alone. He was a popular professor, both by staff and by students, even by ones who weren't in any of his classes. A lot of people had the inkling that he'd become the next headmaster.

"P-Professor Smith?" You questioned softly, slowly sitting yourself down on the bed.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it?" He mused, "I have not forgotten your betrayal."

His words made you laugh airily, looking up at the ceiling. If you stared at the bloody floor before you, you knew you'd crack at some point. "Don't call me dropping out a 'betrayal'," You said, "Was the lack of my work so painful?"

Smith gave a short chuckle at that, an image of him giving a cool smile and shaking his head vivid in your brain. "I'll admit, you have the potential to do good things," He stated, giving a beat of silence so his words purposefully sank into your skin and stung the air, "But I nonetheless respect your decision."

"...Did you contact me just to praise me?"

"No," He bellowed a soft sigh, "It's actually because a classmate of yours had emailed me to. Stating I should 'try and persuade' you to reenroll. Assuming you'd be up early like usual, I called. I didn't expect an answer though."

"Bertolt?" You asked, sort of amused. The boy must've gotten your number, and then proceeded to email the Professor sometime before you woke up, which is currently 10. It was a dedication and act of kindness you were unfamiliar with. "It'll take some persuasion, I-I... haven't written in ages."

"Yes, Hoover did," Professor Smith cooed, "So sweet of him. We haven't spoken in awhile, I decided it'd be nice to try."

"Is this your best effort?"

"I was hoping you'd accept my offer to come by my office," The sound of his leather chair being released of his weight as he stood up was audible in the background, "The off-campus one."

Your eyes lingered on the ceiling as you contemplated a response. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence between the two of you. There were many times where you'd visit his off-campus office in your free time as you had a spare key. You'd sit on one of the couches in the corner of the fancy office, located in a high rise, working away on your laptop with a mug on the table next to you. At times Erwin would already be inside, working on class plans, or he'd arrive after you did. The presence of silence was never uncomfortable. 

Even after the affair.

"At what time?"

"How does four sound?"

"I can't promise anything," You whispered uneasily, looking down at the stained carpet before you, "But I'll try."

"I won't hold you to it. Then I suppose I'll see you then, [Name]."

"You too."

"And [Name]?" He added on, just as you started to pull your phone away to end the call, "wear the dress I bought you."

"I... can't promise anything."

And so you ended the call.

Helplessly, you let your arm fall down to your side as you finally gazed at the mess that was your apartment. Bloody floors, a bloody bet set. Clothes thrown wildly around the room, you hadn't even noticed you were near-fully naked, just adorning your panties. Eren's jacket was thrown onto the small couch you had in the studio apartment, a few bloody tissues stacked on top of it. Sickly, you stood up, running a hand through your hair. Vomit brewed in your stomach, ready to overflow and cause you to hurl.

You'd have to clean up all of this, shower, and then drive if you wanted to get to the office on time to discuss your schooling.

Peering down at your phone one last time, you opened the text by Armin, staring at Eren's expressionless face.

You still don't remember.

Why don't you remember?

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ I apologize for not keeping up my daily update streak! I just needed to sleep after a long day and play some games. I have some fun things I'd like to talk about! Or at least, informative. I'd like to apologize for a short chapter today, too, you could look at it as filler. I promise the next one will be better.
> 
> I'd just like to say a quick thank you for the kudos and comments! I literally read them all and I am so thankful for the kudos. Also, I'd like to explain the timeline a bit. Your relationship with Eren was seven months long. Two months before the breakup, Carla Yeager died in December. Since early March, Eren and you have been broken up. I hope that clears things up!
> 
> If you'd like a better idea of how I see the characters, here are some songs I imagined to match them in this story. Some of the songs might not make sense since you haven't been properly introduced to their backstories, but it gives you an inkling for the character later! Remember, there is no good character.
> 
> \- Carla Yeager, 'Wren's Lullaby' by dandelion hands. That, or, 'I bet on Losing Dogs' by Mitski.  
> \- Eren Yeager, 'Class of 2013' by Mitski. That, or, 'How To Never Stop Being Sad' by dandelion hands.  
> \- Erwin Smith, 'The Piano Duet' by Danny Elfman. That, or, A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant to Be' by Jess Benko.  
> \- Sasha Blouse, 'Butterfly's Repose' by Zabawa. That, or, '6 Weeks' by Beach Bunny.  
> \- Bertolt Hoover, 'The Night We Met' by Lord Huron.  
> \- The Reader, 'Call It Fate, Call It Karma' by The Strokes. That, or, 'From Me, the Moon' by Lav. And finally, 'Happiness is a butterfly' by Lana Del Rey.
> 
> Pick your poison! And have a good day or night, guys.


	6. Wings of Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Your name is Eren Yeager. Today you woke up crying, and you don't know why.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ You may not remember that night, but Eren did.

Believe it or not, he grew quite the tolerance to drinking after consuming so much in such close periods of time. The night he visited Jean, Connie, and Marco's place, he barely drank at all anyways. What little he had that night was nothing in comparison to the month of his mothers death, which was just before those Christmas parties every frat-house was having. On the other hand, while at the troubling trios home, you had downed so much straight vodka that it was a miracle how late you were hit. Especially as you barely drank.

Once parking in one of the empty slots of the filled outdoor parking lot in front of the apartment complex you resided in, did Eren just notice how far-gone you were. 

Slurring easy things he at first thought were just mumbles, not being able to sit up straight. It came down to him having to pick you up and carry your lopsided form all the way up to the third floor. Much to his amusement, yet also thankfulness, you had left your front door unlocked. Most of the time you'd leave the front door unlocked just for him, in case he visited whilst you were busy. It was an unsafe act, but it brought him joy knowing how far he'd make you go to keep him around.

Eren bumped the front door closed with his lower-back before heaving you over to your bed. Groans of disdain slipped between your lips as you grabbed at the back of his shirt as he laid you down, refusing to let go of him. 

Your cold hands finally fell only to reach up for his face, holding at either cheek as you tried to clumsily lean up into a kiss.

"I love you..." Slipped past your lips as you struggled to fight against Eren's weight. With his hands against your upper stomach, he pushed you rising body back onto the bed. "Let me loveee you."

"You're drunk," Eren said stiffly. Your hands managed to slip away from his face and trail down his body, purposefully brushing the lines of his abs and trying to reach down to the top of his sweatpants. 

"'Want you..."

He paused, allowing you to lean back up this face. Softly, your nose brushed at his jawline, following the skin all the way up to his nose. Like fitting-puzzle pieces, your nose placed next to his caused butterflies to flutter in your stomach. The action felt buttery and intimate, the two of you equally exhaling as you made eye contact. Slutty eyes meeting hard eyes, daintily-manicured fingers escaped from trying to go under Eren's sweatpants and instead crawled up his gray t-shirt, sprawling out to feel against his hot skin. 

They brushed up and down his sides, before tugging at the material from the inside.

"Off."

The only noises in the apartment were the shuffling of clothes. At first, almost hesitantly, Eren's fingers ghosted at the bottom of his shirt. In the end, he still grabbed at the fabric and pulled it off from above. Whilst he did so, from your position on the bed, you struggled to pull off your slip dress. You had to lift your hips off the top of the bed so you could roll it above your ass, before pulling the straps aside so you could pull the dress off. 

Clothing was thrown left and right carelessly. Hastily, you had tugged off your thigh high socks, throwing them aside as well. 

Few breaths could leave your panting figure as the two of you vigorously kissed, you trying to pull Eren closer by grabbing at the back of his head. 

"Wait," Parted Eren, pulling away, causing you to whine.

"You're drunk."

It sort of came to a realization of his, though he had stated it earlier. Even when wasted you still trailed after him, trying to meld your body into his. With breath that was tainted with alcohol and a clouded mind. Stagnant pleas blurred out of your mouth, not even you sure of what you were saying. At that, Eren pulled away. Unlike you, he just had to retract a knee from the top of the bed to end up standing in front of you. Your back fell against the bed, chest rapidly rising upwards and downwards as your mind tried to register the situation.

Tears due to rejection flooded your eyes, unsure of what you did wrong.

"No..." You whined, struggling to sit back up on your elbows, "'Let- Lemme take care of you..."

He had always crossed the line to having sex the few times you were drunk.

Though Eren still was hard under his pants, he continued to reject your advances in observant silence.

"Pl-Pleasee," It was shameful how desperate you were. He knew if you were sober, you would never do this, at least, not before sex. The way you writhed to get some sort of friction, for some reason needing him so badly, to the point where his rejection made your eyes tear up made something not-so-pleasant stir in his stomach. An unfamiliar feeling.

"Let me take care of you," You slurred again, finally using your wobbly strength to sit up.

"Carla..." You said slowly, "Told me to take care of you."

So that was why.

"[Name]," Eren warned, hands planted at the edge of the bed, "Don't bring up my mom."

"Erenn," You said, now going into a full blown sob, "I failed herr... I dunno' anymore."

"I promised..."

"Shut the fuck up," Yelled Eren, hands reaching up and grasping at your thighs. At this, the movement suddenly alerted you, you tried to kick him away. Suddenly, you're once so desperate figure once again became cowardly when touched so aggressively. As his grip on you loosened as he pulled you down, instead his nails deeply raked down your legs, practically clawing into your calves. A pained shout escaped your throat, making you throw your head back.

Tugging at your ankles with sift movement, he easily pulled your body weight down to the edge of the bed. Your legs now hung over the side, stinging painfully as your nerves registered the sudden wounds. A choked gasp escaped your throat, hands frantically grabbing at the bed sheets as you tried to sit up.

"Why are you trying to run," He spat, grabbing at your wrists now, holding them above your head with one large, calloused hand. "Isn't this what you wanted?" He grunted, other hand reaching down between your legs, where you were once slick replaced with dryness. His fingers pulled aside the black fabric of your panties, rubbing at your folds without much care for your pleasure, before forcing one finger into your tight, unweaning form. Another pained cry left your lips, making his eyes light up.

"This is what you wanted, right?" He laughed smugly, a wild smile on his face, "Right, [Name]?"

Eren let go of your wrists to grab onto your face, pulling you into a ferocious one sided kiss, you could barely keep up with him. His finger continued to pump in and out of you, a slow wetness starting to form unwillingly. Even with you trying to close your thighs around his hand, he still fought against the fatty flesh, fucking you hard. Fingers curled relentlessly, palm rubbing against your clit with vigor.

Your free hands flew out in front of you, one pushed at his face, to force him away whilst the other grabbed at his upper right arm, trying to stop his arm from moving. As your hands started to curl in desperate fury, your long, once nicely manicured nails dug into his skin. As his face was in constant movement, he was easily scarred as the nails quickly and easily slid down his face. As for his arm, you were simply clawing at him, trying to force him into a painful halt. 

"What the fuck?" Gasped out Eren, pulling away, one hand slapping against his cheek whilst the other pulled out from under your folds. It automatically, as if scripted to do so during any accordance, whipped out and slapped at your face. Due to the force, you head was met against the side of the bed with an impact that stilled you. Pain sprouted in your upper neck, a whiplash of sorts guiding it's way into your head, persuading a headache to grow. 

In retaliation, you went to slap him back, but instead of hitting his cheek you had slammed the side of your hand against the side of his nose. Immediately did blood start to ooze out of his left nostril. 

After that, it was a blur of movement. Your body slowly curled into a drunken, naked ball in the bed whilst Eren took a b-line to the bathroom to inspect the severity of his face. It wasn't bad at first, just a red line dusted with more redness around it, but he knew it'd start bleeding soon which would make the stinging much worse. The same would be for your legs, and his arm. The soft sniffles and horribly hidden hiccups coming from you itched at the back of his brain and ears, making him unsure if he was irritate or irritated he couldn't do anything.

"I'm sorry..." You sobbed as he approached again. This time, all he did was throw the thick blanket over your trembling form. 

The truth is, Eren felt guilty as well. But he'd never admit it. He could now, when your off in your own world, probably never to remember him apologizing. But even now, he couldn't do it.

He set a ginger kiss onto your forehead, making those beautifully big, tearful eyes flutter closed to accept the passion. Or maybe it was because you didn't want to meet his eyes. Eren leaning down caused you to flinch, as well as when he suddenly pulled away, he had noticed. Once again, that uneasy feeling grew in his stomach.

"I'll be back," He stately stiffly.

Another faint, 'I'm sorry' fell from your lips.

At that, Eren left you alone in your bed, once again.

●●●●

Eren keeps his word when he says things. At least, most of the time.

When he promises something, he does mean it. There has never been a time that he has said he'd do something, and then proceed to not do it. Perhaps you could say the times he has said he'd be a better guy for you are times he breaks a promise, but when you look at actual present things he can do, he's always there. When you were sick, he'd say he'd come over, and he would. It's cute how frantic he'd get, unsure of what to do other than rub your stomach or back while urging you to take more meditation. Sometimes he'd even call Carla, back when she was alive, and ask her for advice for what to do.

There were also times when he left you alone to go for a party spree. He use to kiss you on your forehead, and promise he'd be back home before a certain time. And he would be. Every time he came back, you'd be in the same position on the bed, reading, sleeping, or on the phone. Waiting for him patiently.

This time, when he came back, you weren't where he last left you.

It had been hours, of course, but he was sure you'd still be asleep as per usual. Mikasa had urged him to stay home, or to at least be able to go with Eren to wherever he was going, but he replied by shutting the front door in her face. She didn't know it was the two of you that continuously kept injuring each other. All she had to her disposal was that after he got home and collapsed in bed, she woke him out of a crying slumber, rapidly questioning what happened to his face and why he was crying. It was for nothing, though, as Eren wasn't sure why he was crying either. He had quickly sat up out of groggy sleep, noticing that fat tears were in fact rolling down his cheeks. Perhaps if it wasn't for his feud with Mikasa, he would've caught you before you left for who knows where.

The front door was unlocked, though. He carefully shut the front door with his heel, walking past the half wall separating the kitchen and your bedroom, gazing at the cleanliness before him. He had left at around twelve or so. There was a lot of time between now and then for you to clean, it was surprising to him just how well you had. 

The laundry machine hidden in the small closet close to the kitchen buzzed and clunked loudly. The missing items on the bed were an obvious tell that you were washing the remnants of last night off of them. The rug on the floor was also rolled up, probably awaiting its turn in the machine.

He paused in the middle of the room, eyeing the trash can that was filled to the brim with wipes, tissues, and paper towels. Next to it was the laundry basket, and a familiar black sleeve hung out of the side.

In the background, the sound of water running finally caught his attention. The bathroom door was closed, light seeping out from under the white door. The soft humming of your voice and movements were obviously of your own. It seemed you hadn't left. So Eren decided to make himself comfortable, slumping down onto the couch that was against the far wall of the studio apartment. 

The surprise on your face when you opened the bathroom door was cute.

As if the night before didn't happen, they lit up as per usual, still wrapped around his finger. A towel was wrapped both around your hair and your figure, your hand tightly holding the top of the fuzzy towel on your chest so it didn't slip. Water still glistened on your forehead, he noticed, as you approached him. Whilst his eyes undeniably examined your body, stilling at the still adamant bruises on your neck and scratches on your legs, yours fearfully examined his face.

"Hi," You said breathlessly, now standing between his spread legs.

You forgot that once Eren left last night, he wouldn't have had any keys to lock your front door behind him. 

"I said I'd be back."

Your hands guided themselves to his face, pushing his hair aside so you could get a good look at the marks. A curious thumb ghosted just above them, feeling the slight rigidness where a scab would grow. His eyes inspected you, flickering between your own as he tried to read what was going inside that open-book of a head of yours. Soft fingers nimbly pushed his hair aside and swayed the strands that covered his face behind his ear, before trailing back against his jaw, cupping underneath his face.

"I..." You faltered as his arms found themselves snaking around your waist, "W-what happened...?" Deciding not to answer your question, before he constricted his muscular arms around your form, he pinched at the back of the towel and jerked it off, out of your grip. A soft yelp came from you as the cold air wafted over your fresh, out of the shower form. Nipples became perked when kissed by the chill, causing your face to flush furiously, as if Eren hadn't seen you naked a multitude of times.

Instead of attacking you with lustful goals, Eren simply pulled you closer between his legs as he hugged around your waist. He turned his head so he could press the side of his face against your stomach, nuzzling his skin against the new-found softness of your flesh. Without shame he heavily inhaled your scent, vanilla wafting into his nose. Your hand had left his face and found itself resting on his head, rubbing soothingly at his scalp, unquestioning his actions.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No," He exhaled, lying to you through snake-teeth, tugging you closer. Your legs collapsed under you as Eren guided you into his lap. An arm hooked under your legs whilst you rested halfway against his chest and other arm, which held you up from the side. He pulled the legs over his lap, pulling you in closer so he could inhale your scent again. A sigh-like giggle escaped your lips, making you turn away.

His free hand guided up and down your thigh which prickled under the movement. It grazed against the pudgy flesh, before trailing down to your calves. He thumbed at the scratches just as you did his face, exhaling into your neck which he found himself nuzzling into as well.

"You were drunk," He murmured, "You fell. I caught you on the stairs but fell too."

A surprised gasp left your lips, "No? That's so embarrassing."

The rumble of a giggle in your chest made a slight smile grow on his lips. You went to cover your mouth in shock, but he pulled at your wrist so he could pepper your lips with kisses that you gladly gave back. The actions of softness made your heart burst, a bit too giddy despite the fact he has hurt you so much before this. It was the times that reminded you of the past that made you still want him.

"Guess what?" You said between kisses. Eren hummed in response, pulling away so he could gaze those green eyes onto you. He loved staring at you, especially the way it'd make you flustered when he'd do it for long periods of time. Back when the two of you shared a bed for months, Eren would get up early for his own classes. They were just a bit before your own, so he'd take the time given to watch your blissful sleeping body. He'd inspect you, the way your lips were parted revealing a bit of your front teeth, the way your chest would rise and drop, how sometimes you'd twitch in your sleep or mumble incoherent things when having dreams. The time you whispered his was a thing he never informed you about. At the time it was a treasure.

Lovingly, you pushed the other front strands of his hair behind his ear, "I have a meeting with my old creative writing teacher. Someone tipped him off that I might still be interested in writing, so he's going to try and persuade me to try again."

"Erwin Smith?"

You nodded, "He's the tall blonde one that works with Ackerman and Zoe. Remember? I wrote a poem about us that he helped publish to the university's student work section."

"He looks at you weird, I don't like it."

Raising an eyebrow, you leaned a little closer, "I-I don't think so... also, you don't see me saying anything about those girls from Trost that look at you weird."

Eren scrunched his nose up in disgust, leaning back against the couch again. With that, you shifted so either of your legs were planted at the side of his. Using the position to your benefit, you pressed your unveiled chest against his to cover them up a tad. 

"I'll go with you."

"With me?"

"In case he tries something weird."

"He's my teacher, Eren. That's gross."

Eren leaned in close, lips ghosting over yours, "You like it gross, though."

A part of you wished to bring up the fact that you two were broken up, not needing to be possessive of one another. Whenever you caught sight of girls lusting for Eren, jealously couldn't help but brew in side of you, as well as a distinct sadness that'd make you cry yourself to sleep at night. Whenever Eren just thought about you being with another guy, simply interacting, he would get frustrated. Much like how he does with Bertolt.

You decided against bringing it up, though. The intimate moment the two of you were having, you in his arms and him actually talking to you was rare. It made your heart flutter.

"Just stay home," He suggested after pulling you into a deep kiss, hand pressing onto your lower back so you could arch yourself closer to him. His head was tilted to the side, lips slightly open as his hand lowered a bit. Meaning 'stay home, let's have some fun instead.'

He still referred to your apartment as home.

"I can't," You sighed, leaning against his chest so you could place your head on his shoulder, allowing your nose to brush against the length of his neck tantalizingly. He shifted his head so he could place his chin just atop your head.

"I'll drive you, then."

"Are you going to come with me, still?"

"I told you, that guy freaks me out."

"Okay."

A shuddered exhale left your body as you fluttered your eyelashes, closing your eyes as you took in the moment. How the fuck were you going to introduce Eren to Erwin, where Erwin knew everything about Eren, but Eren knew nothing of him. You also assumed Erwin only expected you to arrive at his office. What would he think when your ex trails in along behind you? The man so much of your work was inspired by? The man who you dropped out for.

Eren took the shudder as a good thing, his hand cupping at your ass before giving it a playful slap.

"Go get ready, I want to watch."

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂


	7. Recall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ➥ Seeing Erwin Smith is, and was, more nerve-wracking than you ever remembered. A once treasure of gold now was replaced with Pandora's box, filled with secrets and bad memories that'll haunt you for the rest of your days. Here you were, opening her unwillingly, recycling a past hobby you knew was too early to pursue again.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ It's three months into your relationship with Eren Yeager.

It was a happy relationship. 

Loving kisses would pepper your bare back, trailing down your spine to wake you up every morning. A soft smile grew on your lips as you continued to burrow your head into thick, cold-covered pillows. A chill raked up your torso, making goosebumps pebble their way down your arms and chest. The silk sheets against your chest had near-no feeling, almost unnoticed to your blissful brain. A large hand reached around your waist, tugging you closer into the others body.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted through your nose, waking up your groggy brain. 

An eager head nudged behind the shell of your ear, the tip of a nose brushing up at the skin before hiding into the mess of your morning hair. A kiss was placed on the top of your head, before the arm snaked around you recoiled away, only to end up as a palm on your lower back. It rubbed soothingly at the skin, as a morning-voice cooed for you to wake up.

The voice wasn't Eren Yeagers.

"Princess," He repeated, leaning his head against the pillow next to yours, trying to get a view of your face.

Gradually, you shifted your body before turning your head to look at the person at the other side of the bed. Your noses nearly touched each other as you did, making a gleeful smile pass you, showing pearly teeth. A beautifully chiseled face gazed back at you affectionately, blue eyes that pierced into ones soul now half-lidded and lax. A man fitted with thick brown-ish eyebrows along with short blonde hair that somehow still became messier than ever. 

You picked up a limp hand and brushed it through his hair, laying down short porcupine pieces that sprayed wildly. They still popped back up when you pulled your hand away.

"Professor," A sigh came from your lips as he picked up the same hand, pulling it to his lips so he could kiss the top, "Good morning."

"Don't call me Professor in the comfort of my own home," Erwin Smith hummed, "Save that for another time."

"I sort of like how it sounds," You teased, flopping onto your back as Erwin's broad form sat up out of bed. A muscular back faced you, nail marks visible down from his shoulders from last night. Carefully, you got up as well, but only to crawl over to him. You wrapped yourself around his chest, laying your head onto his nape. "Do you have to go?"

A rumble-of-a-laugh shook the both of you, the sound warm and smooth like honey. Everything about Erwin Smith was so perfect, so buttery. It amazed you as to how you were able to steal him out of so many willing females. The thought made your ego inflate, for sure.

"I have an eight am class," He said, easily pulling himself from your grip, "As well as a four hour lecture at twelve, which I am very excited for."

The way he drawled the last of his sentence made your eyes twinkle. The obvious sarcasm dripping off of him was so sexy to you, you couldn't help but still hold onto his wrist so he couldn't walk off without you. 

"[Name]," Erwin warned tiredly, standing between your legs. He was so much taller than you, even when you were sitting on a vaulted high bed that was adequate for his height. Both of his hands cupped your cheeks, squeezing the fat before he leaned down and placed a kiss onto your lips. You eagerly dug into him, but he pulled away before it could become anything more. Another sigh left you as you laid back down whilst he walked off to his walk-in closet.

Did you mention he was rich?

"You should get ready too," He called out, pausing at the entryway. He leaned a bulging arm against the frame, giving you a quick glance, "Your boyfriend should be visiting you soon, am I correct?"

And just like that, guilt pooled into the depths of your stomach and filled it to the brim. Nearly overpowering you, ready to overfill and cause you to vomit. Erwin seemed satisfied seeing your doe-like eyes, caught in a trance of instant regret, before he walked into the closet. He found joy in reminding you of the fact there was another man with a higher title than him. Though he would never tell Eren, nor' would he end the relationship between the two of you, Erwin couldn't help but be envious. Yet his ego, knowing you also chose himself, was through the roof anyways.

Maybe it was pride. Erwin wasn't this sort of man.

It was easy to remember how this all started, but he was unsure what exactly about you caught his attention

Perhaps it was determination about doing the best in your class. You'd constantly turn in grade A papers, help critique other students' works whilst accepting the critique made for yours without any grain of resentment, and if something didn't come up to a 90, you'd ask Erwin straight on what you had done wrong. It was the most determination he'd seen for a writing class.

Maybe that, or perhaps it was the way you'd wear that cute green plaid skirt that'd hug your thighs. Or the way you'd bite your stylus whilst taking notes or underlining points in an article. There were times where you'd sit in the far back, not exactly paying attention during busy days or long-lectures, your chin placed idly onto the crest of your palm whilst staring out the window. The golden light would pummel you, but nonetheless you'd still gaze outside airily. The dust around you making you look antique, still-in the moment. 

Just like that, whenever Erwin caught that sheer moment, he'd purse his lips and pause. He'd take just a second to gaze at you, and the silence would always snap you out of it, making you look back to the front. Straight into his own eyes.

Sheepishly you'd smile, before looking down at your notes as if you were listening. Seven times out of ten, there'd probably be nothing etched into your tablet.

What started it all, though, was the day the two of you were alone in his on-campus office. It was a rare occurrence that the small office wasn't packed, be it by people studying, or people waiting to ask a simple question. 

"You have me all to yourself," Erwin stated the obvious from behind his desk, as if to crack a joke, finally leaning back and gesturing his arm outwards toward the velvet chair in front of him. Nonetheless, he saw your lips quirk up at his words. Carefully, you slid onto the stiff cushion of the chair, setting your tote bag onto the floor next you.

"I took a gamble," You mused. Leaning down, you pulled out a stack of papers that were perfectly held together by a clip, as well as your tablet and some sticky notes. The movement caused your shirt to lower, just a tad, and unintentionally as well. Erwin's eyes peered up to the ceiling instead of observing your tits.

"I'll use you to the best of my abilities, then."

If you said such a thing to a professor like Ackerman, the reaction wouldn't be as lax. But it made Erwin chuckle.

"I'd be honored to be of use."

Casual touches and longing stares became longer over time, and that next week, you left the office with messy hair. 

The day after that, you spent the night at a friends house, from Eren's knowledge. But instead, you were rolling around on a too-large bed in an equally too-large home for one person, Erwin's fingers dancing on your sides and stomach making you laugh-scream in glee, writhing under his gasp. The two of you would fuck in the shower, on the bed, on the couch till the next morning.

You didn't visit his home after that, though. Or his office for different reasons other than schooling. Something had happened, blossoming your relationship with Eren more than before, causing you to be only enamored by him. It was amazing how quickly the coin flipped. Erwin dropped it as well, though, but of course his heart twanged at how you didn't look at him anymore.

'Please, look at me like that again.'

When Eren cheated on you the day after his mom died, you went back to Erwin for another night.

●●●●

"I think it's weird."

"What is?" You asked curiously, looking up from your nails over to Eren who sat in the drivers side. A finger tapped on the top of the wheel as the vehicle was stopped at a red light. Since leaving the apartment, he had taken the highway down to downtown, where the off-campus office was. Slowly traffic had started to build up, as well as the amount of high-rises. 

"How bad you got fucked up," Eren stated, "Last night, I mean. It just hit you all at once."

"I mean, I did down a lot..." 

"No," Eren said, unable to find the right words, "Like a roofie or something."

A laugh couldn't help but slip past your lips, before you could even catch it. Eren made a disgusted face at the reaction, rolling his eyes. "I'm being serious."

"The only people who touched what I drank, other than you, was Sasha and Bertolt, I literally saw Sasha make my drinks."

The car lurched as the light switched to green, Eren releasing the break and pressing the gas. He gave you a knowing look before focusing his eyes back onto the road. One hand on the wheel, the other leaned behind your headrest. 

"He wouldn't do that."

"I didn't say he did."

It was your turn to roll your eyes, slumping back into the sticky leather seats of his Jeep. The air had turned stiff as the two of you sat in silence. 

The farther the two of you deviled downtown, the more lively the surrounding scenery became. Though gray nonetheless, more people roamed the streets. Voices could be heard echoing from the sidewalks, swiveling through the frame of the car and into your own ears. Such happy interactions made your ears itch in curiosity, envy pooling in your stomach as you wondered how nice a day-out in the town would be right now.

Genuinely speaking, you haven’t left your home for something other than work and occasional grocery shopping in a long time. Cosmetic and clothing shopping had turned to only online shopping, which had become rare as well. For some reason, instead of treating yourself during a breakup, you did the exact opposite. 

You leaned your temple against the window, the faint breeze from the tiny, rolled down crack cooling your overheating brain.

Of course you knew this wouldn’t be an easy feat.

Brushing your hair off your shoulder, you sent a look over your shoulder to observe Eren. His hair was down today, beautifully long and silk-looking, just as nice as it felt. A murky green t-shirt fit his muscular body, tight around his arms but loose at his chest and below. Black sweatpants that were much like the one he wore yesterday well-fitting for his legs.

His face was lax. It wasn’t purposefully monotone like he’d usually present himself nowadays, like an emotionless man who’s inward thoughts were a mystery. He simply looked relaxed, not a single twinge in his brows. 

The sharpness of his jawline looked appetizing now.

Eren must’ve felt your intense stare, taking his own quick peek to the side to look at you.

“What?” 

“You look pretty today.”

A scoff, like he was unsure if he should accept or reject such a compliment, immediately coughed out of him. He rolled those green eyes back over to you, looking down at your outfit.

“You look pretty,” He countered.

After digging in the mess of your closet for longer than you wished, sweat moist under your arms and down your neck just after you showered due to so much activity, you had found at the bottom of a box a dress you were gifted long ago. A gift from Erwin Smith. Much to his request, you decided to put it on, for old times sake. There wasn’t a reason you should’ve worn it, you could’ve easily refused. If anything, you were starting to regret the decision to wear it like he asked. 

One reason to regret it was the fact you were wearing a dress bought for you by your former fling. It was a dress of the past, with a story that one wouldn’t want to be proud of. Yet here you were, wearing it willingly to see the same man again, but for different reasons. It felt a bit messy to you. Another reason you regretted it, though, was the fabric. Don’t get you wrong, it was a gorgeous dress that you could wear out as you pleased, but it was more of a knitted dress. A soft, coffee brown color that reached from the middle of your thighs all the way up your neck, fitted with a turtleneck your abused body was thankful for. Yet it was so painfully hot outside, combined with the knitted fabric, you felt like you were in an oven.

There were also the matching thigh-high socks, made of the same knitted material with an intricate flower-like design patterning itself on the sides. A cute white lace was at the top, itching at your skin. The only reason you wore the accessories was to hide the rest of your marks.

Heat dusted itself onto your upper cheek bones and the tips of your hidden ears. A bashful, little laugh and smile came from you, unsure of how to respond to such a direct complement. Eren did have his times where he’d shower you with compliments, or be smooth with his own, but a lot of the times they were so forward and direct that you never knew how to respond other than stutter a meek ‘thank you,’ just as you did now.

It seemed to please him, as he cracked his own grin at the mousily response. He retracted his hand from behind your head rest and reached for your face, squeezing at your cheeks.

“Don’t make that face, it gets me turned on.”

He continued to pinch at your cheeks until they were red, before releasing the puffy flesh from his grasp. You hadn’t noticed, but he had found himself a parking lot in one of the buildings while you were deep in thought. With the car parked, Eren leaned over his arm rest and the gear stick, setting a plush kiss onto your cheeks before one encapsulating your lips.

Two fingers pressed onto your chin to hold you into place as he deepened the kiss. They turned your head upwards so he could get a good angle from the side. His breath tasted of fresh spearmint gum whilst yours was of dark coffee grounds. The mix was horrible but you still found yourself turning your head for him, letting yourself get pushed backward to keep up with his devouring lust.

He bit down, gently at first, at your bottom lip. He cracked open his eyes to see your reaction, before biting harder. A sharp gasp from you came in response, eyes fluttering open just to wildly stare back into his. 

With that, Eren pulled away. With the hand that held your chin, he swiped a thumb over the bottom lip, a bit of red tainting the tan pad of flesh. With eye contact still, he stuck the digit into his own mouth, sucking on it before pulling it out with a satisfying pop. A web of saliva connected from his mouth to the thumb, only to be wiped away after.

“Let’s go now, yeah?”

The taste of iron danced in the back of your throat, tickling your uvula whenever you swallowed your saliva after that. It made butterflies flutter in your chest, heart thumping in reaction. 

●●●●

It was an odd first-impression for Eren, yet also first-impression after a long time for you as well. 

The office door had been unlocked. The receptionist let the two of you through easily, with the check of your ID as well as Erwin's correct caller-ID. There was no telling if she had notified Erwin that guests were coming, but he had seemed to prepare for some anyways. Though the blinds on the high windows were turned, the blazing sun sending beams of gold through the freshly washed glass, there were multiple lit candles littered around the room. On the desk, on some stacks of books, on the coffee table. None of them had a significant scent, but Eren nonetheless gave you a telling look. Thick, sculpted brows raised themselves, giving the pregnant-empty modern office a sweep with his eyes.

"Some professor," Eren mocked.

"I wasn't expecting two of you," A new, playful yet soothingly deep voice chided just from behind, along with the click of the door shutting, "I apologize for the wait."

Your breath momentarily got caught in your throat, bubbling before popping as you realize your gaze was wide, wistful in thought. Icy blue eyes smiled wildly, twinkling with mischief, though the sides of his lips were not. They were pin straight, in fact, unsure of what to make of the extra character in the room. An unexpected guest to what he thought would be a personal moment. A laptop was clenched in his lowered arm, muscular against the dark, stretchy cloth of his black turtleneck. Ringed knuckles brushed against just as muscular thighs that were fitted by plaid gray slacks.

What could you say, you had a type.

Dress shoes clacked against the floorboards, pausing in front of Eren. They shined, freshly cleaned and polished, like if you rubbed them together they'd squeak. He reached out a ample hand, cocking his head to the side. His usual side swept, blonde hair unmoving at the action. Eren reluctantly took the hand into his own, a firm shake being shared between the both of them.

Pearly whites finally flashed as Erwin registered whose calloused hand he was holding. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you," He stated, "I'm Professor Erwin Smith. I'm glad you could accompany [Name] today, perhaps you could help persuade her into continuing her talent."

"Eren Yeager."

"So you're the one 'Wings of Freedom' was about?" Erwin had let go off his hand, trailing away to behind his desk, where he lowered himself to a heave. Broad shoulders protruded themselves out of the backrests hold, flexing as he shuffled papers on his workspace into a straight stack. As he opened the laptop he had brought along with him, Eren finally took a seat too, located in front of the metallic, half glass desk. Making himself comfortable, he leaned back all the way, though his shoulders were straight as well, not at a usual casual slump.

"I believe so."

At that, conversation quickly slipped into more casual small talk, yet professional nonetheless. To start things off the two of you discussed casual topics to guide into the main meal, such as 'have you been writing recently?' and or, 'have you been reading recently?'. Perhaps your favorite was when he asked you about what specific recent books you were indulging in, and what was your current favorite. After spilling so much excitement when talking about a particular mystery novel, the discussion of how the re enrollment process would go was brought up. The topics flooding through Eren's head pooled out of one ear as more ate into the other, like a termite infestation. The situation could be compared to a boyfriend waiting on the couches against the wall during a nail appointment, where he stared off into space like now, inspecting the intricate designs of the high vented ceiling. Carefully carved wood, multiple squares next to each other of the same design. In the middle of them all, a shield, along with wings.

"An interesting crest, isn't it?"

Eren hummed in response, letting his head fall back down.

His fingers reached off his own arm rest, grazing up the skin of your wrist before sliding back to the heat of your hand. Your fingers involuntarily intertwined, but you couldn't help but twitch in a comforting squeeze. Erwin's eyes fluttered down to the act of affection, before back at you, unfazed. 

"I will not lie to you, getting back into the class with such determination compared to your former will be tough," He sighed, "Reading can only do so much. It can give you imagination, but can only take you far in giving you the capabilities to do so the same. I expect you to be rusty, but if you cannot defeat a writer's block, there's no point in re enrolling."

"I thought you were supposed to persuade her," Eren jumped in, speaking for you. 

You sank into your seat a bit more.

"There's no point in lying," Erwin pointed out as he handed you the stack of papers. They were all freshly printed transcripts of your grades as well as a few of your old works that gave you a flash of comforting nostalgia, for when you were comfortably busy. "Of course, it'd be a precious talent wasted. I do encourage you to re enroll for the next semester, I have multiple free seats as it isn't high in demand, but I can't help but tell you the truth."

"She'll do it."

Erwin took the papers back from your hand, quirking an eyebrow.

"I was asking [Name], the student in question. If that wasn't clear."

Competitively, Eren let go of your hand. He leaned forward in his chair, pressing the point of his elbows into the stiff of his mid thighs. 

"It was clear, Professor," He daunted, "She will do it."

Though he didn't move his head an inch, you knew his eyes had shifted to the side, watching you in his peripherals. You squirmed under the pressure, staring down at your knees which bobbed as you rocked your heels. It was like your throat became dry, making you even more unable to speak for yourself.

"You're letting him speak for you, [Name]?"

The question was humiliating. Horror crawled at your neck and eyes, the parts of your body caught on fire as the scrutinizing gaze of Erwin Smiths' stabbed into you. You could feel it without looking up, which you refused to do. The [Name] before him wasn't the strong-willed one he knew before, that would boss Erwin around and never let him do a single act of service for her. This new girl was a simple shell of herself, a rocking walnut. What was once piked is now obtuse and imperceptive. 

"You're making her nervous," Eren stated.

"Are you sure it's not you?"

"I-" You hesitated, "I'll do it."

You repeated yourself again, unsure if you believed your words.

Regret instantly seeped into your stomach as you wondered what horrid pieces would be to come, if even anything would come. You already knew that you could never meet up with your former self, especially not now. Not with the amount of shit storming in your head, which would only pollute what creative writing you'd grow. The garden of your home mowed. Perhaps it was because you were under pressure that you accepted, but deep down you knew you weren't ready for this. Not for this change. 

"Huh," Erwin hummed, putting his pen down, "I suppose I'll email you the other details then. This was easier than I expected."

With that, Erwin gave another award winning smile to Eren.

"All thanks to you, no?"

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Thank you so much for all the support on Human Band-Aid, if I'm being honest with you I lowkey thought no one would get into this because Eren is a toxic piece-of-shit. But I'm glad people got into the story-line! 
> 
> So I'd like to address something. I got a comment about it and I realize I'd like to clear it up a bit! When I say 'There are no good characters,' it is because genuinely all of them have faults that you'll see come up. Yes, even Bertolt and Sasha.
> 
> But back to the point, in no way shape or form are you, the Reader, on Eren's level. Even though we are not very far in the story, we can clearly see Eren is extremely toxic and unhealthy to be with. I'd like to add, if you are feeling as though 'I feel bad for Eren,' defending Eren and thinking you are also a tad at fault... you are actually feeling what I imagine the reader in-story is feeling. The manipulation coming from a toxic relationship has molded in-story reader to believe they are just as at fault as Eren, or maybe more, even though they aren't.
> 
> So don't feel very bad for thinking so, as you are simply in character, but you should know deep-down that that isn't the truth! Anyways, have a Happy New Year. Don't do anything reckless, I'll pull out the slipper.


	8. My Good Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ It doesn't matter who, when, or where. It's the fact that it's now.
> 
> You also remember what happened last night. Yet the thoughts get drowned out quickly, since you were... busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut warning. It's genuinely only possessive smut for today. I guess Erwin looking at you gets Eren's rocks off.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ "Get in the backseat."

"Sure, why?"

The parking lot wasn't busy at all during the evening. Cars barely passed through the concrete margin between parking spaces, which a few to many were empty, creating large gaps between what vehicles were lined inside. The both of your footsteps echoed throughout the sizable, spacious gray building. A faint honk on the upper floor from a car being locked could be heard, just like how your question reverberated, the murmur clear as day. Instead of swerving to the other side of his car, Eren followed behind you, the pressure of his chest against your back noticeable when you pulled on the handle of your door.

Two fingers pinched at the bottom of your dress, tugging on it, before letting the tight fabric snap back against the shape of your ass. He used the movement as a way to nudge you into the car, opening the door further with his own grasp at the top of the door. He hunched his back so his lips ghosted against the back of your ear.

"I'm going to fuck the shit out of you, okay?"

His words had you clambering into the car once the door was open enough, ducking under his protective arm. Midway in you turned around, watching Eren pull the door shut behind him with one knee bent onto the seats while the other only slightly at the floor of the car, before hungrily pouncing onto you. Heat instantly dropped from your chest and pooled into your stomach, as well as in-between your legs. A familiar throbbing feeling growing and aching for touch at the sight of him.

At first fervent, scorching kisses peppered onto your jaw, as they were unable to find themselves onto your collarbones and shoulders due to the turtleneck dress. Forceful hands kneaded at the plump fat of your thighs, sprawled finger tips extending under the bottom of your dress beyond covered territory. Taking the initiative, one hand continued to crawl up your right leg, stretching the fabric as he reached for your hips. Fingers deepen into the back of them, making your lips fall into a soundless moan.

Deciding it was an invitation, Eren's lips encapsulated yours into a vehement kiss, tongue entering your mouth by surprise. One of your arms threw themselves around his neck, your free hand reached up into the depths of his hair.

"E-Eren," You panted as you caught your breath, "W-what if, mm.. what if someone comes?"

One of his knees dug past the stretching fabric, pressing itself against your pussy. Your hips lifted to get a better angle, rocking against him to try and get more friction.

"I don't care right now," He heaved, pulling his hand out of the dress, "Strip, it's pissing me off."

Hastily, you reached down to bunch up the fabric with shaky wrists, then tugged it upwards. Continuing to roll new bunches of fabric into your hands until you had pulled the dress over your head, Eren had already swung his own shirt off, throwing it to the front of the car, where it laid discarded on the gear shift. Your hair was a mess when being tugged through the hole, Eren helping you by ripping the dress out of your tangled arms. An audible snapping noise was heard, like some of the stretchy fabric was stretched a bit too far.

The gifted dress was thrown aside like trash.

Immediately, Eren swooped down again, burying his face into your neck whilst he had better access. He sucked at the sensitive skin, nipping gently at every spot his mouth satisfyingly popped off of. You winced as he did so over former fading bruises, which only made him bite harder in response. A shameful cry left you, arms going around his neck instantly. 

"'Would've fucked you in the bathroom," Eren groaned, "He kept looking at your dress."

"Should've just fucked you in front of him."

The possessiveness sent euphoria between your legs, wetness apparent through your panties. His hand dipped down to your heat, only to let out a breathy laugh as he rubbed the wetness through the fabric. You squirmed at the sudden touch of his unusually cold hand, which made you gasp faintly. Adamant self-admiration beamed on his face when noticing how wet you were.

"Lift your hips."

You did as you were told. He took the chance to fully tug down the undergarment, throwing the now balled-up slim fabric behind him. The sudden bare feeling made you close your legs instinctively, trying to cover your visible pussy. Eren tched, grabbing at the fold under your knee, tugging it to his side so your legs were spread. Uncomfortably, at the slide, your head which before was set up against the car-door now hit the end of the seat, the top of your head thumping against the door. Your other leg was pinned between his left leg and the backseat, yet bent nonetheless.

Two fingers first grazed your folds, flicking your sensitive clit, teasing your writhing body. You continued to rock yourself, this time trying to get him to touch you with his fingers.

Eren pressed one hand onto your left hip bone to keep you from trying to get more friction. A dejected moan returned the rejection, but movement didn't stop you from arching your back a bit when he finally dipped a teasing finger into your pussy. Your walls constricted around him, sucking him in. With that he started to flex his wrist into a continuous rhythm that slowly started to get faster, a familiar squelching coming from your wetness. He curled the finger upward, hitting that special, spongy spot.

You arched again, throwing your head back, only to hit the door again. Your eyes rolled back for a moment, shaking at the aggressive touches. The whole of your body wished to be enveloped by his, where you could dig your nails into the scarred skin of his back while you two ferociously kissed as he pounded you, but you didn't want to move. 

As he added another finger, instantly curling it to play with the bundle of your nerves that made you tremble, your mind horribly remembered what happened the day before. It was you staring down at his hand, palm cupping your sex while his fingers thrusted in and out of you, that made you remember how he forced them in not even a day ago.

"W-wait," You croaked out, reaching your once curled arm down so your hand could grasp around his wrist, "W-"

Eren lifted the hand that once took place on your hip, making you flinch before the impact even happened. A familiar stinging blossomed in your cheek before you could register the slap, but a helpless moan of pleasure came from you instead of one in pain. His own hand stung, not realizing he hit you harder than he planned on. Your head had flipped to the side, red already growing on the cheek facing him. 

He grasped onto your chin, forcing you to look at him through already-blurry eyes.

Even with your hand straining around him, he continued to pick up the pace, slowly becoming rougher with his movements. 

"No-" You gasped out, "No, I'm- I'll-"

With that, he pulled both fingers out with a pop, just before you could get your blissful pleasure. Your hips tried to follow him, but they could only raise so far. A painful emptiness filled your insides, missing the thick of his fingers. A line of slick followed as he raised his hand, before breaking off. A glistening shine shone around the two digits, and when he spread them, the wetness stretched. With eyes connecting to yours, you knew what he wanted. Lowering the hand down to your face, he quirked an eyebrow.

"Suck them clean."

He hunched over a bit to get closer, to watch the show.

Obediently, you flexed your tongue out of your mouth and lapped up the saltiness from his lower knuckle. Dragging your tongue upwards, you enveloped the two fingers with your mouth, before forcing them farther into your mouth in a gradual pace. You sucked from the top, his fingers nearly tickling the back of your throat when you reached the bottom of them. A suckling noise was muffled by your pursed lips. You went to open your mouth so he could pull his fingers out, but instead he tried to force himself farther. The pads of his fingers exploring the back of your mouth, making your eyes sting.

He pressed at the back of the muscle, making you gag involuntarily. Your body lurched upwards a bit, much to Eren's satisfaction.

With another threatening gag, the fingers finally exited between your lips, saliva following behind.

"Good girl," He exhaled, "My good princess."

The praise had your stomach doing flips, but the memory from your drunken episode still ate at the back of your heart. 

Whilst you were catching your breath, chest rising and falling helplessly, Eren reached down for the waistband of his sweats. He pulled the elastic band down, revealing his black boxer-briefs that had a white waistband, beautifully in contrast to his tan skin. A scandalously defined v-line lead your eyes downward to his hard cock. It throbbed against the fabric, waiting to be released. Eren thumbed at the white band at first, eyeing your near-fully naked form with hungry eyes. When you saw his other hand snake to your side, you knew to lift your back so he could meticulously unclasp your bra. 

You slipped out of the straps before dropping it to the floor of the car. Your tits fell out of them, nipples already perky in arousal. Eren slapped at the mounds, letting them jiggle at impact. It made you bite your bottom lip, holding back a soft moan. The hand slid down the curvature of your side, pausing at your waist while he tugged his own underwear down. His dick slapped up against his stomach, precum already visibly oozing from the tip.

It was safe to state that Eren was immensely gifted.

The first time you two had sex, you had asked him if it would fit, as you were afraid of being injured. It did wonders for his ego.

He stroked his length before lining himself up at your entrance, circling the hole with his tip, putting more pressure onto the hand that snaked back down to your hip to hold you down.

"I don't have a condom."

You let out a pained whine, still trying to sink yourself onto him, "I don't care, put it in pleasee."

Continuing to provoke you, he raked the tip up and between your folds, letting the underside rub against your swollen, sensitive clit. The length of his dick fell atop of your stomach, balls brushing against your pussy as he looked at his length in comparison to your trembling body. Your hands were curled up on top of your chest, above your boobs as you stared down at him. 

It felt like ages as he slid his cock back down in between your heat, slapping his dick on your folds, tip feverishly rubbing against your clit. The noise was embarrassingly, yet so eroticly wet. Another cry left you, and as your mouth was open, he took the chance to prod his dick into your entrance. The tip was covered by your natural lubricant, easily slipping inside. Your jaw instantly unhinged as he bottomed into you, making you arch your back completely, the hold Eren had on your hip not as strong as before. You near spazzed at the feeling, the walls of your interior tight and holding him in place. The vice-like grip made a shuddered groan rumble in Eren's throat.

A hand of yours reached above your head, trying to find something, anything to grab onto. Almost slipping, it caught onto the silicone sill surrounding the window. The other grasped at a tit, groping the warm mound. Daringly, due to the lack of movement due to adjustment, you bucked your hips against Eren's, trying to ease off the length so you could fall back down, forcing him farther. 

"Nng, Stop," He gasped, finally putting leverage onto your hip again, holding you into place, "Greedy bitch."

The words should've stung, but they only made you more aroused. 

Agonizingly slow, Eren rocked his hips rhythmically a few times, giving short strokes to your insides which flexed around him euphorically. Using your arched back as leverage, Eren guided one of your legs back up to his side, so you could hook them upwards and a bit around him. It gave yourself a bit of a permanent arch, yet also a better angle for him.

With that, he fully unsheathed his length out of you, all except for the tip which twitched in the newfound emptiness, where your pussy still sucked onto him. With a terrifying squelch, he thrusted forward, bottoming into you again. The movement was new, aggressive, making your tits bounce and make you moan out in ecstasy. Liking your reaction, he continued, quickening his pace. Cracking your eyes open again, you watched as he shifted the palm assaulting your hip, onto your lower stomach where he spread out his fingers. He slowed a brutal thrust, watching as a noticeable bulge moved just near his hand.

"That's me in there."

Instantly, blush blared on your face.

His assailant of quick, heavy thrusts continued after that, your eyes glued on your lower stomach. In the background, the faint sight of Eren assaulting your pussy could be seen. The slapping of his balls against the wetness continuously pooling on you was nearly covered by the moans escaping your mouth, some drawled out, others high pitch cries, some low quick moans. A veined hand collapsed itself around your neck, making a wheeze for a last breath come out of your trembling body. Instantly, one of your own hands reached down to grapple around his wrist.

Pausing the rhythm, much to your distress, he leaned down, peppering hot kisses up the valley of your breasts before licking at a perked nipple, making you squirm. Eren pressed his thumb against a vein popping on your throat due to his tight, unsafe grip whilst he forced another sloppy kiss onto your wet lips.

You moaned into the kiss, releasing your grip on the window and letting the hand flex into his messy hair, tugging on the strands instantly, urging him to continue his pace.

An arm fully snaked around your waist before suddenly yanking you up and forward, so you were only help up by Eren, bottom of your thighs just slightly touching his. The new-found position made you let out a strangled moan, from above he hit you perfectly. Instantly, you started to bounce whilst he let go of your neck, other hand falling to your ass.

He slapped at the fat, then dug his fingers into the skin to help hold you up. As you slid up and down his veiny cock, he continued to snap his hips into yours, syncing with your movements.

Now both of your arms wrapped around his neck, not only for better leverage, but so you could be closer. Your tits still jumped along with you in what comfortable space they had. A bubbling grew in your lower stomach, an itching feeling convulsing between your legs as you nearly reached your high. You threw your head back in ecstasy while Eren's hips started to move in an unorganized frenzy with yours. Rapidly pounding up into you, trying to get the most before he came. He burred his face into your neck, biting the tense flesh viciously, unable to keep up with his assailant of bruises due to your quick movements.

"Inside," You begged, "Please, inside, cum inside me."

Finally, your high hit viciously. Unable to cover your mouth in time, a horrifyingly loud moan slipped out. It was loud, concerning like a scream. Your eyes rolled back as your legs convulsed, twitching and trembling violently in Eren's fumbling grip, struggling to hold up your spurring form. You didn't care that your head kept bumping into the roof of the car, all you saw was white. Your pussy clenched around his fat cock, making him seeth through clenched teeth.

His hips jittered in a painful assault to your sensitive form, finally holding you down on his dick in a death-like grip as he finished. His load shot into you without a warning, Eren letting out a low moan, painting your walls and kissing your cervix. Warmth seeped down immediately. 

Like that, as the two of you were catching your breaths, you slid out of Eren's hold. Your back hit the sticky leather of the seats, sweat coating the both of you. Finally pulling himself out of your now-empty hole, white cum spurted out, leaking down betwixt your legs and dripping onto the expensive seats. He watched for a second, mesmerized by your abused pussy, before wiping what fell onto the seats with his finger. 

He stuck the fingers into his mouth, sucking the digit.

"Eren..." A tired gasp came from you, a hand outstretching for him.

With a pop, he fully leaned down, letting you wrap your arms around his lower back, whilst your breasts pressed against his chest. A sweaty, glistening forehead pressed onto yours, the two of you sharing a feverish gaze and hot breaths. A smile cracked on his face when he looked at your lips. 

"My good girl," He purred, pulling you into a short-lived kiss, before trailing them all the way to your ear. You shuddered, the feeling making goosebumps rise up your body.

"Mine only."

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Inspired by Streets by Doja Cat playing full blast in my car, I ain't finna lie.


	9. Broken Antiques

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ When will you learn? 
> 
> Standing up for yourself doesn’t feel like it anymore.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ The last thing gifted to you with the touch of Carla Yeager was swirling in your washing machine.

Guilt gnawed into the depth of your stomach as you sat in front of it, knees pulled deep into your chest, eyes watching the white blanket be thrown around wildly. What remnants she had left on the since untouched gift were being washed away due to your selfishness. That soft, homey smell of hers one could never quite put a pin on would be replaced by the smell of fresh laundry, never to be had again. Those frays of fabric she purposefully never cut, what her hands once held tightly, being cleansed and tugged apart.

It felt so wrong, so very wrong. 

"You can keep it," Eren called from the bed earlier, when you had unwrapped it from yourself and gasped at the disgusting 'stain' left onto it. 

"I can't, that wouldn't be right. I'll just scrub it and give it back, I'm so sorry-"

"I don't want it anymore."

With that, he turned to his side so his broad back faced you, halfway covered by the freshly washed blanket from this morning. Even with bleach, a few dark spots were noticeable from last nights fight. Nonetheless, you still stood there, shocked.

After the heated fiasco that took place in the backseats of his car, and the passionate touches shared afterwards, the two of you were bound to get dressed if you planned on leaving without becoming felons. Which wasn’t exactly appealing. Whilst Eren easily slipped his underwear back up his thighs as well as his casual sweatpants, you were left with a ripped dress. You hadn’t even noticed when you went to pick it up after slipping on your bra, but as you stretched it over your head to pull it on, a noticeable looseness was felt in the once tight material. A long gash from a bit below the top of the turtleneck to your lower chest made you audibly gasp.

“What?” Eren hummed, leaning a chin onto your shoulder, “I’ll just buy you a new one.”

He said the same thing about your damp panties that you refused to put on due to the fact they landed on the floor of his car, which who knows how long ago he cleaned.

“Do you have a jacket I could wear over, maybe?”

“You don’t want your tits to hang out?”

You gave him a face. 

Eren rolled his eyes, rubbing a hand up his face and into the thick of his hair in thought. With the movement of his eyes, he surveyed what objects he had in his mostly empty car, before leaning behind the backseat. From behind the seats, he withdrew a perfectly folded blanket that now was pinched between his fingers.

“I don’t have anything to clean you up with, either,” He stated, handing the sacred thing towards you. Gingerly, you took it from him, staring down at the off-white thick fabric. 

“You want me-“ You nearly whispered, “-To wipe myself with your moms blanket, and cover myself with it.”

“She’d probably want you to,” He hesitated for a moment after saying so, rephrasing his choice of words, “The cover yourself part. I personally don’t mind, though.”

“Eren…”

“I said it’s no worries. You’re getting my seats dirty.”

He meant the cum that had leaked out of you.

The machine before you had came to a slow halt, bringing you back from the memory. After slumping a few times more, the circular door with a clear window in the middle popped the lock, allowing you to transfer it to the dryer with the least amount of touching as you could. It squished in your grasp, sending shivers down your spine. Almost cruelly, it was thrown into the back of the dryer along with a few sheets, before being shut behind the door without a second glance. It was like a game of hot potato.

A cute strawberry with a little drawn face was swooped into your grasp, little lines and digits by the tens lining the top. It was a cute timer you were gifted by Armin a long time ago, before you met Eren. Giving it a few good screws, you set it down on the buzzing machine. Until it'd ring for you to swoop the blanket out of the dryer, you decided to crawl onto your bed next to Eren's napping form.

He lay on his side, blanket pulled just a bit more than halfway up his body, below his bare pectorals. Long brown hair that was in need of a trim splayed all over the pillow he lay on as well as his face, tickling his eyelashes and nostrils, but somehow was still asleep. Eren looked so blissful, for once in a long time. Your fingers couldn't help but stretch out to barely dance over his side, wanting to caress him. It's been awhile since you have had the chance to observe him sleeping in the same bed as you. Usually he'd be gone the morning of your hookups, before you even woke up. Though now instead of touching him, you recoiled your advance, deciding it'd be best to just lay down beside him. Perhaps in your own sleep you'd wrap your arm around him later, you didn't want to ruin the moment.

As you went to lean your back down, something cold vibrated against your lower back.

A blind hand searched behind you, grasping at the rectangular shape of a phone. Thinking it was your own, you slumped back against the wooden headboard behind you, slipping the object in front of you. Much to your confusion, instead of your own phone to distract you, it was Eren's. The back of your brain itched to figure out where you had put your own phone, alarming you a tad. You were quite the forgetful person when it came to your belongings. 

Unlike yours, Eren's phone had no cracks or air bubbles to it. It was probably because you never threw his phone like he has yours, but that's besides the point. Oddly enough, you never really went through his phone, or held it without him knowing before. Back then you trusted him enough, not wanting to be 'that girlfriend' who checked her boyfriend's phone when she was suspicious. It is quite funny how the tables were turned, though, as Eren was constantly interested in what you were doing with your phone as your relationship went downhill. Even now, if your phone buzzed, he'd more than likely be the person to see the text or notification first before you. It's funny how now that you're broken up, you couldn't help but be intrigued as well. 

'No,' You thought to yourself, 'That's wrong. It's none of my business anymore.'

Just as you went to stretch towards the nightstand, to flip the screen over and push away those deep thoughts, the screen lit up. What horrible timing. A notification showed up on his lock screen that you were bound to see as it was in the palm of your hands. Squinting in the darkness of your apartment, due to the fact Eren persuaded you to close the blinds and curtains so he could take a nap, you decided to be a bit nosy and check the text. His background was of him and his friends during a ski-trip from High School graduation, so the snow blinded your registering eyes. 

➥... Eren?  
[6:15 pm]

A classic, the simple question mark along with their name to draw someone in. The phone buzzed again, a dropdown shadow appearing behind the first text displayed on his lock screen. You hesitated, eyeing the back of Eren's head, his soft snores a tell that he was in a deep slumber. 'Don't do it,' The angel on your shoulder pleaded, 'You never liked it when he did it to you!'

'Open it,' The devil on the other side said, 'It won't register as read from the lock screen.'

Eren didn't look like he was waking up anytime soon.

The name of the contact wasn't exactly a familiar one. Looking into the past, you weren't sure if you had ever met a 'Mina Carolina' in your life. Senior year of High School, [Name] [Last Name] was known to be the senior that transferred during near-midst second semester at Shiganshina High all the way from Karanese High. Though no one really knew why, you still graduated amongst your class, not having a single friend. Armin Arlert did his best to try and become an acquaintance, but the two of you didn't click till he introduced you to Eren. 

So, of course you wouldn't remember a Mina Carolina if they went to the same school. College, though, you had no clue either.

You pressed on the dropdown notification, so yet another gray rectangular box fell under the first.

➥... Are you seriously bailing right now?  
➥... I miss you  
Image Attached  
[6:16 pm]

What the fuck.

The feeling that suddenly dawned on you was a familiar one. When all contents of your body drop straight to the depths of your stomach, a claustrophobic, dense feeling filling what space was left. The same gut feeling your stomach and heart received the first time you came across evidence that Eren was hooking up with other people.

Due to your current relationship status, there was no need to be jealous or antsy. Eren wasn't yours to keep. But, you were his? Was he hooking up with this girl the same time he was with you?

How confusing.

You couldn't help but wonder. Did he also treat her... like he did you?

Envy brewed in you, at how unfair this all was. How fucking unfair it was, and just when you were starting to feel alright again. How could you forget? The cycle always repeats like this, in your bed, every time. Of course you weren't the only girl anymore, you haven't been the only girl in months you'd guess. You weren't sure why this was hitting you harder than the first time you found out.

There was no reason to react. No reason to question Eren about it, either, but when you looked at his sleeping form you couldn't help but feel a bit enraged. He slept so easily.

"Eren," You urged shakily, perhaps a bit too quiet, using the bottom of your foot to press against his back to jostle him.

He groaned in response, trying to hide his face into the pillow he used. From underneath the blanket did he reach out an arm, swatting at your foot that continued to press into him. At this, you only pushed farther, as if you were putting all of this newfound jealousy and anger into your leg. Eren grabbed at your ankle, leaning upwards just enough to turn his head to you.

"What, [Name]?" He said groggily through squinted eyes, "I have work later."

"You-" The angel on your side wondered if telling him would be the best idea, making you sputter at first, holding his shaking phone in his direction. The light made him flinch a bit, only squinting those glassy eyes more, yet nonetheless scanning what was stuck out in front of him, "-You... you have a date right now."

"What?"

"Get out of m-my apartment."

Tears threatened to spill out of your eyes at the scrutinizing gaze Eren gave you, reaching out to snatch his phone from you, but you only pulled it farther behind you before he could advance any closer. Sluggishly, he sat up more, hair finally falling off his face and brushing aside. The look he was giving made you feel embarrassed, like you were overreacting. Maybe you were, but it hurt. He always managed to make you feel so, so stupid.

"Give me my phone, [Name]."

"Who is Mina?" You exclaimed, "You- You're fucking other girls, b-but you're still fucking me? Eren, what are you doing- I said get out of m-my apartment!"

This time Eren had finally sat up in the midst of your conversation, forcing you aside so he could grab the contraption that buzzed again in your hand, screen lighting up in the darkness. You tried to hold it higher and farther away, but Eren's arm length was longer than yours. Tears dribbling down your face, you coiled your arm back and threw the phone aside with all your might. A crash came from where it landed, hitting the side of your dresser and bouncing against the wall, before landing flat onto its screen. 

"What the fuck [Name]?" Eren exclaimed, finally pushing you with a force you weren't prepared for, so he could go into the corner to receive his phone. The push had you swirling to the side, warmth sprouting on the side of your head as it slammed against the edge of your nightstand before you could catch yourself. The box of plan B that was opened on the edge rocked off, as well as the empty bottled water with it due to impact. A pained cry left you as you shriveled up into a protective ball, grabbing at your throbbing head.

A liquid could be felt in the palm of your hand as you pressed against the middle of your pain, hoping it'll relieve the built up pressure you felt. Maybe the pressure was from you breaking out into a full-fledged break down, sobbing and hiccupping, giving you barely any time to take in a quick breath, but all you knew was that everything felt so dense all of a sudden.

The sound of a bitter sigh was heard from behind as Eren shuffled to pick up the wreck that was his phone. Compared to your description earlier, the thing now looked like a spider had left an intricate spider web on one of the sides. Though slim, long cracks dragged down from the busted corner of the screen, all the way down to where the home button on most phones would be. It was usable, but safe to say, extremely shattered and in need of a new screen. Eren could hardly see a third of the things displayed on his home screen.

In comparison to the two phones he had permanently busted of yours, it was nothing. But anger couldn't help but bubble in his chest.

"I'm not yours, [Name]," He bursted out, throwing his arms out from his sides, "I can fuck whoever I want, whenever I want. And I can fuck you too, don't you understand? I thought you were smarter than this."

"Leave!" You sobbed aloud, making a fist and hitting the plush pillow on your bed. Red could be seen seeping onto it, although you weren't facing him. "Get the fuck out."

"You broke my phone," Eren retorted, stalking over to your trembling body, "Because you're jealous? That I have sex with other girls?"

A pompous laugh spat out in your direction as he stumbled back onto the bed. A hand grappled itself onto your shoulder, even as you tried to shrug it aside, pulled you onto your back so you could stare back at him. His eyes were wide, storming with an infatuated rage, while a wicked smile was on his face. Almost a bit like he was in disbelief by your inner thoughts, almost as if they were a sick joke.

The sight before him made Eren recoil. A singular drop of blood rolled down from your hairline, where red was thickly smeared from down your scalp. The drop rolled down the midst of your forehead, down your nose, stopping at the tip as it tantalizingly got ready to drip onto the white sheets, staining them yet again for a second day in a row. Your eyes were wide, filled with an erratic fear. Tears bubbled up inside, though many already cascading down your wet cheeks. They collected down at your chin, where they met again if they didn't trail off the sides of your face, ready to fall from the point.

His hands found themselves pushing your own aside, holding onto your head, matting blood onto his own hands.

"Holy shit."

"Get out," You tried to scream, but your voice cracked halfway, leaving nothing but a painful croak. A mantra of 'get out's' started to fall from between your painfully cracked lips, eyes shutting tightly so you didn't have to look him in the eyes. Trying to force Eren away, your legs tried to kick upwards at him, but it was to no use. No matter the strength you used in soles of your feet, beating against his abdomen with vigor, he pulled you into a tight embrace. Arms like an anaconda, they snaked around to your back, over your arms to hold them from flailing. They were tight, holding you like a vice.

"I'm so sorry," He said, "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

As if a switch flicked, tears horrifyingly wet your neck.

"No one is like you, okay? No one else."

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ I was listening to 'I'll Be Good' by James Young whilst writing the ending of this chapter. I apologize for it being short again today, we are going to get a lengthier chapter next time, I promise. 
> 
> Archive really crashed while I was writing this two nights ago. Thankfully I save everything in my Docs as I go along 💀🖐. Anyways, dear Tumblr users, I have opened up my asks for some suggestions on who to write a fanfiction about next, or a specific plot. I kinda’ want to get into another one before I finish this one.


	10. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Today we play catchup.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ The sound of voices on the bustling street was unfamiliar, but calming somehow. It felt like a protective buzzing, instead of observant eyes protecting one it was the simple presence of others. 

A nearby crowd couldn’t help but feel comfortable, you’ve realized. Fall would officially begin in a week, but it didn’t feel like so. The heat radiating off the sun and collecting in the cement was still glaring onto the top of people's heads, making backs uncomfortably sweaty. Yet no matter the weather, people still pushed through their day, continuing with their plans. Making their way to work or from work to home, going to visit friends, or going to see family. Students still trudged along with backpacks that only added more weight, occasionally stopping in home stores to get a piece of fresh air conditioning. 

The townspeople assumed fall would hit like a bus for a few days, and winter covering the city with ten inches of snow right after. Cool winds and bundling up in sweaters didn't seem too shabby, if anything it'd be more comfortable for you to work on your own projects whilst in the comfort of your own home. With a cup of hot chocolate in one hand and the overheating bottom of your laptop plastered to your lap, all while being covered by a thick quilted blanket. It'd be a change, as you have been spending time in a local coffee shop to brainstorm your writing, but perhaps changing the scenery often was a good thing. The movement to the café helped you become focused, yet also buzzed due to the amount of caffeine you've consumed.

It's been a long time since you have spent so much of your day outside of the apartment.

Shamefully, sometimes writers block hit hard, and you would find yourself staring out the window and watching the passerby's. It was fun people-watching, you’ve learned. The realization everyone is their own person, with their own moving life is so fascinating. Yet still made you envious deep down, for a life that seemed so easy. So very normal and cookie-cutter.

What you’d do to live a bland day-by-day life was astounding. To be surrounded by good people, with a boyfriend who caressed you like you were the only lover he had in the world, and parents who were in your life. Maybe to still be in school, not staking your education for a boy who you care deeply for, perhaps making new friends that you could talk to everyday through classes; not just on occasions. Probably not interacting with your professor in an unprofessional way, too.

As the cycle of lonesome restarted, you took the time to realize that a lot of things could be avoided. But when it comes down to it, whatever happens in the moment is uncontrollable by you. It seems there's too many feelings storming at once in your consciousness to ever make a 'correct' decision, whatever that may be. 

It's time to talk in the moment, anyways.

You haven't been in contact with Eren for five days, yet a band-aid covering a stagnant scar on your forehead which leads far past your hairline, would continue to be a reminder of his presence. The night his force nearly got you stitches, and the night you let the cycle of internal torment restart. Where he cried into the crook of your neck, saying too many hiccupped apologies for your clouded brain to remember. All you felt was a burning in your chest, and a strong pressure brewing against your skull. Instead of going to the hospital, Eren wrapped your head with bandages that you had bought a long time ago due to his own rashness, before forcing you to take multiple medications you don't remember the names of. 

He laid you down with one too many blankets and shawls covering you, constantly giving your dozed off face multiple guilty glances, before leaving in your sleep.

As per usual, when you finally got the energy to stand up on your own two feet, you didn't find any note regarding his absence. When you heard the faint buzz of your phone, which had been hidden under a pile of laundry in need of folding, there wasn't a single text from Eren. You didn't expect him to give any notice, as he hasn't been the type to do so for the past five months, but something in your heart always wondered if there was a chance he did. Gnawing at your brain, always making you check any surface of your apartment the mornings you woke up alone.

Since then you've been nauseous, unable to keep anything down or barely stand up, you decided to call in sick for work for the few days you were scheduled. Once again succumbing to the pain that was the history in your apartment. Being cooped up all day, writing out all your frustrations into the blinding light of your apartment only made you feel worse. So you decided to go to a family owned coffee shop, no matter how deathly you looked. With a huge black hoodie pulled over your head and baggy gray sweatpants, which weren't things you usually wore.

Thinking of the old [Name], she'd always get ready to go out no matter where.

To your surprise, you were the only customer the little shop had. The older lady behind the counter was so happy, telling you how you were the first customer she had that day. It was twelve in the afternoon. Only three others came in that day, passing by your table to the register, before disappearing after five minutes or so. The coffee was good, and so were the deserts they sold, it was sort of a shame. You wondered why you haven't gone to the place before.

So, of course you had to keep going. When you paid for four coffees in a row whilst sitting at one of the cute, old-timey tables that had white-chipped paint and cute flowery designs on the legs, the older lady started just giving you snacks and drinks 'on the house.' Which solidified your visits.

Her name was Kuchel Ackerman, she said. A feeble, thinning woman with black hair yet beautiful despite her age. 

There wasn’t a time so far that she didn’t indulge you with a story before you started your work. Either she’d stretch those nimble fingers of hers outwards on the tabletop while sitting in front of you, going on and on about interesting things she’s experienced during her life or even just that day, or she would be working behind the counter; still telling you about her day despite the distance.

She loves telling you about her son. 

“You’re a very pretty girl,” She said with a smile, “It’s a shame you’re too young for him. A young girl like you doesn’t need some old guy, right?”

It doesn’t fail to amaze you that her son is thirty eight or so. She looked young for age. Though albeit, like said before, extremely thin. Kuchel said she had a health defect that was slowly taking a toll on her body the fourth day you visited. Instead of being sad about it, she would change the subject to how her son wanted to take over the place. Bitterly she’d add on, “But he’d like to make it mainly a tea shop.”

Maybe you keep coming because she reminded you of what your mother once was like. Witty, yet sweet. Yet maybe another part of you felt bad if you didn’t come the next day. Would she be lonely?

Something you didn’t expect to happen this week was becoming attached to a coffee shop owner.

In the depths of your thoughts, you were snapped back into the reality of the ever-moving life around you due to a shuffling you caught in your peripherals. Finally pulling your gaze away from the falling amber and yellow leaves that made tiny tornadoes in the wind outside, you notice two coffees slid their way into the midst of the table. One settled nicely against the side of your laptop which was open to a document that you have been spending your time on. It was a story about the stars and their reactions to the world below, specifically the disappointment they feel. Professor Smith wanted you to practice writing, so before you took a single foot in his class again, he wanted you to bring him a well-written short story. It’s been what’s taking up so much of your time.

Trailing your eyes from the coffee, you realize the other one was grasped by a hand. Delicate, yet sharp knuckles. Just past their wrist were perfectly folded white cuffs hidden under a green sweater.

Bertolt gave you a smile, “Look who it is.”

“You didn’t have to buy me anything,” You reassured softly, yet nonetheless still grabbing onto the warm styrofoam with newfound appreciation. Even though it was hot outside, the warmth was satisfying against your palms. 

“What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t?” He pointed out, “You graciously invited me to this secret hidey-hole, I have to show some sort of gratitude.” 

A lively smile sprouted on your face as you leaned a bit closer to Bertolt over the table, putting a hand up to the side of your face as if someone would be reading your lips, "I don't know if Kuchel would like it if you called this place a 'hidey-hole,' a 'small corner of this world' would be much better. You didn't hear it from me, though."

Bertolt chuckled, "Then I'll say this is quite the large real estate."

"That's better."

The two of you shared a mischievous glance as you leaned back into your seat, before taking a moment to sip your coffees. Never before were you exactly a 'coffee' person, you preferred sugary drinks that pumped your blood a concerning amount, like Frappuccinos. But recently, it seems that coffee helps you stay stable. Perhaps it was the start of an unhealthy addiction, but as of right now you didn't mind, taking quite the unprofessional gulp of the steaming brew you were so kindly gifted. Bertolt, on the other hand, took cautious sips. 

Fire tickled at your taste buds and the roof of your mouth, but the feeling was rewarding when the liquid slipped past through your throat, pooling heat into your chest down to your stomach. You set the cup aside, returning your attention to your laptop, which you started to click at with a fixed expression.

"You're writing already?"

A long sigh was the response at first, "Erwin wants me to present a 'suitable' short-story in case I want to snatch a seat before next semester." One corner of your lip tugged downwards with visual disappointment, but you shrugged it off as you continued, "I guess it also is a good distraction, you know? I haven't written in a long time either, so it's nice to get some of the rust off."

Bertolt quirked an eyebrow upwards, squinting a tad, "Erwin?"

"Oh," You blanked, lips falling open in surprise, "Sorry, I meant Professor Smith."

It was Bertolt's time to shrug. Instead of pressing the subject, mocking you for accidently calling a favored 'professional' Professor by his first name, he gestured at your laptop. Stretching out a pointer finger that made you think of those famous people that play piano. 'Piano hands,' you're sure that's a thing. Everything about him seemed neat and proper like how piano is displayed to the public, but somehow a bit casual. Like a librarian, maybe.

"Do you mind if I read what you have so far?"

"It isn't a lot, nor' is it any good either," You flushed, yet still turned the gray laptop into his direction and pushed it towards him, "But it's always good to get criticism."

He waved his hand at you in dismissal whilst rolling his eyes. With those hands you observed carefully before, he gently held onto the side of the laptop, pulling it even closer so he could read comfortably. Leaning back into his plush seat, with one hand filled with a cup and the other brushed against your laptop.

There was an apparent buzzing coming from Bertolt as he read. Once the round of buzzing would stop, a beat of silence would follow thereafter, before more again. Due to the fact it was in his back pocket, the buzz ricocheted against the seat and back into him. He didn't seem to pay any mind to it, though. 

"You can answer that, you know."

Bertolt perked up at your words, as if he hadn't even noticed the buzzing before. Perhaps it was a normal occurrence. The way his attention quickly snapped out of being delved into your story, head quirking outwards and doe-eyes wide was sort of endearing. You couldn't help but smile again, before pointing a dainty finger in his direction, a bit downwards. Like magic, another buzz was heard.

"I didn't even notice, I'm sorry-" He fumbled, quickly pulling his phone from his pocket to inspect the buttons on the side, completely ignoring the wall of texts on his home screen that lit up at his movement, "I turn my ringer off and everything but it always still buzzes, so I guess I just got use to it."

"It's no worries," You reassured, "You can't help being 'cool.'

Your teasing words made Bertolt choke out a laugh, hand slapping over his mouth instantly, thinking he might've offended you. "Cool? No, not cool at all," He said sheepishly, stumbling over his own words while waving the phone around him wildly, "I'm just in a huge group chat of friends, not cool at all."

"That must be nice," You replied, deep down a bit envious of the social-interaction, "Sorry for interrupting your reading, I'll let you get back at it."

Without skipping a beat, Bertolt rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly, "Do you want to be in it?"

"The group chat?" 

He nodded shyly, before adamantly telling you that you didn't have to join if you didn't want to. Bertolt informed you that it was indeed quite the big amount of people, adding on that most of them were at the 'little' party that happened nearly a week ago. You crossed your arms, sliding them onto the table-top in thought. 

"So Sasha, Reiner, Mikasa, Armin..." You trailed off a bit, hesitant to continue, "...Eren Yeager?"

"Yeah, yeah! You know a handful then, and I bet Sasha would be super happy to see you talking to more people, she was very adamant about everyone being friendly towards you that one night."

"I don't know..." You trailed off, leaning back onto the floral patterned cushions of the chair you were sitting on, that had spindly legs that winded around like the ones drawn in fairy-tales. Lost fingers reached down and picked at the loose green and velvet threats that stuck out of the side, making you chew on the inside of your cheek.

"Also, everyone likes to hang out often! Since we're all in our prime, you know? So we all kind of keep track of stuff going on and all hang out often," He added on eagerly, a beaming smile on his face that revealed pearly whites. Talking about his friend group made him happy, you could tell. If you asked for him to tell you a few stories that had happened in said group, you're sure he wouldn't mind delving into the past to tell you about things. 

In your prime, huh? You never really thought about it like that. Here you were, twenty years old and already taking the low road in life instead of taking advantage of the moments you could be having. You weren't even twenty one years old, you haven't even lived your life yet, because you threw it all down the drain to devote yourself to someone. And completely doing so, even after the end of things. Education to pursue your dreams have long since crashed and burned, making friends along the way and making memories flushed down the toilet. Going out, instead of cooped up, unable to move in your apartment seemed to be all you knew.

"I think it'd be nice, sure," You accepted slowly, "But I hope you don't expect me to be active. I'm not exactly a good texter."

Bertolt shook his head dismissively, "You're good, plenty of people don't even reply. I'll add you now, and get right back into the story, okay?"

Your stomach churned as he tapped away at his phone, before your own buzzed in response. Gingerly you pulled it out of your hoodie pocket, unlocking the screen and opening up your messages app. A group chat with thirteen people, with only five of them already in your contacts. Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Bertolt Hoover, Sasha Braus, and Eren Yeager. Nearly all that were texting ignored your entrance, and continued to talk about a topic you weren't familiar with. Something about Titans. Only Bertolt had said, "This is [Name]!" and that was all. You didn't mind the lack of attention though.

➥... Woah! [Name] you finally joined! :)  
[12:45 pm]

There goes Sasha. 

Bertolt had since put away his phone, immediately going back into his reading. It was sweet of him to be so determined to finish what little things you had, especially as it was unedited. The texts began to continue, your own phone buzzing uncomfortably in your heating palms. Unlike Bertolt, you went ahead and muted notifications from the group chat. Believe it or not, you were unfamiliar when it came to this sort of thing. Never before had you spoken to so many people at once, and so much was happening this week which was just as unfamiliar. Perhaps you were a bit overwhelmed. 

Maybe being overwhelmed is what is making your stomach continue to church uncomfortably. You splayed your hand over your stomach, pressing down against it to try and relieve the pain you were feeling. But the nausea continued up into your throat, tickling at the top. Instantly, you stood up and dashed towards the one-toilet bathroom the little shop hand.

You spewed chunks of Kuchel's fresh bread and butter into the toilet.

Throwing up was always an unappealing feeling. The unnecessary gagging before and after the deed was done only made one want to hurl more. Anxiously, and a bit disgusted, you washed your hands and gurgled water into your mouth before spitting out any residue of throw up out. 

When you went to sit back down, Bertolt instantly questioned you.

"I think I ate too much earlier," You laughed breathlessly, "Sorry about that, that's gross."

Instantly, Bertolt rejected your comment.

"I was going to invite you to come to a bonfire tonight, but if you aren't feeling well you don't have to."

"I'm okay," You persisted, "Is it okay if you give me a ride?"

He stilled at that, unsure if he heard you correctly, before accepting eagerly.

"Yeah! Yeah of course. It starts at 10 tonight, but the place is kind of far, so I'll come around 9:30?"

"Sure."

As he continued his reign to finish what you had of your short-story, this time uninterrupted, you focused your attention out the window and at the leaves once again. They swayed at the slightest amount of wind, be it from the air or from a human lifeforms movement. It helped distract you from the nausea brewing in your head.

For the rest of your study time, you didn't touch your coffee.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Sorry it took me awhile, I didn’t have the motivation to do back to back dailies, and the ending of a school semester is always shitting-scary. Here's a bit of a filler chapter so we can get into the middle story quicker.


	11. Queasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Some people are shitty liars. 
> 
> Some, though, are good liars, and take advantage of what good is there for them. Deep down, they're bad people too. It's hard to know who to trust anymore.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ ‘It’s- It’s literally amazing.’

Those words played in your head over and over on a continuous repeat in the silence of Bertolt’s car. The praise he had given your work once he had finished your short-story couldn’t leave your mind. With your head placed against his window, gazing at your reflection that shined back through the glass from the orange tinted lamps that were far between each other, you noticed there was a faint smile ghosting your lips.

You were ashamed to say you loved praise. Though Eren knew you did, he rarely did it in an unsexual way anymore. No more peppered kisses all over your face when you made a big accomplishment, heaving you into the air so he could twirl you around like a princess. Nor did he have little celebrations planned for you when you got home, poorly made balloons strewn around while Eren had a tiny hat on his head. So due to the lack of it, any praise you got nowadays sort of stuck with you. It’s been so long since someone was proud of you, you craved it. 

And Bertolt gave you exactly what your heart pleaded for.

From where you sat, you carefully rotated your head to the side so you could view Bertolt. It paralleled your last car drive with Eren, where you watched him when he was distracted. Unlike Eren, Bertolt drove with stiff posture, both of his hands on the steering wheel, clutching at it like he would nearly swerve off the road at any moment. It was sort of adorable, though. 

What wasn’t adorable was the expression on his face. He didn’t seem relaxed at all, compared to what you’re used to. Compared to anything before, actually. His jaw was clenched while his thinner-lips were pursed tightly, like he was deep in thought. Those doe-eyes you liked to observe while he read were a bit alarmed. Perhaps he was just nervous for the bonfire.

Or maybe he was still embarrassed from the accident that had happened when he picked you up from your apartment.

You had an alarm set for when you should begin getting ready, so you could at least make your somewhat deathly form presentable. But instead of being awake already, you woke up from the blaring alarm in your pocket from the floor in front of your bed. When Bertolt had dropped you off, he had asked if you wanted help to get upstairs as you looked a bit sluggish, which you adamantly refused as your home was a complete mess still. The moment you had shut the door behind you, a wave of nausea fell over you and encased your knees, making you buckle to the ground and pass out.

Thankfully the alarm woke you up. So you got ready, still in a groggy daze, putting on an outfit you deemed cute. Bertolt then texted you he was outside.

When you opened your front door, you weren’t expecting Bertolt to be standing there. In your mind you imagined he was parked outside your apartment buildings entrance, waiting for you there. But instead you absentmindedly ran straight into his chest. It shocked the both of you, making you grab onto his arm so you didn’t topple over. As you pulled on the fabric, your wrist bumped into his pocket, making something jostle.

When you tugged on the fabric, out of his pocket fell out a little baggy.

“I’m so sorry,” You babbled, immediately leaning down to pick up the thing, “I didn’t know you’d be waiting here.” In a panic, Bertolt snatched it from you the moment you straightened your back, stuffing the thing into his pockets.

You laughed awkwardly at his quick movements, “Drugs or something? I won’t judge you, but you should probably make it harder for them to fall out like that.”

Bertolt made a face, “No- No,” He started, waving a dismissive hand at you, “It’s uh, my anxiety medication. I’m not a fan of crowds, I probably forgot to put it away before I left the house.”

“Oh,” You said, sliding your hand into the depths of your hair to scratch at your scalp uncomfortably, “It’s no worries. Don’t know why I assumed you were just carrying around coke with you or something.”

The two of you broke out into stiff laughter at that, which died down quite bluntly after a few coughs.

That’s what lead you to now, your current situation. With him still in an awkward panic even after twenty minutes. It sort of hurt your feelings a bit, how alarmed he was that you found out he has anxiety medication. You didn’t think people viewed you as the type to judge them for their mental health. Thinking about it, you should be the last person to judge someone for what’s going on in their personal life. The thought that Bertolt didn’t trust you made you chew on the inside of your cheek, unsure if you should bring the topic up again so he knew you were trustworthy. If you brought it up, who’s to say he wouldn’t get more uncomfortable?

So the two of you continued to sit in silence.

The scenery surrounding you was unfamiliar. At first you had imagined that the bonfire party would’ve taken place in someone's backyard, but as the vehicle continued to go past the city, you realized that might not be the truth. Meekly, you had asked Bertolt where exactly the bonfire was taking place. He responded by saying his friend, Jean, had a second house in the forest up ahead.

Personally you had never gone down to the area as you simply had no need to. Many rich people owned cabins there, and or rented them to stay the night for a while for vacations. Believe it or not, you weren’t a trust fund baby. There was a beautiful lake, you heard, that cut through the forest that a lot of people enjoyed boating in. People said the cabins were more modern than what you’d imagine a summer camp cabin would be like, with tall windows and huge doors. The main attraction, Bertolt told you, was the huge firepit there was at Jean’s. Surrounded by forest, but far enough that no forest-fire could be started, along with the view of the lake in the background.

Your imagination made you smile fondly.

As the lamps got farther apart as you proceeded further into the forest, taking turns at signs that split into different paths, a distant thumping of loud bass music became louder. Bertolt’s car stopped in front of a miraculously large cabin, parking idly next to many others that were parked lazily. The building was two stories tall with a three car garage, but the angular roof with a singular window underneath the vertex made it look like three. Exterior walls were covered with warm brown planks as well as a lighter toffee one the higher the building got, cobblestone lining half of the front. Tall logs acted as pillars, holding up the overhanging roof. Small fairy-lights were gentle to the eyes, lined against the side, yet were overpowered by the yellow tinted light inside of the cabin. The porch was large, with a huge front door yet also had a tall window that reached from the bottom to the top of the cabin. Though other colored lights did flash as well, you could see figures moving around even from your low view of the home.

“I’m a bit intimidated,” You said finally as Bertolt pulled the key out of the ignition and unbuckled his seatbelt. The light in the car dimmed, making it hard to see as the sun had set not too long ago. But through the shadowy darkness, you could see him give a confident thumbs up.

“I know it isn’t really your scene,” He said, “But you’ll do great.”

A breathy laugh left your lips, unsure if you believed him. Last time you went out to a gathering, only disaster followed. You can only assume you would receive the same fate again. Instead of further showing your uneasiness, you gave Bertolt a tight lipped smile that seemed to buy.

You hopped out of his car, gently shutting the door behind you before quickly catching up Bertolt who was already taking a b-line for the steps that were the only entrance up to the porch. Slowing your pace as you walked beside him, you flattened your tan plaid skirt that had black and white lines. A hand found itself on your lower back, guiding you in the direction of the front door.

The physical touch made you jump, ready to call out Eren for doing it out of nowhere, when you realized it was just Bertolt. Something about him doing what Eren loved to routinely do felt wrong, so you decided to quicken your pace without commenting on it. It seemed Bertolt got the message you were uncomfortable, as he retracted his hand, reaching out to open the front door instead. It was a sage green, believe it or not.

“It’s unlocked?” You asked.

“I’d assume so,” Bertolt answered, “Especially since everyone is coming at their own time today. It started an hour ago, but I personally don’t like watching my friends drink themselves into a hole.”

“Ah, so you like seeing the aftermath without knowing how it happened?”

“I guess you could say that.”

An adamant distance was audible in his words. You went to give him a second glance, yet his face was already out of view, as he opened the door and entered casually. Deciding you didn’t want to walk in without a friend, you let the door shut behind you before meeting up a little behind him, almost hiding behind his back. Bertolt didn’t seem to mind your bashful actions.

Following the sound of music and voices trying to be louder than said music, which grew louder and louder, you two found yourselves in what would be described as the living room. It was a huge, ceiling vented place with tall windows and long L shaped leather couches everywhere much like Erwins’, except double the size. A white fireplace was against the wall, with a flat screen mounted above it that a few people were paying attention to. Red solo cups were strewn all over, as well as trash. On the top of the fireplace, on the coffee table, on the couches. Such a beautiful place was tainted with mess.

People stood in groups or danced, some sat on the couch, or sat genuinely anywhere that was a flat surface. Which also counted other people's laps. It seemed some people were on the back porch, balcony-like place, sitting on the railing and on the seats out there as well. You assumed some were already crowding the bonfire, as there was faint smoke that you could see from the open back door, as well as more music and voices coming from outside.

The room felt stuffy, for sure. You almost regretted wearing a black sweater, but you needed it to cover your injuries. Thankfully the higher bruises were more of a brown-ish yellow now instead of nastily dark purples, so you could properly cover them with makeup. But if one looked closely, they’d more than likely notice an odd discoloration. 

“Bertolt!” Chided out a voice, before a confused, “[Name]?” followed.

Sasha Braus waved her arms violently, nearly tripping over someone passed out on the floor when hastily approaching you guys. She looked cute, with baggy gray sweatpants that hung on her hips along with a black tank-top, while her hair was still in it’s iconic ponytail. It was casual, yet breathable. You could tell she already danced her ass off with the sweat gleaming on her temple. 

“I didn’t know you were coming,” She yelled, yet still grabbed onto your hand, “But I’m happy you’re here! Is this your first bonfire at Jean’s?”

You nodded hesitantly. Even though you never replied to Sasha’s texts, questioning if you were doing okay and her pleads that the two of you should have a conversation about the last gathering, she seemed gleeful to see you. A toothy smile was on her face, making her cheeks pop. 

“Bertolt, get [Name] something to drink,” Sasha sang, throwing an arm around your neck and hooking you closer to her. She rubbed her head against yours, laughing at your struggle to do the same back.

“But-”

“You can have her all to yourself later,” She exclaimed, “Keep watching her from afar for a little longer, dork.”

With that, she pulled you away yet instead of guiding you into the mass of people, she pulled you farther into the house. A few people littered the rest of the rooms and hallways on the first floor, so she took you up the main staircase, where dark green carpet lined the middle. Upstairs was starkly empty compared to the downstairs. Sasha let go off your wrist and leaned against the banister with her back.

“Why are we up here?”

“I feel like it’s interesting to watch, at first,” She said gently, “But I also want to talk.”

Due to the distance from the second floor to the first, as well as the little amount of people by the staircase, it was safe to say no one would be able to eavesdrop without being noticed. But you still gave her a worried look.

“If it’s about what you saw that night…”

“Nah,” She shrugged, turning on her heels so she could lean forward over the banister with little to no worry about falling. Her little ponytail just barely swung to the side at the movement, “I don’t want to force you into talking about something when you’re obviously not ready. I actually just wanted to warn you about something.”

“Warn me?” You questioned, taking a step forward so you could join her at the banister. Both of you gazed down at the people moving in and out of the living room from the outside, where people smoked and grinded down onto each other. You noticed that the music wasn’t as loud upstairs, even if there wasn’t a wall separating you from it. The sight before you with less music made you watch closer, crossing your arms so you could set them on top of the banister in interest.

“Yeah, warn you,” One of her point fingers outstretched along with her arm, guiding your eyes to the door to the balcony, “Eren’s here, he’s out there right now.”

The comment made a makeshift emotional rock drop down into your stomach.

How did it not occur to you that he would be here? At a party that his friends had announced in a chat that he himself was in? Literally his close group of friends. Sasha’s warning made you suck in quickly, air cold against your uvula.

What if he saw you?

What if you saw him first? 

“Why’re you warning me?” You asked quietly, trying to hide the shaky fear in your tone. The feeling of a band-aid plastered against your upper forehead suddenly became so noticeable to your senses, where under a scar had begun to form.

“I had a feeling you’d like to know,” She said simply, animosity surrounding her, “It’s none of my business, really, but I just had a feeling.”

From above you could see Bertolt emerge from the kitchen, looking around wildly when he noticed the two of you were genuinely out of sight. Sasha stuck two fingers into her mouth and whistled, catching his attention from below. He looked up, and held two drinks up into the air with a goofy smile, as if saying ‘I got them!’ With a flick of her wrist, Sasha gestured for him to come join you two upstairs. He understood, and hurriedly went over.

“I just want you to know I care about you, okay?”

You didn’t reply to that. 

Thankfully, Bertolt already emerged up the stairs. He held two cups in his hands, one a red solo cup whilst the other blue. Sasha whistled a thank you, reaching for the blue, but Bertolt stuck it up into the air.

“No, no” He tsked, “The blue one is for [Name].”

“Is that your way of flirting? I see,” She said coyly, putting a hand to her lips in fake shock. The comment had Bertolt sputtering, nonetheless still handing Sasha her red cup. The blue one was gracefully put into your grasp, you nodding a quiet thank you to Bertolt.

“You didn’t get yourself one?” You asked softly, “If you want, you can take mine, I’ll just get another later.”

“The prince here graciously gave you a special ‘blue’ cup! I think getting a new one would be insulting,” Poked Sasha playfully, nudging your own cup with hers in a makeshift cheers, before taking a swig by throwing her head back a bit to take large gulps. Her eyebrows twitched, obviously not enjoying the taste, but she played it off by wiping her mouth.

“It’s okay, I don’t want to drink tonight,” Bertolt sighed, “I’m your designated driver.”

“You two came here together?”

At that, the two of you nodded. Sasha gasped, slapping Bertolt’s back, which made him cough violently due to the unnecessary strength she used. “You’re driving her around? Damn, talk about forward!”

You laughed sheepishly at that, “It’s not like that, but very funny Sasha.”

She rolled her eyes, “Sure!” The ending of her word was elongated, dripping with sarcasm. With that, she rolled her shoulder in the direction of the stairs, “I think it’s time we go bust down.”

“Did you just say ‘bust down’? I think I’d rather not,” Snorted Bertolt, following Sasha’s lead down the stairs. Hesitantly, you took careful steps after them, taking quick sips of your drink that tasted like shitty bourbon. You pushed through the metallic taste nonetheless. If Eren really was here, and if you ran into him, you’d much rather be drunk than sober. You wouldn’t want to remember the interaction for a few days because it’s more than likely you’d embarrass yourself by breaking down or by throwing yourself at him. 

“Can I just watch?” You asked sheepishly, “I’m not really that type of person.”

Sasha pouted, throwing her hair to the side so she could look at you over her shoulder. From the bottom of the steps, she pointed a finger at you, before slamming the rest of her drink down, then letting go of it so it dropped the floor.

“[Name] [Last Name], I want you to have fun.”

“Watching is fun-”

“Ah, ah! Don’t say it, zip those cute lips, let’s have some actual fun,” She persuaded, “Doesn’t have to be with other people, you can just stick with Berty and I.” You cocked your head to the side much like a hurt puppy would, but it only made Sasha grab onto your wrist again, practically tripping you down the stairs and dragging you into the jumping group of people. It’s a surprise none of you drink spilled over the side.

Like she had promised, it was only Sasha and Bertolt you spent a lot of the time with. Sometimes it was just one of the two, since one of them would split off to go see a different friend of theirs, but after a while you couldn’t help but feel bad for keeping them with you. Like they were babysitting you much like how they did at the gathering at Connie’s home. Of course you were all having fun, you couldn’t remember a time you have laughed so hard in a long time.

At one point, Sasha had stolen someone else’s drink, and as they tried to snatch it back from her, she immediately downed the cup and crushed the plastic thing in her hand right after with a strength you didn’t expect. It was sort of scary, but a surprised laugh snapped out of you, which made Sasha start laughing as well. After that, she’d lean her weight onto you, giggling into your ear and pointing at people, telling you dirty stories about them that only she knew.

One was specifically about her ex, Connie, and how he once pissed the bed while they were together and he blamed her for it, saying ‘she was on her period.’ The two of you snorted at that, and when he noticed the pair of eyes on him, he flipped you two the bird with his thumb hidden. You’re sure it was playful, specifically because he didn’t hold out his thumb, but the scrunched up face he made made you feel a bit bad. Sasha didn’t seem to mind though, simply sticking her tongue out at him.

It wasn’t long for you to start feeling tipsy.

A familiar nausea filled your stomach. Usually when you drank you didn’t throw up so easily, but in recent days you have seemed to get sick very easily. It took you days to be able to start eating properly again. The feeling flooding your body made you queasy, now your turn to lean onto Sasha whilst another hand grabbed onto Bertolt to stop you from falling. Your knees buckled for just a moment, alarming the two of them.

“Is it just me, or does [Name] look… green?” Sasha asked carefully, slurring just a bit every few words. She hooked an arm around your waist, holding you up even though she herself was hammered. 

Bertolt leaned down to take a look at your lolling head, which tried to shake away Sasha’s words without responding. “Yeah, she does. You only had one drink, right?”

“‘M gonna throw up,” You murmured as you limply nodded in response to Bertolts question, before your body suddenly lurched a gag. Sasha gasped immediately, tugging you in the direction of the nearest bathroom, as if the gag had suddenly turned her sober and made her walk normally again. Bertolt quickly followed behind, pushing people away so you could get to the bathroom properly again. A hand slapped over your mouth before you entered the bathroom as a warm feeling grew up your throat, trying to hold back the vomit with your hand.

You dropped to your knees the moment you were in front of the toilet, Sasha throwing the toilet seat upwards. Just as she did, you grabbed onto the toilet, vomit spilling out of you. It was barely any food at all, just liquid, which made you keep gagging for air before vomiting more. 

A comforting hand rubbed at your back while another scooped up all your hair from your face, protecting it into a hand held behind your head so none of it fell into the toilet or got in the way of your puke. Your back continued to lurch horrendously as you gasped for air, trying to stop vomiting. 

“She only drank one drink, I swear,” You vaguely heard Sasha say, “You help her rinse her mouth, I’m going to go get some medication, okay?”

“Do you even know where it is?”

“No,” Exclaimed Sasha impatiently, “But I’ll find it, and if I have to drag Jean into it, I will. Stay here, okay?”

The door slammed behind her as she immediately jogged off.

Finally, the gagging that kept spilling from you stopped. Your eyes oddly felt heavy, as well as your head. The tongue in your mouth didn’t even feel real, like it was cotton, as well as the rest of your mouth. You only had one drink, and when you did get sickly drunk, why on Earth did you become so sleepy so fast?

Your head bobbed as it struggled to keep itself up.

Bertolt filled up a solo cup with water, holding it up to your lips. “Gurgle this and spit it out, okay?” He said softly. You looked at him through bleary eyes, but nonetheless did as he said, leaning your head back as he put the top of the cup against your lips.

For some reason, you thought of Eren as he did this, remembering the time he did the same thing except for different reasons. Fat tears bubbled out of your tear ducts, blinding you and stamping your eyelashes wet, before sliding down your heated cheeks. With what energy you had, you swished the water in your mouth, before spitting it out into the toilet. Bertolt kindly flushed the mess for you.

Something wasn’t right.

Bertolt leaned over from behind, heaving you up into a stand that you could barely hold, with his arms snaked tightly around your waist to keep you up. The feeling of a cold palm slipped beneath the thick fabric of your sweater, planting itself against your stomach. The cold touch made you squirm uncomfortably, even through your clouded thoughts.

“Bertolt?” You slurred, vision dimming.

The hand stayed there just for a moment, before you felt your legs go out from under you. A different arm hooked itself under your knees, picking up your limp form. You repeated his name again, yet you didn’t get a response that time either. Your call ended with a breathless croak instead as darkness consumed your vision, reminiscent of the feeling you had felt that same afternoon.

The last thing you heard was the bathroom door opening.

When you awoke, you heard Eren.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Reading the comments, I feel like all of you that are invested in the plot are going to be surprised soon, except for a comment or three who have caught onto a little something that’s coming up. Perhaps you'll see what I mean in this very chapter. I’m finally getting super excited to write this story and get through the thick of it.
> 
> I apologize for the recent lacking of Eren, he'll be back right off the back in the next chapter. I just felt like it's needed to touch more on the, 'not all characters are good' thing.
> 
> !!Slight trigger warning for the next chapter, even if it's for a few seconds!!


	12. Souls Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ➥ Betrayal by two sides of a sword, all you have left is the hilt. The only thing holding you up anymore.
> 
> All you have hope in is the guiding light, waiting for you behind the counter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Trigger warning for drugging and unconsensual touches.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ Tonight you’re Sasha Braus.

The night was going swellingly well from the start. Being one from the first people there due to offering to help Jean prepare, she got to experience interactions with a bunch of people. She was also witness to said bunch of people going from completely sober to hammered drunk. There were the lightweights who got fucked up after two shots or off two drinks or so, and then the people who took four plus. 

What she had never experienced was [Name]’s situation. It was like one moment she was fine, and the next she could barely stand or keep her food down.

Something wasn’t right.

Sasha didn’t know her well enough, she was aware, but what if [Name] had alcohol poisoning or was unable to consume alcohol due to health reasons? She’d forever beat herself up if that was the case, and that was what it was looking like. 

After witnessing the girl she wanted to get close with lean over the side of the toilet and vomit whilst tears overflowed her eyelids, she knew she had to help more. But how? You can’t just take someone's pain away by soothingly rubbing their back and holding their hair behind their head. Sasha decided to entrust that to Bertolt, so she could go get medicine to at least somehow help the pain.

She wanted to be the heroin friend you needed.

Shoving anyone that was in her way, Sasha found herself in the kitchen, digging in the drawers and cabinets like a maniac. Many gave her dirty looks for leaving many of the drawers open and unattended, as well as how she climbed onto the tall counters to check the wall cabinets with no shame. 

“Jean?” She screamed over the music, before impatiently repeating herself again.

From around the corner he appeared, immediately rushing over, trying to shoo her off of the counter. Yet her white soled shoes stayed dead bolted onto the marble countertops, not caring much for getting dirt anywhere. If anything she rubbed the rubber bottoms against the expensive tops threateningly.

“What do you want?” He yelled.

“I need medication,” Sasha said, “My friend is super sick, I think she really needs some. Anything that helps with nausea will do.”

Jean faltered for a second, expecting a more severe question. A hand reached up into his hair and tousled at the long ends in thought, before nervously looking over his shoulder as if he was worried that he was missing out on something, “You sure they’re not just a bad drunk?”

“Jean, it takes like two seconds.”

He rolled his eyes, heaving a sigh, “There are some in the upper right cabinet near the fridge, but I can’t promise you there’s much, some weird fuckers rummaged through my shit earlier.”

Sasha gave an eager thumbs up, giving Jean her thanks before making her way over to that side of the kitchen. From behind her back, she heard Jean tch as she continued to keep her feet planted on the counters, but nonetheless turned around and left her to do her deeds without much more judgement. 

She wasn’t a short girl, that was for sure. But the unnecessary height difference between the counters and the cabinets made her decide to take the easy way out and use the countertops as a stool, much to most peoples' disgust. Though, thankfully due to her height, she was more than capable when up high to properly see the medication once she opened the cabinet Jean had guided her to. Unlike he had suggested, there was a natural supply inside.

Having experience with being so sickly intoxicated, surveying the options, she grabbed some Pamprin and a few Advils. Giving a little bit of human decency, she shut the cabinet, before hopping down and jogging back to the bathroom located on the first floor. In Sasha’s mind she imagined that [Name] would still be there, bent over the toilet with her head hung limply, with Bertolt soothing her tired for next to her. 

But the door was open when she approached. 

In fact, it had just opened when she slowed her jog. A man she didn’t really know, Marlowe Fruedenberg if she was correct, emerged just after the distant sound of the faucet stopping. Nearly jumping at the closeness of Sasha, he held up his arms in defense, “Woah, Braus, what’s up with you?”

She stuck her head past his shoulder, shoving Marlowe aside a bit, before leaning back out. The bathroom was deserted of either [Name] or Bertolt, the only thing of theirs left behind would be Bertolts cup. “Was there anyone here before you?” Sasha asked carefully, taking her own time to scan the nearby surroundings in case she saw Bertolt’s head above a crowd of people, as he was quite the tall guy.

“Uh, no. Bathroom was wide open, why?”

“Have you seen Bertolt? Or [Name] [Last Name]? Tall guy with black hair, you know him, and a girl wearing a black sweater with him?” Questioned Sasha, ignoring the question she was asked. For some reason, an uncomfortable feeling settled in her chest. Did he move her? Take her home? Or did Bertolt leave her here, and [Name] got up to stumble into someone else? Oh my God, Sasha knew a bunch of people but not everyone that was at the bonfire, what if someone...

No… [Name] was too messed up to even stand. She couldn’t have gotten up on her own and left, there was no way.

“Bertolt? No, I haven’t seen either of them, sorry.”

Panic bursted in Sasha’s abdomen, guilt swallowing her whole when she realized she had completely abandoned the two of them, specifically [Name]. Her job was to bring her medication to make her feel better, but she didn’t even know where her friend was to help her in the first place. What kind of friend was she; leaving [Name] all alone?

So she started her search. Deciding people would’ve seen Bertolt go upstairs with [Name] if he had, she sweeped the first floor. Shamelessly opening extra bedroom doors, interrupting intimate moments between people, or banging on the other bathroom doors, only to receive angered complaints back through the wall or horrified faces once they opened the door. Of course she wouldn’t have been in the kitchen, Sasha was just there, so that option was irrelevant. The dining room which was connected to the kitchen was a massacre of solo cups and a keg, very few people inside. No [Name] to be seen at all, nor’ Bertolt. 

It dawned on Sasha.

What if she had gone to Eren in her drunken state or something? Or fell in the lake? 

Perhaps she was simply overreacting, too alarmed and distrusting of Bertolt, which felt wrong since Sasha was alright friends with him. Yet he was still out of sight, so where could he be as well? When tapping on strangers shoulders, asking them if they had seen him or [Name], they would quip with a dismissive no. 

Inwardly groaning at her lack of responsibility as a friend, putting on her big girl boots, Sasha decided to go ask Eren. She knew exactly where he was, and the moment she stepped onto the great balcony facing the bonfire with the lake painted in the background, she spotted him immediately. Unknowing of the current predicament, he stood with a medium-sized group of people crowding around the bonfire, one hand casually put into his black sweatpants pocket and the other holding his own drink. He wore a gray t-shirt with his well-known golden key necklace draped around his neck, and had half of his hair pulled into a messy man bun. Eren Yeager dressed like the type of guy you’d simply gloss over due to how well he blended in, but everyone that knew him could easily pick him out from a crowd due to the demeanor he had, which fluctuated often yet was a lot of the time intimidating. Almost most people could agree he was quite attractive as well.

Sasha personally didn’t see him like that, though. If anything, in the friend group the two of them were in, she didn’t speak to him much. Sure, they were good friends, but sometimes the way he acted annoyed Sasha or scared her; especially in recent months

Which is exactly why she had to put on her ‘big girl boots’. 

Hopping her way down the creaky wooden steps, she jogged over to Eren, clasping a hand onto a broad shoulder the moment she was in arms length, shaking him a bit to catch his attention. He craned his neck, examining Sasha for a second with a questionable look, then proceeding to flicker his eyes down to the hand on him, “Do you need something?”

At first hesitant, her eyes peered behind Eren where his friends were speaking. All of them didn’t seem to notice Eren’s attention being diverged, except for one person. Mina Carolina, a sweet girl with black hair that was tied in red-ribboned pigtails watched with doe-ful eyes. When Sasha’s eyes met hers, she quickly looked away, embarrassed of the fact she was obviously digging her nose into something she probably shouldn’t be.

Sasha leaned in closer, looking away, “Have you seen [Name]?”

Eren faltered at that, doing a mental double-take at the uttering of her name. Gears seemed to turn in his head before he slowly shook it, “Not for a few days, why?”

A pained exhale left Sasha as she reached up into her hair to tug at her ponytail, “Man, I really thought she might’ve ran to you or something,” She whispered, before uttering a ‘this isn’t good’ under her breath.

“She’s here?”

“She came with Bertolt, he invited her,” Sasha explained, speaking with her hands, “But she got sick, really fucking fast. I left her with Bertolt to get something to help and now I can’t find either of them, I thought if he left she would’ve gone to you.”

A voice piqued up out of nowhere, “Bertolt?” Mina asked, before covering his mouth when she realized she was still digging into their conversation. Still, Sasha nodded as an answer, not really minding the interruption. “When I went to get my jacket from my car, his was still there. A gray Honda, right?”

“You’re kidding me,” Eren stated brazenly, spit nearly flying from his mouth, “That guy is freaky as hell, you left her with him, really?” A mocking laugh left him, like he was so surprised by the fact. The hand tucked into his pocket reached up and rubbed onto his chin, all the way to the side of his face, past his mouth in poorly hidden shock. There was something he knew that Sasha didn’t, but she still went for Bertolts defense.

“Bertolt isn’t like that but-”

“You seem super panicked for someone who trusts Bertolt then,” Spat Eren, shoving his drink into Sasha’s chest. Some of the liquid spilled over the top, yet nonetheless Sasha took the squeezed cup from his grasp. A bolder like shoulder pushed her aside as he hiked agiley up the terrain and up to the stairs again. In shock, Sasha reeled back at the outburst, realization settling in her heart. He was right, if there wasn’t something to be suspicious of, why did Sasha care so much? Finally dropping from her trance, she turned around and shoved the same drink into Mina’s grasp. Just as she was about to protest; Sasha ran after Eren, yelling.

“I checked all of the first floor, they’re not there.”

“You didn’t check upstairs?”

“No one saw them go up there,” She said, before realizing how stupid she sounded. What a dumb reason to simply not even check? Eren visibly rolled his eyes. Not scared to push people out of his way, he easily made a path for Sasha and him, going straight for the upstairs. 

“Last time,” He said slowly to Sasha as they trudged up the steps, who stood near enough to hear, “he touched her drink at Connie’s place, she got messed up before I even took her home.”

Her mouth fell open in shock.

“You don’t think?”

Eren nodded.

●●●●

And so there was limbo.

A space of darkness where you can walk, and breathe, and stretch your fingers out. Wiggling them in the stiff arena of a voided world, where there was no one but you. No sky, no light, no single hint of any breeze. You wouldn’t know if your eyes were open or closed, if you were facing east or west. The field of ebony was dead silent, like if a pin dropped the sound of impact would echo for hours. It’d ring for miles upon miles, it felt. But there was nothing. A vast space of emptiness where you currently lay frozen, neck stiff with sweat trickling down your feverish skin.

But you could hear the other world. Though you wouldn’t remember it, you could hear.

You could feel. Oh, you could feel.

The sickeningly soft caress of a hand pushing loose bangs stuck onto a wet forehead aside, then gliding down to cup a tear-stained cheek. Where the thumb would affectionately rub circles on the puffy flesh, yet also like the hand was experimenting with your body. The pressure of a hand against your limp head made it fall to the other side, farther away from his touch.

Your heart swelled at the thought that it was him. That it was Eren touching you so lovingly in your sleep, observing you like those nights where he’d do so for so long. And when you awoke, he’d encase your body with his as he leaned over you, kissing the tip of your nose. But you couldn’t wake up this time. 

We’re now Bertolt Hoover’s eyes.

He watched as your chest feverishly rose and fell, sweat sickly covering your neck and forehead. Even then, to him, you looked so beautiful. Like an angel being preserved, though it may be painful, it would be for the greater good. Retracting his hand back to his side, he leaned down closer to your unconscious form. One of his knees were bent onto the edge of the bed between both of your legs, while another hand was propped just next to your head so he could look at you from a far enough angle to fully see you.

“I never…” He started to speak breathlessly, tilting his head to the side to examine you furthermore, “I never thought I’d be given the chance to see you this close. And now that I am…”

A little stressed laugh left him after a beat of silence where he struggled to find the words to say, “...I can’t help but be a bit nervous. You make me so nervous, [Name].” Those words were uttered by a warmhearted smile as well as eyes that searched for anything in your blissfully blank face. As if they’d open and accept all he had done warmly, encasing him with your soft embrace without a second thought.

Of course there was no response back, though. This made Bertolt heave a slight sigh, a tad bit panicked, guiding his hand up to his forehead to rub against the wrinkled skin in thought. “It took three tries to finally get you alone like this, I had to go to such great lengths to finally have you alone, and I can’t believe I’m… regretting it now.”

“Maybe it’s because you can’t talk back. Or maybe it’s dawning on me that you won’t remember, and Sasha will,” The same hand finally pulled away from his face, ghosting down to your sweatshirt. Between two fingers, he pinched at the fabric, just slightly tugging on it as he continued his speech to your unknowing body, “The whole plan, actually, was to strip you and get into bed with you. Not fuck you, no, I couldn’t do that. But so that you’d wake up next to me, not knowing what happened that night, and maybe end up thinking we had a connection.”

Another worried laugh left him as he hunched closer, his head finding itself into the crook of your neck. The tip of his nose was cold, brushing against the prickly skin of yours that grew goosebumps involuntarily at the touch. Wet lips pressed themselves just below, just a faint touch, before a soft kiss was fluttered. Another followed, and another, leading themselves down your neck to where the collar of your sweater was.

With his fingers already rolled into the fabric of your sweater, he pulled on it downwards, so he could look at your collarbone. Where the skin wasn’t covered in fake, so that fading bruises that were once dark and horrifying were in his view.

Bertolt already knew that something was going on in your personal life. He didn’t see any of the inflictions himself, but the way you were so antsy that night at Connie’s home, he realized that the [Name] he once knew was a shell of her former self. More introverted than ever, eyes lacking the light they once held, with futile attempts to hide the pain due to just how tired you were. He wanted to fix you, the moment he did the double take when you walked past him.

In five months, you changed a lot.

He found out there were horrendous marks on you through Sasha’s blather mouth. Some friend she was to you, huh? Bertolt would never do that to you. Whilst he was keeping his interaction with your crying self between the three of you, Sasha delved into her sights with Annie and Hitch; who gave each other worrying glances from their bar seats. It was Bertolt who had to ask them in private to keep it on the down low. 

The two of them were nice girls, keeping it to themselves. At least, from what he knew there was no word flying around about what had happened.

Kisses feathered themselves onto the tender skin, pausing where the already pulled down collar was. He let go of the winded up fabric, taking the chance to touch your stomach again. A cold palm snaked under the thick black wool and laid itself idly onto you. A noise escaped your deadly form, like a croaked yelp that ended up being a low hum.

“You didn’t like that, did you?” He whispered in surprise, eyes snapping back up to your face, “I’m sorry. If I’m being honest, I haven’t thought this far.” His attempts to get close to you naturally had failed every single time; either by you brushing him aside as to being just kind, or being too delved into writing to ever respond to him. And now when he decided to take extra lengths, it took multiple times to finally have you in his grasp. But now, he wasn’t sure if he could contain himself with his original plan.

Bertolt wasn’t the type of guy to take advantage of a girl.

Well. That is untrue, as he is doing just that. But sexually…

A struggling groan escaped past his lips as his thoughts clouded in his mind. The other hand pressed onto the blanket next to your head lifted and placed itself onto your knee. It hooked under so he could bend a tad, before letting the hand slide down your hiked up thigh easily. The skirt you wore was bunched up in the process, being lifted up with careful shame. The fading bruises littering your thighs as well were now in his view as well.

He thumbed at the dark brown and yellowing marks, pressing lightly against the tender flesh. He eyed your unresponsive body, exhaling shakily at the access he was given.

Carefully he took a handful of the skirt, tugging it downward so that it could be slipped off. It struggled to slide down the fat of your thighs, so a quiet yet noticeable ripping noise of a few stitches from the hem were heard. He cringed, yet finally stripped you of the item of clothing.

“It’ll all make sense tomorrow, okay? It’ll work out....”

Bertolt’s words trailed off at the sound of footsteps approaching. It felt like slow motion. Before he could even take the chance to pull your skirt back onto you, the creaking of the doorknob informed him of his impending doom. He didn’t dare turn his head as a gust entered the hot room, the door slowing as it swung open.

A pair of eyes were on his back, he could feel it.

“What are you doing?”

A voice not too deep, yet still intimidating resonated from behind. Familiar, as well. The same voice that uttered to Bertolt in the hallway of Connie’s home that they’d take his drink to bring to [Name], the same voice that had uttered things to her in the basement. The voice of Eren Yeager, the man assumed to be her ex. Someone who Bertolt himself wasn’t close to; but he still felt a sting in his chest as the fact it was Eren who caught him. 

“I said, what are you doing?”

Bertolt took a careful step back, hands up from your body in surrender, “It isn’t what it looks like.” He said slowly, turning around on his heels so he could face Eren.

A loud crack met him instead.

A stuffy pressure filled Bertolt’s nose, like it was suddenly stuffed with cotton balls. The inside stung, not painfully but buzzed like millions of bees had inserted their stingers into him. A familiar wetness pooled right away. He was unable to sniff it away.

Eren Yeager grabbed the stunned boy by his shoulders, shoving him to the ground in a colossal thump. Instantaneously, with the access he was given, Eren reeled back a foot and rammed it into Bertolt’s stomach. A disgusting squelch came from Bertolt as he rolled into himself, trying to flip onto his side so he could stand up again. But instead, Eren knocked him back onto his back with another furious kick to the rubs. 

The look on his face was an alarming one. Like murderers. Anger flamed in his eyes passionately, but his face was dead. A prominent vain stuck out of his neck from the underside view Bertolt had.

Instead of landing another kick, Eren clambered on top of Bertolt instantaneously, grabbing him with one hand by the collar while a fist reeled back to meet with his face again. This time it fit perfectly into his eye sock. Another pained groan came from Bertolt. A sickening crack snapped in the room again when a bloody fist met with his broken nose again, where blood continued to gush like a river. As his head whipped to the side in a painful whiplash, bloody spit involuntarily flew out.

With no mercy, Eren let go of his collar, cycling punches between each fist in blinded rage. He hadn’t even heard Sasha’s calling for him, blindingly entering inside the chaos room without notice.

“I’m going to kill you,” He finally exclaimed, landing another messy blow.

It wasn’t till Sasha’s scream that Eren finally looked at the mess he made below him. Bertolt had long since given up on fighting back, blood caking the lower half of his face as well as painting Eren’s knuckles which were tingling due to new-forming bruises as well. The skin on the boy's face was red, flaming in some areas, while his right eye had already begun to go shadow black. 

A tooth was scattered close to the scene.

Sasha clasped a hand over her mouth, backing up into the door. Surveying the scene, she saw your half naked body limp on the bed, and ran her way over to you. She nearly tripped on the skirt strewn aside, collapsing over you to scoop you into her arms. Your head lolled sleepily to the side, eyelids heavy in a daze. A reassuring hand cupped your head as she supported your neck, ushering soft yet shaky comforting words towards you.

Eren finally stumbled to a stand off of Bertolt.

A final kick was planted into the same side as before, this time more defeated than the first few. Like the realization that something could’ve happened to you before Eren had arrived, or that something may have actually happened to you, dawned on him. 

He looked over his shoulder at Sasha, who held you close. Her eyes were wide and wild, obviously afraid and unsure of what to think. Just like you, she had been betrayed by someone she thought of as a friend. The redness of her face was well seen from where Eren stood. 

“What-” Swallowed Sasha, nudging her head in the direction of Bertolt who had either passed out or was on the verge of, “-What are we going to do with him?”

“Leave him,” Spat Eren.

“What if someone finds him?”

“Let them,” He said, finally approaching the two of you. Unreadable eyes examined you in your drugged sleep, where your eyes twitched under cloudy lids and mouth was open with drool falling from the side. A pang grew in his chest. “Maybe he’ll bleed out.”

“Eren…”

“I’m taking her home now.”

Sasha pulled you closer into her chest, protectively wrapping her arms closer around your face while she looked up at him. She didn't trust him, not after what she had concluded after connecting all the dots. The way [Name] reacted at the sight of Eren, how after Eren took her home the two of them had become messed up by fake stories they made up. And now with the news that Bertolt would've done such a heinous act, she didn't trust any man with her friend anymore. She didn't want to leave you alone anymore.

“Then I’m coming with you.”

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ Thank you all so much for the support on Human Band-Aid. Literally, I am in so much shock, but constantly cheesing due to the amount of love it has gotten. Thank you for the kudos and for the comments, I genuinely read them all.
> 
> I enjoy reading the theories and seeing threads about peoples opinions on what is to happen. Also, if you ever have any questions about anything? Feel free to ask on my Tumblr, which is stated on my profile. Also that's where I state if I may or may not have a delay with an update (like this one, it took longer than expected). I also have a twitter now, too! 
> 
> I’d like to quickly add, there seems to have been a misconception! There wasn’t only one ‘blue solo cup’ at the party, they were obviously in packs, so I don’t think that Sasha nor’ the reader could’ve been suspicious of him! He did it for differentiation, and a play to ‘flirt’ which Sasha believed, Bert had to have two different colors.
> 
> Have a wonderful day, I love you all!


	13. Home Sweet Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ The closest we’ll get to a beach episode is the bathtub.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ What could’ve been days felt like a long hour to your muddy brain. 

To you, the events that had taken place since that night were practically immemorial. In the moment your heavy lids would suddenly pull themselves open, and you’d be met with a different area with fuzzy figures surrounding you with a too bright light nearby, yet without much energy you’d fall back into a deep sleep. That cycle repeated for the past two days.

At one point, you were throwing up in a toilet. Another, you were in the back of someone's car. Then, you were in the hospital; and now you were in someone's bed, hidden under multiple blankets with a wet towel pressed against your forehead.

You must’ve at least been awake for a longer period of time to be able to have been discharged, though. The pain killers you were given made you even higher than you were already, so you didn’t exactly remember the hospital either. Unknowing to current you, a few tests were done by extremely concerned doctors, and it turned out you had a concussion from the impact the time your head met the side of your end table, which explained the excruciating pain you felt the following days.

The reason you were even taken to the hospital was because of the nausea you had from the concussion. In the backseat of Eren’s Jeep, Sasha had you laid out on your side in an attempt to make you comfortable, with the back of your head in her lap. Her fingers were brushing gently through stray locks of hair in a way to comfort your unknowing mind, but in the midst of it, your body lurched and vomit emitted through your throat. Being on your back, you had momentarily choked, completely freaking out both Sasha and Eren. The poor guy nearly swerved off the road when Sasha started to exclaim profanities and ‘It’ll be okay’ over, and over again.

They had collectively decided to take a u-turn to the hospital instead of Eren’s apartment after that. For once, Eren cared less about the mess in his car.

The feeling of finally internalizing the fact you were now awake, groggy as ever with a dry throat was unfamiliar and dazy. It was almost like clouds parting after a storm, the air still thick with fog that stuck to your skin. 

Heavy blankets covering you from the neck down made any movement feel like slow motion. A pitiful moan, a bit frustrated and confused by the lack of mobility, came out of your mouth shortly after struggling. A clear picture started to sweep your vision as the thick of sleepiness wafted off of your eyelashes, making you realize you weren’t in your room.

Forcing yourself into as much as an upright sit as you could, which was you propping your head against the headboard, you analyzed the scenery even with a pounding headache.

The walls were white, the floors wooden without many items messily littered around. There was a laundry hamper filled with clothes in front of an open closet that looked moderately clean from the outside, filled to the brim with an assortment of t-shirts and hoodies. Workbooks were scattered on the floor, a few propped up against a backpack which leaned against a desk that held a PC setup. An abundance of water bottles took up the space around the keyboard and mouse, as well as two empty packs of cigarettes and a discarded lanyard. 

A tall frameless mirror was leaned against the far wall to your left, next to a window that had the blinds closed as well as the blackout curtains. The tiny, tiny rays of light peeking from the sides were all you had to see well in the room. From what you could see in the reflection, you could tell your hair was a sticky and matted mess, and that your face looked like death. Yet your eyes couldn’t focus that hard yet.

As you peered at the posters randomly taped up onto the walls, you had already come to the realization you were in Eren Yeagers room. But where was he?

Opening your mouth to speak, all that came out was a dry croak that barely even formed a vowel. The sandy feeling in your throat had you grunting aggressively to try and separate whatever was built up inside. Sleeping in for two days without water had properly taken a toll on your body.

The stuffiness in the room made the feeling any less bearable. With the bedroom door locked, not letting in any fresh air, and with the window completely closed, you felt like you were an overheating hot dog at a gas station. 

The imagery of food made your stomach grumble hungrily, while your brain drifted off into wishing the air conditioning was on so at least there’d be better cooling. But you couldn’t complain much, a freshly wet towel was pressed onto your forehead. 

You wouldn’t mind if someone dropped a bucket of ice on you currently, but the towel would do.

By straining stiff muscles, your behind slowly shimmied out from under the mountainous blankets. It wasn’t till you folded your legs into your chest so you could throw them over the side of the bed when you noticed… you weren’t wearing the same clothes as you last remembered. The lower half of your body was completely bare other than a pair of red plaid boxers, which were covered by a long band t-shirt that covered your upper half.

It distinctly smelled of Eren’s cologne. Bunching up the collar in your fingers, you brought the brown fabric to your nose, inhaling the familiar scent. 

“Eren…?” You called out faintly in the empty room, not used to speaking. 

There was no response from outside of the bedroom. You heaved an anxious sigh, deciding to scoot further till the bottoms of your feet touched the cold hardwood of Eren’s floor. The electricity zipping up your lower body was satisfying to it’s once overheated feeling. Putting pressure on the soles of your feet was excruciatingly hard, you found out. The moment you tried to stand up, like jello, your legs started to wobble at their sudden use. At an attempt to save yourself from falling, you grabbed at the edge of the bed whilst your legs folded themselves.

The towel that was once plastered to your forehead fell off.

Using the edge of the bed as leverage once again, you pushed your upper body against the palms of your hands, bringing you into a hunched stand. Bent knees face inward as you’d move on palm over another to slowly move around the bed.

Nearing the foot of the bed, which was directly across from the nearby entrance, you could hear an audible murmur of voices. But with the shut door, one wouldn’t be able to tell what the other was saying. 

You furrowed your brows as you attempted to shuffle away from the bed without any leverage. Frustration bubbled in your chest at how slow you were moving, in an attempt to move without falling, yet also to not make any noise. When nearing the entry door, you leaned an arm against a wall which was next to it, which made a small makeshift corridor. 

The cool touch of the white door being pressed against one of your ears, as well as a cheek sent shivers down your neck. The hairs stuck up anxiously, wanting more. You’d want to press your forehead against it as well, but you couldn’t help but be a bit curious as to what was going on whilst you were in deep sleep.

Even with less distance, the voices were still a bit muffled. Yet even through the door, you could now tell it was Mikasa Ackerman and Eren Yeager speaking to one another. A distant clinking of dishes could be heard as well.

“But how long are you going to keep this up?”

“What do you mean?” Asked Eren.

“You know exactly what I mean,” Mikasa said lowly, “How long are you going to hurt that girl, bring her back, and then hurt her again?”

A surprised, short laugh emitted from Eren, not believing what he was hearing. “You’re acting like I’m the one that tried to drug her multiple times, why are you bringing that up now?”

“You care for her one moment, then drop her the next,” She explained without much interest in how she easily pissed him off, knowing he wouldn’t do a damn thing but argue with her. “You saved her, and are caring for her, but are you going to switch up again?”

The dishes stopped clattering in the background, where a third voice was heard, “Mikasa…”

“Armin, you know it too,” Mikasa continued without a beat, words sharp like the blade of a sword, “This can only go on for so long. You need to decide if you’re going to be there for her, or leave. It’s almost like you’re a bad luck charm.”

“Do you think I’m not aware?” Eren piqued, not letting her words settle in silence. 

“I think you are. I think you are, and are guilty,” She said cooly. The sound of a cup being set on the coffee table could be heard. As did the sound of shuffling footsteps in addition to keys clinking together, “Don’t think I didn’t see your face when the doctor asked how she got her concussion, the fucking scar on her head. You gave her that concussion, Eren, we all know it deep down. The lady even asked us in private about it. Really, genuinely, how are you going to fix what you have done?”

Without giving him a chance to respond, the front door was shut, and then locked.

That silence that was needed earlier finally settled in the emptiness that Mikasa left in her steed. In your mind, you could imagine Eren standing in the same exact spot behind the couch where she had sat, staring down at the coffee cup left behind. In the background, Armin watches from a distance, unsure if it would be okay to continue with the dishes.

You couldn’t deny that her words sat heavy in your heart. 

Absentmindedly, the hand limp at your side found itself pushing the hair above the scar aside, letting the palm caress the rigid line that was still fresh. 

Huh.

●●●●

Eren found you slumped against the door when he went back to his room to check on you. He scooped up your half awake form and carried you back to bed, despite your incoherent disagreements to be anywhere but in bed. Oddly enough, the moment your head hit the untouched pillow on Eren’s side of the bed, you went right back to sleep. Thankfully, the thick blankets weren’t thrown over you again.

You woke up again into the early night, a new towel on your forehead.

This time, there was an apparent weight next to you in the bed. As well as a smell, like faint cigarettes smoked during your sleep that still stuck onto skin even after changing clothes. 

Cracking your lids open, and craning your head to the side, you were faced with Eren on his stomach. He was without a shirt now, only wearing a pair of shorts. Broad, muscular shoulders were flexed as he had his arms wrapped around a pillow in front of him, yet his untied long hair lay on his neck and bunched over onto the pillow collecting around his head. His chin was rested on the plush item, hands in front holding his phone so he could watch something comfortably. You’re pretty sure he was watching a baseball game from the noises you heard, though the volume was quite low, you assume in an attempt to not wake you.

There was only one light on in the room, a whiter tone compared to the yellow tone lights you had in your own apartment. It was the lamp on the end-stand next to him that was still on, shining down onto the crown of his head. The light from his phone also shined onto his concentrated expression, lips pursed tightly so he didn’t exclaim any support which would awaken you. 

The sound of the blanket under him shifting, as it was shared with you, caught his attention. You had rolled onto your side so you could watch him better, eyes still blurry with sleep. 

Eren set down his phone, pausing the live stream so he could face you as well.

“You okay?”

In response, you leaned forward so you could press your forehead against his bicep closest to you, which was still outstretched in front of him. He carefully propped himself up onto his elbows, looking down at you in silent understanding.

“Does your heart hurt?”

With your face still hidden, you nodded.

“‘M hungry.”

Almost comical, your stomach growled beneath the covers, as if enforcing how starving you were. Green eyes flickered downwards to the covered section of your body.

“Do you want me to bring you something?”

“I smell.”

“Like a hospital, sure,” Eren said slowly, unsure if he should be completely honest before furrowing his eyebrows at you, “I’ll bring you something.”

“Bath.”

Lifting your head off of his warm skin, you looked up at him, the both of your noses nearly touching. You wondered what he saw right now. Probably a complete mess, but he was staring down at you still without a single ounce of disgust at what a corpse you were. He opened his mouth momentarily, before closing them in thought.

“After you eat,” He finally decided, “But I have to help you.”

You nodded, agreeing with silence. At that, Eren twisted off of his side so he could sit up and slide off the bed to go get you something to eat. Watching him open the bedroom door and disappear into the living room, you let your head flop down onto the pillow he was just using. Unintentionally, you inhaled that same scent as before, this time his pillow smelling more like his body wash and shampoo than the cigarette smoke stuck to his shirt.

Without much care, you wrapped your arms around the pillow, pulling it closer to your face so you could nuzzle the newley cold side. 

Peering over to the clock hung up by the door, you noticed it was around ten at night. A shaky sigh left you, feeling a bit bad for asking for a lot right now. But with the way your stomach was rumbling and how much sleep you already had, you knew you’d have to at least eat before even moderately laying down again.

You wondered if Mikasa or Armin were awake at this hour, or even home. Did they mind that you were staying with Eren?

...Why were you even staying with Eren?

The thought didn’t even occur to you during the time you were awake. What the hell were you even doing in Eren’s apartment? Did the two of you hook up? You didn’t remember. Now that you think of it, you couldn’t remember much.

As Eren came back into the room with a bed table that had a bowl on it along with a glass of water, as well as a pill for your headache rolling on top of the wooden table, you questioned him. 

“Why am I here?”

He hesitated at the door frame, before continuing his path to your side of the bed. You rolled off of the pillow Eren was using so you could sit upwards, letting him put either of the legs next to yours so the table was in front of you. He had served you fresh oatmeal with a few fruits sprinkled on the top, like sliced banana and blueberries. Your gaze barely even stuck on the food, eyes still on Eren, awaiting an answer.

“Eat a little and then take your pill.”

“I don’t…” You hesitated, picking up the spoon before looking down at the oatmeal, ashamed. “I don’t remember how I got here.”

Eren became silent at that. 

“Did we hook up when I was drunk or something?”

“No,” He said stiffly, going back around to his side of the bed. Making himself comfortable, he joined you under the cover, pulling them up to his waist. Laying on his side, he reached over his head to get his phone, “You have a concussion, you’ve been on pain meds.” 

“I heard Mikasa earlier,” You added softly, not baring to look at him, “But how did you even find out? I don’t understand.”

“During Jean’s party you kept getting sick, so Sasha and I took you to the hospital,” He quipped, pulling his phone into view. Using one of the table legs to his own advantage, he propped the back of his phone against it, unlocking it so he could continue watching the baseball game where he paused it before.

Observing his face, you felt like he was lying. Leaving something out that was important. 

“Okay,” You murmured, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Eren shook his head, “It’s nothing.”

“No, really,” You ushered, picking at the oatmeal in front of you, wondering if it’d be appropriate if you scarf it all down now during a serious discussion. “Do you know where my phone is? So I can tell Sasha thank you.”

“You shouldn’t be looking at screens when you have a concussion,” He pointed out, tearing his gaze from his phone, “Maybe later. I can text her for you, if you want.”

“I’d want to do it myself,” With that, you took a bite of the oatmeal. It was good, you wouldn’t lie, for something that was made so quickly. After the bite, you swallowed the pill with a gulp of water, before continuing to eat while Eren watched his baseball game. He had gone from being propped up on one elbow while watching to dropping it to lay his head on his arm, watching from behind a few strands of hair that fell over his face.

You couldn’t help but reach over and brush the pieces behind his ear that faced upwards. He looked up at you when your fingers stilled on his head, palm carefully resting on the side of his head so a thumb could circle on his scalp soothingly. 

“Sorry I can’t watch with you,” You joked. Never before did you understand any of the sports he watched, nor’ anything he talked about from work, as he worked as a gym trainer. But you still would watch him work out, or watch any sport with him just to be there with him. Eren snorted at your comment, rolling those beautiful eyes of his.

“Shut up.”

Despite those words usually having ill-intent, you smiled coyly. 

“I think I’ll be able to shower myself,” You said suddenly, dropping your hand from his head, “Or I’ll just sit in the tub and wash my hair with a cup, if you have one.”

Eren made a face, “You could barely stand earlier. And your arm is shaking holding a spoon of oatmeal.” At that, you looked down at your wrist, noticing how it sharply would move up and down, side to side. You set the spoon down inside the cup with a clink.

“Do you have any good shampoo and conditioner?”

“I don’t think you’ve ever had an issue smelling like me.”

A small ‘oh’ came from you, before you shamefully agreed with a nod. Eren flopped onto his back as he was satisfied with your response, grabbing his phone with both hands and holding it in front of him that way, leaving the tab that had the baseball game so he could scroll through social media instead.

“Have you started smoking again?” You asked meekly, pushing the silver end of the spoon around aimlessly with your pointer finger. 

Eren paused, craning his head to sniff his shoulder.

“I have. Do I smell like it?”

“No,” You said, before being truthful about it with a reassuring yet sad smile, “Maybe only a little bit.” At that, Eren checked your face to see if he could read your opinion from your facial expression, in case you were disgusted or ashamed visually. Instead he was met with that goddamn smile.

“Also I can see the packs on your desk. If you wanted to keep it a secret, you should probably hide those.”

That’s where that conversation ended. It seemed neither of you wanted to push on it, so you continued to eat your oatmeal and drink your water to quench both your hunger and thirst, while Eren stayed on his phone doing anything but forcing an uncomfortable conversation with you.

His issue with smoking stemmed a few months before Carla’s death. It was when Grisha, Eren’s father, had finally aired out his dirty laundry to Eren about their family history, and how Eren had a half-brother. The fact his father had this whole second family that he never knew about sent Eren into a fit. When Carla died, the smoking got worse. You thought he quit after the two of you broke up, when you had found freshly full packs in his kitchen trash can, but you suppose things can change anytime.

Of course you didn’t like him smoking as it affected his health greatly. But faded scars from cigarette burns on the top of your hand, yet mostly on your hip bones as well as one on your shoulder were the main reason. Sometimes during sex he’d burn you with one, it got him off, but most of the time he’d do it during fits of anger. 

“I like hurting you,” He once said into your ear as he pounded you from behind, just after making you squirm and cry out in agony by burning his cigarette out onto you.

The memories made you nervously look back at Eren when eating. He was still busy with his phone.

●●●●

With an arm wrapped around your waist, along with your own thrown around Eren’s neck, he helped you to the bathroom with slow steps so you could keep up. 

The rest of the apartment, like the living room and the kitchen in the background, were completely dark except for one or two side lamps that were on. When you asked Eren if it’d be okay to bathe this late as it’d probably make noise, he assured you that both Armin and Mikasa had left the house for their own errands.

He also called you stupid for thinking that either of them would care. 

Sitting you onto the toilet, he went to the tub to start it. The idea that he was going to bathe you had fully dawned on you, and you couldn’t help but be a bit nervous. Your fingers hesitantly tugged on his shirt, yet still pulled it up and off. Deciding to still cover up, you put the fabric against your chest as you watched Eren.

Turning his head to look at you, he almost laughed, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, you know.”

“I-“ His words hit you like a truck, making you flustered, “But you’re washing me.”

“Aren’t you the same person who shaved my-“

“Okay!” You exclaimed, dropping the shirt, “Okay, I get it.”

The two of you shared quiet, warm laughs at the silly memory, Eren shaking his head as he looked away. Back at the tub which had filled just enough for your comfort yet also enough for him to get your hair. That same warmth bursted in your stomach when you realized it was the first time in a while that you felt so comfortable with Eren, actually smiling and laughing like you’d once before. The smile slowly left your face at the realization at how rare the occasion was.

From where you sat, you lifted your behind so you could pull down the boxers you were gifted, setting them on the floor along with the shirt.

“I have an extensive routine,” You reminded, “Shampoo twice and then-”

“We’ve showered together before,” He replied dully, “I know.”

Once again, you shut your mouth when interrupted. Without much of a warning, he stood up to swoop an arm around you, helping you over to the tub. You raised your legs so you could step inside, instantly shivering at the newfound warmth pooling around you ankles. Eren helped you guide yourself down into sit, letting you curl your legs into your chest.

“I should just spray you with a hose,” Heaved Eren, getting on his knees on the outside of the tub. He tugged the hair-tie around his wrist off and pulled it into his hair to pull it into a messy low bun.

“Maybe that’ll wake me up more.”

Just after saying that, a pitcher of water was poured right over your head without any caution. You inhaled a sharp breath, eyes shutting to keep water from stinging them. A small exclamation of his name left your lips, which made Eren snort.

“Did that wake you up?” He said slyly, leaning down to your ear. Your back was facing him, but you knew there was an impish grin on his face without even seeing him, which only made you frustrated. Instead of giving him a full response, you gave a limp nod in an attempt to make him feel guilty.

It didn’t seem to work, since he poured another right over the crown of your head. You wiped the water from your face, looking over your shoulder.

“Start shampooing or I’ll do it myself.”

“Would you let me watch?”

“No...”

He inched closer to your face, observing your flickering eyes, soon after looking down at your lips without much care to how obvious he was. With a low tone, he said, “Did you just say no to me?”

Your own gaze looked at his lips, which were in the open, accepting of a kiss. But instead, flustered yet perhaps a bit afraid as well, you turned back around. Reaching for the shampoo, and holding it above your head in an attempt to hand it back to Eren without looking at him.

There was a still silence as he settled in the rejection, stiffly grabbing the bottle from your shaking grip. A squelching plop sounded as he squeezed the formula into his palm, snapping the lid shut, then rubbing it between both hands.

He placed both hands on your hair, soothingly rubbing his hands in circles on the surface, before digging his fingers deeper into your hair to reach the roots against your scalp. Studs started to form due to the cycle his hands continued, bubbles crackling above your ears. Due to how messy your hair had become, and the fact you forgot to try and detangle it before showering, his fingers kept getting caught in knots.

Without much care for your hair, or the pain, he ripped right through them. Your neck would sharply snap backwards, jerking your head closer to him, making you wince at every rip.

“Be gentle…” You said shakily, eyes stinging. Either by the shampoo nearly running down into your eyes, or by how aggressive he was.

Dropping both hands from your hair, he reached one singular one up and grabbed a fist-full into it, fully hauling you backward into him. Your hands clumsily reached around you to try and stop yourself from sliding downwards, grasping onto his wrist and the other sliding its palm against the bottom of the tub. 

“You’re being a bit ungrateful,” He tutted lowely. 

Alarmed, wild eyes searched him, which peered at you from above with hidden mischief that led you to believe he was actually mad. A weak ‘I’m sorry’ uttered from your lips.

A wet kiss pressed itself onto your temple, completely letting go of your hair so you could sit up once again.

“That’s my good girl.”

Much to Eren’s pleasure, a noticeable shiver ran down your body at the praise.

He continued to shampoo your hair for the new few minutes, rinsing after one round and doing it all over again. Now without as many knots, it was a bit relaxing as he scratched at your scalp, making you close your eyes in comfortable bliss. Deciding to help him out, you had grabbed the conditioner with your eyes closed, handing it back to him.

Eren rinsed your hair again, squirting the conditioner into his palm before running it through your ends like he had learned before.

Opening your eyes as he applied it, you grabbed for his body wash, particularly happy he wasn’t the type of guy to use three in one. While he did your hair, you squeezed the thick liquid onto a spare rag, starting to scrub your shoulders to quicken the process. 

In the silence you began to hum softly.

Hands lost in your hair finally left the conditioner to sit, finding themselves rubbing soapy studs all over your back as you took care of your front. Goosebumps rose on your skin as they lowered past your waist, down to your hips where they stilled for a moment.

A hushed ‘Eren’ exhaled from you when arms slowly snaked against your cold, wet skin.

“You’re going to get wet too…”

Nudging your hair aside with his chin, he buried his face into the soapy side of your neck without much care anymore. A mouth connected with the side of your neck, before pearly teeth began to rake against the soft skin and pausing against where bruises had begun to fade. A kiss plastered itself against the wetness, before biting down into the tenderness.

You gasped softly, craning your neck to the side for better access. 

One hand began to lower itself down your stomach, sending butterflies in your stomach and between your legs. Your chest shakily rose as kisses began to pepper themselves up your jaw, a free hand leaving the water and grasping his shoulder from behind.

“You’re mine, right?”

“Wha?” You murmured through bliss.

“You’re mine,” He said roughly, hand aggressively grasping the thick of one of your thighs, digging his nails into the skin threateningly, “Say it.”

“I-I’m yours,” You exhaled, “No one elses.”

“You’re a dirty slut.”

“Why’re you-”

“Say it.”

You twist your head to the side, looking at him a bit confused, unsure as to why he was ruining the heated moment the two of you were sharing. Much to your surprise, your eyes were met with a dangerously dark expression in Eren’s eyes, making you realize he wasn’t playing around.

“I’m your dirty slut...” You said, yet a bit hesitant by the visible mood change.

‘Yeah you are,’ He had murmured under his breath, before suddenly grabbing you by the back of your neck and twisting your head downwards, forcing you under the soapy water. 

Instantly, fearful hands started to reach around for anything to grasp onto to pull yourself out of the water. Yet a strong grip held you under, bubbles bursting up to the surface from your blubbering, yet muffled mouth. 

You gasped for air sharply as he lessened his grip, letting you come back up for air, before pushing you back down into the water.

“E-Eren,” You sobbed out in mercy when he pulled you back up, eyelashes heavy with soapy water and nose running uncomfortably. You couldn’t see, but you felt his arms wrap around you again, pulling your slippery body back into his chest.

Gingerly, a kiss pressed itself onto the crown of your cloudy head.

“I had to wash him out of you.”

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ I'm so sorry for the late update, a second one in a row. Thank you all for the support! It means so, so much, you don't even know. Especially on Tumblr as well!
> 
> I'm sorry for any mistakes this chapter for any early readers, I haven't had time to edit anything yet!


	14. For I Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ But in the end, I’ll crawl back.
> 
> From behind I’ll strip down to my adhesive, and lay myself onto you once again, for I am just a human band-aid.
> 
> I’ll love you. I’ll be hurt by you. But I’m still going to try and patch you up all over again.

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
➥ It was early the next morning when you arose from under the covers, body completely bare against the fresh cold dew of a fall morning seeping through the window cracks.

The blanket fell from atop your naked chest, pooling around your waist and hidden arms. Most of the blanket was crowding your side of the bed, leaving Eren’s nearly stark naked body bare to the surrounding air. He was simply clad in a pair of black boxer briefs that he slipped on after the rendezvous, muscular back flexed to your view, beautifully and intricately shaped. If you touched him, you wonder if he’d disappear, as you always were confused as you had caught yourself such a visual gem.

Perhaps it’d be best if you were a King Midas, forever entrapping him in gold with a singular touch to preserve just another blissful moment. As if what happened that night didn’t happen. 

But how were you to forget the choking panic you felt as your head was dunked underwater repeatedly, nails scratching deep into the predator's skin in any type of defense?

You leaned a bit over to peer at Eren’s face. His eyelids were fluttered shut, breathing slow in what looked like deep sleep. You couldn’t lie, he looked so beautiful in his slumber, with his hair still messily tied into a low bun and face perfectly relaxed.

And so those eyes suddenly fluttered open, green clashing your own hue.

“Good morning,” You whispered, flinching at how awake he was. He must’ve been trying to get back to sleep when you woke up. The blissful look on his face had deceived you, ending up with him catching you staring at him.

He groaned something in response, mouth hidden in the thick of his pillow. Heavy lids shut themselves once again, yet an arm grew itself out of the thick of the blanket and found itself snaking around your twisted waist. The touch had you flinch again, edging away from him in fresh fear, yet still found yourself wounded up in his grasp.

“I want to get up,” You ushered in a soft tone, reaching a hand into his hair. To the usual Eren, he would’ve picked up at the slight urgency in your words, but morning him didn’t seem to notice at all. Not even an ounce of offense.

He twisted his head to the side, revealing his mouth. Using his arm around you as a grappling hook, he tugged himself closer to your skin, kissing your side and down to your bottom which sent butterflies into your stomach. The way the cool cartilage tip of his nose ghosted along the freshly washed skin made you shiver. 

“Really,” You repeated, “I’m going to pee myself.”

You heard another groan, sounding like ‘nevermind’ before the arm loosened around your body. Carefully, you inched out of the bed when finally given the chance, instantly heading for Eren’s closet to put on something appropriate in case Armin or Mikasa were home. You weren’t sure as you fell asleep once again, and though it was early in the morning, you still wanted to be safe.

“Come back when you’re done.”

His croaky morning voice called out as he shifted his head on the pillow, trying to get comfortable again. The depth made your heart flutter, but inside you knew it was wrong to be happy he wanted you around. To still find his advances attractive even after all he had put you through.

You always come back anyways.

Exhaling briskly in response, the first thing your fingers brushed against in his closet was another large shirt, this time a simple gray long sleeve which you pulled over your head with aching muscles. Bending over, you picked up the shorts Eren had worn that night, pulling them on and tightening the waistband to fit you comfortably. They had been discarded completely when the two of you came back from the bath.

Speaking of coming back from the bath. Eren had promised you a chance to speak to Sasha after, if you recalled correctly. Due to the events that had happened, you didn’t get the chance to, and completely forgot. 

Peering back at him, you noticed he was in the same exact position, with his arm not even retracted from where you left it. From there your eyes sweeped the room curiously, as now that you were fully awake in comparison to last night, so maybe you’d catch the eye of your phone somewhere in the morning light. 

You knew you shouldn’t look at any screens as it wouldn’t help with your concussion in the slightest, and you never really had the need to look at your phone due to lack of a social life anyways, but you really felt the need to speak to Sasha. Maybe to thank her, or maybe to interrogate her.

A bit antsy, you decidedly left instead of scavenging. Even if he was groggy with sleep, you didn’t want to bother Eren, and maybe even piss him off for searching his room.

Plus maybe he’d get the wrong idea and shatter your phone again.

The memory of the first time he had done so flashed in your mind momentarily. It was just after the first time Carla Yeager had been admitted to the hospital. Eren had gone to a party without even telling you, and didn’t come back till the next morning. You had to find out Carla was admitted through Armin, which broke your heart even more. When Eren crawled into bed with you, you promptly ignored him by staring at your phone, to which the fight began.

“What’s your problem?” He had finally snapped.

One thing led to another, Eren finding himself on his feet while you had then sat up on the bed in instinctual defense. He had started to accuse you of texting other guys and getting ‘tired of him.’ With his wingspan, he easily grabbed your phone when you refused to give it to him, and in an instant he threw it. You remembered the whizz of it just brushing past your still-shocked head, before slamming into the wall, leaving a horrible dent which ended up being covered by a painting. When you went to pick it up once the heat had died down when Eren fell asleep, you found out the screen was shattered with multiple dead screen cells along with green lines all over.

The wall didn’t get fixed till the two of you moved out after the break up. You had to pay for it.

Yeah. You’d look for your phone later.

The door closed behind you softly in an attempt to let Eren sleep soundly. Tip-toeing to the bathroom, you paused idly when the light flickered on. A towel was thrown in front of the bathtub, which neither Eren nor’ you had left before.

“Next time you make a mess, clean after yourselves.”

You looked behind you to see a messy-headed Mikasa. Her bangs were pushed to the side and she was adorning casual clothing, which was a pair of baggy sweatpants as well as a sports bra, leaving her toned upper-body completely in view. A little bit of sweat could be seen glistening on her forehead, so it was safe to assume she had just finished working out.

You smiled sheepishly, “I’m sorry.”

“You’re good, [Name].”

With that, she silently walked out of her bedroom doorway which was just across from the bathrooms, and made her way to the kitchen. A bit embarrassed, you pushed the door shut, locking it. There was no reason to lock it, but for some reason whenever Eren was around, you felt compelled to. 

Back when your relationship was normal and lived together, he’d always walk into the bathroom without any warning, no matter what you were doing. Even if you were putting a tampon in, or ripping a pad, or even in the shower, he’d share no disgust and start talking to you or get into the shower also. Sometimes he’d even come in without any word and pee, before washing his hands and leaving without any extra peep. It was sort of funny, but at first it was for sure uncomfortable, especially when sometimes a person just wants peace in the privacy of their own bathroom.

The memory kept that little smile on your face. With eyes avoiding the tub, you turned on the sink, cupping your hands under the faucet so icey water filled your palms. Leaning down, you prepared to splash your face, but an image of the night before popped into your mind. Water slapping against your face each time your head was dunked under water, nose filling with it as well as your mouth as you cried out.

You let the water seep between your finger tips, instead simply just repeatedly getting your hands wet and wiping at your face till you freshened up. 

The faucet continued to run dauntingly in your vision. You had to force yourself to brush your teeth, with Eren’s toothbrush as they didn’t have a spare, with your eyes staring into your own in the mirror before you. 

Never before did you really notice, but you looked different. With eyes sunken in with dark circles surrounding them like an unbreakable barrier, lips twisted downwards just a bit in a permanent bittersweet frown, and eyes devoid of that excited light you once had twinkling in there before.

You looked so different.

●●●●

You were unsure if the silence in the kitchen was uncomfortable or not. 

With the way you sat at the kitchen island, pushing around a spoon that sat alone in cereal that had begun to get oddly soggy due to not being touched, and where Mikasa stood at the other side of the counter, shaking her protein shake in one hand and preparing her slices of bread with the other, there wasn’t much talking. A second protein shake was already set aside for Eren, she had told you, in the case he forgot so you could remind him. But other than that, that was it.

It was more than likely that she could feel your eyes raise themselves off from the bowl and onto her in momentary flickers, but Mikasa never commented on it.

With much precision, she placed some lettuce, provolone, tomatoes, and a slew more of vegetables onto a bun with pan-seared tofu in the middle. Picking up her knife, she sliced a sharp diagonal line through the middle with ease. The silver hitting the top of the wooden cutting board made a satisfying ‘chop’.

“Would you like one?”

The Mikasa, Armin, and Eren household was relatively a healthy household. Actually, if we’re being honest, they are an extremely healthy household. Though Eren is more of the type to binge on chips and sweets, he does so only once in a while, as Mikasa has a designated snack drawer for the three of them. Armin doesn’t really mind what he eats, as long as he has something to eat while studying.

It’s mostly because Mikasa and Eren have more athletically inclined jobs and lifestyles. Like said before, Eren is a trainer at a popular gym and is quite proud of his muscular physique so he’d prefer to keep it. Mikasa, on the other hand, works a temp office job at Paridis Corp. But in her daily schedule, she works out in the morning, and often participates at the boxing program offered at Eren’s gym. Armin is simply comfortably athletic, one would imagine from his sweaters he isn’t exactly muscular, but due to his relationship with the two others from childhood as well as his athletic girlfriend, he simply joined in on the ‘fun’ from a young age.

In comparison to you, you were a lazy bum who lived off of salty snacks and microwave meals when you did even remember to go grocery shopping. You were always a bit ashamed to admit it, so you never did, but Mikasa seemed to know regardless as whenever you used to come offer she’d offer you the key to the snack drawer.

Of course you’d accept.

“No,” You said sheepishly, gesturing down at your bowl, “I already got my hands full.”

“You wouldn’t be a bother if you said yes.”

Mikasa has a crazy way of always knowing what’s on your mind without you even telling her. You shook your head no again, letting out a quiet laugh, “It’s okay Mikasa, you’ve been to kind to me.”

She shrugged at that. Carefully, she leaned her body downwards so her elbows could lay comfortably on the counter top with fingers laced together. Now facing you with direct eye contact, she spoke lowely. 

“If you ever need anything…”

“I know,” You ushered before she could finish after her pause, “I know Mikasa. Seriously, thank you so much for letting me stay under your roof and being so caring. It means the world.”

“You’re too forward sometimes,” A small side smile grew on her lips, but quickly disappeared at the sound of a door creaking open before falling back into a close. Bare feet padded against the hardwood of the hallway that was connected to the kitchen, unlike Mikasa and Eren’s which were at the other side of the apartment. Appearing around the corner was a familiar face, one that you had seen at the first get together at Connie Springers home.

A girl with a hooked nose with blonde hair pulled back into a clipped bun paused at the entryway, with long eyelashes that curtained daring blue eyes that pierced whatever they caught themselves on, except currently they looked still groggy from sleep. She wore a baggy yellow sweater that you vaguely remembered Armin wore often back in earlier months. 

“Annie,” Commented Mikasa without a glance, “You look great.”

“Funny,” Quipped Annie back without a beat. Her scrutinizing gaze fell back onto you, raking up and down what she could see. It seemed she remembered you, as she lingered there for a moment, unsure of what to say. The way her eyes became wide concerned you, like she was fearfully concerned herself. That look quickly wiped itself off of her visage, returning to its stoic look. 

“Is his dick really that big that he can’t keep you quiet?”

“Annie,” Shot Mikasa, throwing down the towel she was using to wipe her hands with.

Immediately your face felt hot. They were home when the two of you…?

“I don’t know how Armin fell asleep right away, not with that creaking.”

“Can you drop it?” Mikasa snapped yet again, snatching the sandwiches out of Annie’s grasp. She had entered the kitchen and reached out for a slice, but Mikasa didn’t give in, herding the pieces into a lunch box she had set up next to Eren’s protein shake. “You don’t hear Eren and I say anything when you spend the night.”

It was Annie’s turn to become flustered, eyes widening in realization. 

“I’m sorry,” You whispered meekly, stuffing your mouth with the soggy cereal. Annie shrugged in response, looking aside with an ashamed look on her face. It was an unspoken apology in return that you understood without much comment.

Returning back to the silence, the blonde had turned her back and approached the fridge, pulling it open to scan the options before her. It was stocked full of an assortment of vegetables, produce, and cleansing drinks. The organization of it all was pleasing to the eyes, another thing done by Mikasa. She reached in and grabbed a premade salad, shutting the door with her heel.

Mikasa continued to pack separate lunches as well as make herself a fulfilling breakfast as she was a firm believer of breakfast being the most important meal of the day. 

The dynamic between the three of you was sort of comforting in an indescribable way. It was silent other than the chopping of Mikasa's knife, yet also Annie shaking her salad to mix it from the inside. 

“Are you eating a salad for breakfast?”

“I like the croutons.”

Annie turned her back after fishing a fork out of the utensil drawer, heading back to Armin’s room. You expected that she’d sit and eat with the two of you, but it seemed she wasn’t exactly in the mood. Not that it bothered you, though, as you completely understood the feeling of wanting to eat alone. Or maybe she just wanted to go share with the other blonde living under the roof.

Letting out a huff after watching the girl disappear around the corner, Mikasa went back to her food, pulling a pan out from one of the lower cabinets. Her fingers, you noticed, were nimble yet calloused. The skin surrounding her knuckles were more red in comparison to the rest of her, veiny in a delicate way over her rigid bones. They flexed as she flipped the pan onto the stove, reaching over to butter the pan for her eggs.

Something about her movements were so… homey.

From the start, you always thought Mikasa was a cold person. To which, yes, she does come off as it and can be to many people. But in reality, she’s such a sight to behold. Like perfection curated into an actual person, having all the looks, intelligence, and put together life from an outside view. It was safe to say when Eren and you started to get serious, you did get a tad bit jealous of her, especially when you found out she loved him.

If she still does, you wouldn’t know, but she never was aggressive towards you about it. You trusted her because of that.

When you think about it, Mikasa was one of the first people you’d consider a friend when you moved, even if the two of you barely ever talked. When times started to get rough, as well as when Eren and you were in the peak happiness of your relationship, you got pulled away from your social life. Due to that, you slowly lost contact with Mikasa. A part of you wonders if she would want to rekindle that friendship, yet also if she even saw those tiny interactions as friendship.

You looked up at her with a newfound realization.

“Mikasa.”

She hummed in response, giving you a quick side glance yet just as quickly looked back towards her eggs which she was scrambling with ease. They sizzled above the heat, along with the butter in puffy goodness.

“Would you maybe know where my phone is?”

Her eyebrows creased in silent thought for a moment, “I’m not sure if a concussed person should be looking at artificial light like that.”

“I just need to talk to a few people. I’ll call instead, if that gives you any comfort.”

“If I remember correctly, Eren left your phone in the end table in the living room,” Mikasa stated, a bit unsure. She shrugged her shoulders to add onto the fact, still not turning her head from her eggs. Turning the stove top off, she picked up the black handle of the pan, finally tilting it to the side so that the fluffy clouds of yellow fell into the box she was packing her breakfast in.

You nodded in thanks, sliding off of the bar stool and shuffling straight for the little table wedged between the long couch and loveseat pressed against each other. 

It was a little number, painted with white yet chipped at the corners to where you could see the hidden chestnut wood under. Grasping at the flaky handle, you tugged open the little drawer, revealing a box filled with an assortment of note papers holding important information that was none of your concern. Yet sat pretty on top of it all was your phone, somehow still alive with ten percent left on it.

On the lock screen was a long display of notifications, something you haven’t seen in a long time. A few from Sasha, one from Bertolt, and a bunch from the group you had been added into that were stacked on top of eachother, as well as a missed call.

A missed call from Erwin Smith.

Looking at the screen made your mind sway uneasily, a familiar nausea brewing in your stomach and up to your chest. When making your cereal this morning you had also taken the medication Mikasa had said the doctor prescribed, but you of course were still prone to the pain. You weren’t sure why you simply assumed you’d be immune to all elements with a concussion that made your head throb, but here you were, feeling sick to your stomach at the glance of your phone.

➥... I don’t know when you’ll see this, but I hope you’re okay [Name]  
➥... Get well soon, take your time. I’ll visit you when I can!  
[Two days ago]  
➥... Please text me when you have the chance.  
[One day ago]

Sasha’s texts sent a pang into your heart, a dark feeling clouding your lower stomach in a makeshift anxiety. She was worried for you, something you haven’t experienced by another in so long. You felt bad for causing her that worry.

➥... Hey, I’m feeling good now.  
➥... Thank you for caring for me, Sasha. Eren told me.  
[8:30]

She was a busy girl, so you didn’t expect a quick response back, especially this early in the morning. Which is exactly why when you got a response faster than lightning, did your heart skip a beat.

➥... Thank God, I’m so happy to hear you’re good [Name].  
➥... He really told you what happened?  
[8:30]

➥... What do you mean by that?  
[8:30]

This time you didn’t get a quick response back. A minute, then two passed by. Three, then four, before you decided to go through the rest of your notifications. She had probably fallen back asleep, you assumed in your mind, but the devil on your shoulder whispered horrible assumptions into your ear. ‘She knows something,’ and ‘She’s hiding something, why would she be surprised?’

You shook your head at that, wiping those thoughts from your mind. You’ll ask her more about what happened later, when Sasha was awake.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you opened the group chat you had been invited to a while ago. There were over two hundred messages unread, which was intimidating to yourself, but you were glad they couldn’t see who read what. Immediately being thrown back to where you left off, you began to scroll through messages.

➥... Did someone call the police?  
➥... What happened?

➥... Is there seriously an ambulance? 

A part of you wondered if it was because of your injury that Eren informed you about, that maybe they had notified the authorities, before recalling Eren informing you that Sasha and him had taken you to the hospital with his car.

➥… Oh my god  
➥... Bertolt is fucked up  
➥... I’m going to throw up oh my god

➥... Dude, what? What happened to Bertolt?

At this point your heart had picked up its pace, flickering through urgent and concerned messages about Bertolt’s condition, that something had happened to him and seriously injured him.

➥... Who did this  
➥... I’m going to kill whoever did this

➥... Reiner, holy shit-

➥... His face is mad fucked up  
➥... [Download video]

Hesitantly you clicked on the link. The empty circle under the file name quickly fills itself, before your screen flashes black to play the video full-sized. The cameraman wasn’t a good one, the video shaking and occasionally just facing the floor below, which was covered with solo cups and other peoples legs who were trying to get a good look at what happened. But then the camera finally tilted upwards and zoomed in to a tall figure on a gurney, passed out, yet face covered with red and purple. One eye was swollen shut and black.

It was indeed Bertolt Hoover.

A strained gasp left your lips, your hand immediately clasping over your mouth as you watched in horror. You rewatched the short clip over, and over again in awe.

Without even reading the rest of the hundred unread messages, you quickly went to respond to Bertolt’s text, to check up on him, to ask him if he was okay. But instead your brain became fuzzy at the words he had sent before you.

➥... I’m so sorry.  
[Three days ago]

Hurriedly, you tapped back.

➥... I’m sorry I haven’t been on my phone. Are you okay? What happened?  
[8:36]

There was no quick response like Sasha’s. 

Something had happened, you were sure of it. But whatever it was, you didn’t remember it. Deep down inside, a part of you wondered if you had any connection to the accident Bertolt had gotten into, especially due to his apology he had sent. Yet no matter how hard you dug into your memory, you didn’t understand why. Why would he apologize? What was he apologizing for?

God, you wish you could remember.

Why can’t you remember?

‘You’re so stupid,’ You thought to yourself, racking your brain as the phone slipped out of your grasp. Free hands guided themselves up your face and up into your hair, grabbing onto the hairs just against your scalp with tense knuckles. Nails dug themselves into the skin, scratching at the surface, as if doing so would scratch any loose bits of information out.

The air felt tight in your lungs.

You needed to leave, just for a second. You were so cooped up in an apartment you haven’t been able to leave for days, so maybe that was a fault to your memory loss or struggle to remember. Everything felt bottled up inside, and even your physical body was bottled up inside of a home that wasn’t yours. It was pathetic. You felt like a leech, living off of others for your own pathetic benefit without adding any contribution.

On your lap, your phone buzzed tauntingly.

Peering around your wrists that shielded your vision, you glanced down at the phone. A text.

The untouched notification of a missed call stared you down on your lock screen, eyes completely ignoring the response you had gotten from Sasha. It was a lengthy paragraph that had been cut to size, yet you were still staring at the contact name before you.

And so there your scapegoat was.

●●●●

“You heard what I said earlier, right?”

The pregnant silence in Mikasa’s car shattered at her stiff words, like a knife slicing through paper, sharp to the ears. The ride had been quiet other than your fingers idly tapping against the door handle in hidden anxiety, but it was bound to break. Her keen readiness to say something could be felt in the atmosphere the whole time.

“I did, yeah.”

“So why do you do it?”

“What do you mean by that?” You asked, looking over your shoulder to watch Mikasa’s expression. As usual, it was stoic, with eyes blank as well as lips. Those dark eyes flickered to the side, surveying you in her peripherals, before sighing.

“I think you know what I mean,” She inhaled shakily, leaning back against her seat with arms still extended, now less tense compared to before. “Why are you still putting up with him, [Name].”

Without even naming names, it was obvious who ‘him’ was.

Deep down, you did know exactly what she meant without her needing to explain herself. The question would’ve come out at some point, but now with your lips pursed, your brain chugged for any good reasoning you use to encourage yourself with. The list you’d write in your mind, and at one point in your own notes, that made you ever rethink leaving him had suddenly poofed from your memory. Why are you still even putting up with Eren?

“I guess it’s almost the same as you.”

“He doesn’t do what he does to you to me, not to Armin, no one else,” She began slowly, “I don’t think you realize it isn't the same. It’s not okay.”

This made you laugh softly. It was short and airy, just under your breath.

“I don’t think you understand either, Mikasa,” You stated, looking back out the window. The streets had slowly become lonesome the deeper into downtown the vehicle went, the surrounding world painting itself more and more gray. It was all industrial, with apartments and businesses in practically skyscrapers that rubbed against the clouds. People barely even were out this early in the morning, which was chill due to the soft rain pattering against the pavement. You imagine that from so high above, people would barely even look like ants, just stiny specs in the distance.

Mikasa was silent, in a way urging you to continue.

“I think you’re too scared to say abuse,” You added, you yourself even becoming a bit more hushed around the word, “But me staying with him, fully aware, is just as bad as you still staying his friend while also being fully aware. It doesn’t bother me that you do still put up with him because I’m doing the same, but also I think deep down… we stay because we think we can fix him somehow, or maybe that one day he’ll magically wake up a new person.”

The right tires ran through a deep puddle on the side of the road, sending water shooting into the air. The whir was comforting behind your soft words.

“He probably is tough to deal with even as a friend, I can guess,” You continued, leaning the side of your head against the chill window, face out of Mikasa’s view. She wouldn’t be able to see the way your throat bobbed anxiously after a thick swallow, or how your eyes had begun to get prickly due to even your own words. From your breath did the glass fog up just a tad, “But we are both still with him for almost the same reason.”

“Almost?” 

A beat of silence followed.

“I-” Your voice finally cracked, “I guess I just love him so much.”

“[Name]...” She whispered as the words sunk into the silence, deep into the seats of the car, forever embedding the moment into them. Forever would Mikasa’s brain remember, forever would those words be imprinted into her ears and your lips.

“I know you love him too, so does Armin, but it isn’t…” You hesitated, “My heart hurts everytime I’m away from him. It aches so bad, Mikasa. And when I’m with him, it races so fast, even after all the things he’s done. I just-”

A smile played on your lips as fat tears rolled down your straining cheeks, “I just can’t imagine a world without him. He’ll always be my baby, I know inside he is, he’ll always be my bubs. I love him so much, I can’t breathe sometimes.”

Inhaling shakily, you finally blew open the vault that had been locked for so long, “I love him. I love him, I love him, I love him.”

The mantra spilled through quivering lips as your vision started to become blurry, voice croaking out in a pain you hadn’t even noticed you were showing so vulnerable. You openly sobbed and sniffed, wiping your face with your palms, pressing the open hands into your sockets as if it’d stop the heavy flow.

Next to you, matching tears fell from Mikasa’s eyes. She didn’t let you know, though, immediately wiping them away with her wrists with a quick rising chest.

“Then I guess I understand.” 

▂▂▂▂▂▂▂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ▂▂▂▂▂▂▂  
> ➥ I know it isn't much, but I want to update at least something before we get into the messy bits. I hope you all are having a good end to your January.

**Author's Note:**

> ➥ Anyways, so... hope you enjoy this! Haha...
> 
> -Cries under the covers-


End file.
